How Do You Meditate?

Davekyn — Thu May 17, 2012 3:49 am

Author: Davekyn

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 3:49 am

Here is something along the Lines of Mindfulness and on the TOPIC of Meditation, from a guy by the name of Jon Kabat Zin.
I�m led to believe its confused with Relaxation or some State to which one must get or feel. Therefore it is not uncommon that when people try it and do not get anywhere or feel anything special; that they think they cannot meditate.
It�s not about feeling a certain way, but feeling the way you feel. It�s more about letting the mind be as it is and knowing something about how it is, in this moment.
It has nothing to do with trying to get somewhere else, but accepting where you are.
If you don�t understand this, you will think that you are constitutionally unable to meditate.
This Jon Kabat Zin guy seems to know a thing or two about the subject and his practice of mindfulness is used in many practices through the world.
Google his name and you will find heaps of information freely available on YouTube for all.
I myself started meditating years ago, when I gave up drugs and made an attempt to better myself. The truth is, the learning never stops and what started out as simply watching the breath, has slowly evolved into much more, and something that requires less effort to do as in the secret is really not to do anything. Or what I am coming to understand is doing without doing. It really is simple but not easy ... simple things never are, which is why we always try to complicate things and thus struggle with what would be easier to let go ... but to do so, not so easy.
I am only just at the point of understanding the concept of like and dislike ... this would be my next hurdle in meditation and my life as I know it. I strive to meditate in all that I do. Once I started with the attitude of relaxing ... which by the way if any the previous concepts are not what someone would claim to be meditation ... it does not matter, as I started that way myself...BUT after first slowing my mind by relaxing and cultivating the art of stillness throughout my life, have I only some years later, now have an appreciation for keeping things simple.
I do still wrestle a lot as evident in my continual searching, and still getting there....however...more to the point....it has nothing to do with getting anywhere, but more about WHERE is there? For a long time and I still do, I�ll say that I�m not there yet, or I�m getting there ... but have only come to learn to ask myself Where and actually let go of the judgement I place on myself as to where I think I am actually going...which in itself contradicts even asking where...........
Whilst this may make no sense to yourselves, it is actually seemingly more clear to me than it was when I first started counting my breath or trying to reach some state.
Obviously meditating means different things for different people...and the meaning will also tend to change as they do it...
I highly recommend googling Mindfulness John Kabat Zin. Although I might not of explained it very well and left a huge amount out ... this guy has much insight to offer on this subject.
I wish you all the best of luck with whatever method you try. (actually I wish you patients and strength for what is required in your quest for meditation )

This Life

42itousNdeed — Thu May 17, 2012 3:33 am

Author: 42itousNdeed

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 3:33 am

You go Loretta! You made a decision and are going after a better life experience. I think that that's grand. I also think that feeling some fear and trepidation is normal. Let yourself feel them (can't really stop them anyway) and then keep on keeping on. You can trust in yourself. I do. I believe that you will persevere until things work out the way that you want. I don't know where and how taking a toke now and then will play into things, but only you can determine that. You may find that you can keep everything on an even keel if you do. But if you find you cannot, you have enough strength and love of clarity to control your quit.

All of what I just said may sound like BS, but I am truly excited for you. I believe that this new chapter in your life will help you to strictly define how you want to handle your quit. I can see how your honesty will work well as you include others in your new business.

Will talk more later; my son needs something to drink before bed.

Opening up about anxiety

Omgpop0022 — Thu May 17, 2012 3:14 am

Author: Omgpop0022

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 3:14 am

I know I'm a really nice and intelligent person, so I'm not sure where you're coming from. Also have modeled for FORD, one of the top agencies. I've come to the realization that life is too short to spend on people who don't like to have me around because I know I have a lot to offer to people.

Empathy or something more?

Davekyn — Thu May 17, 2012 3:14 am

Author: Davekyn

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 3:14 am

"What makes for a helpful empath is both the ability to step into an emotional experience and the ability to step back out again."

Couldn't agree more!

Help me with my bipolar friend

amaro — Thu May 17, 2012 2:44 am

Author: amaro

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 2:44 am

I have biochemistry issues since 2004;

it started as paranoia then became something weird

it was tough to understand what is really happen because I couldn't believe it

it was tough for me to accept it to live this way

it was tough to deal socially and financially

it was tough to to stand motivated because you get tired dealing with it

Letting Go & Acceptance

Davekyn — Thu May 17, 2012 2:37 am

Author: Davekyn

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 2:37 am

Perhaps one last thing ... before I finish in here for the day:
I am coming to learn the benefit from accepting that we don't even have to be happy to find peace. I understand having goals, being motivated and enjoying life helps us to actually connect and live life instead of spending our time thinking too much ... however I am gaining much in also learning not to like or dislike something so as not to become attached to begin with.

Now I know this all sounds a bit Zen and one may think it leads to standing on ones head is some emotionally devoid state, however the more I try it, the more I begin to feel a little more peace as I attempt to over come whatever attachment I am trying to let go of. Not that I'm standing on my head...well not now at any rate

I can really see a lot of sense in letting go of things that keep us attached is all. it's a great way to save money and enjoy the things we take for granted at any rate.

How to be happy and successful?

greeneyedgal — Thu May 17, 2012 1:39 am

Author: greeneyedgal

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:39 am

quote:
Originally posted by wanttosucceed
Hello all,

I am new here, but I can tell the posters are genuinely caring and kind, so I will have a go.

I have read self-help books and know the common concepts such as think positive, visualise, have a passion, set goals, learn from failure, persist etc etc...

But the problem is I can't seem to apply it all to my life in order to be happy and successful. I have no idea what my passion is or how to make a career out of it. My goals are limited mainly to money and that doesn't make me feel any better.

I just want to know how I can apply the stuff I read about and make it work for me. Reading and knowing about it and not using it, makes me feel even worse.

Any ideas?

Thanks

You are a LOT like me.

The only thing useful I can really say...because I definitely have read my fair share of self help literature...is that the problem we're having is a lot like dieters constantly looking for the next quick fix. In reality, it takes a lot of suffering - long term - to achieve anything worthwhile.

You just have to force yourself to do things that in the moment you really don't feel like doing.

No matter which path you pick, you will run into problem sets or work situations or projects that you don't even want to touch.

Fact is, the successful don't want to do it either, but they do it anyway.

Really need help :(

zemane — Thu May 17, 2012 1:39 am

Author: zemane

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:39 am

quote:
Originally posted by chris30uk
An immense feeling of worry or dread washes over me, i start shaking, my stomach goes in knots, i feel all floaty like Im not here. I just wondered if anyone had advice? i have been to the doctors but he has told me not to worry as much, but it isnt that easy. I would be really greatful for any help you can offer.

You really should tell your doctor exactly what you wrote here, or, if you did, find another doctor as soon as possible. They haven't yet found the cure for anxiety but science has definitively found ways to help us cope.

How to get over his past

Savannah62 — Thu May 17, 2012 1:23 am

Author: Savannah62

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:23 am

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this in, but I'll try... This may be long, I'm sorry - I dated my husband for close to a year before we were married last year (he is 50 and I am 43), we have both been married before and have kids - I've been married once before, divorced for 4 years before meeting him; he was married 3 times (1 child by the second marriage), and divorced for 5 years. I had no problem with his multiple marriages - first marriage was too young and they both just grew apart, no real issues; second marriage the wife was a bit of a control freak and he had enough (I have met her and get the vibe of a very controlling person); the third marriage he admits was a mistake from the start, he didn't think he deserved any better and just married her because it was "something to do" - she had a drinking problem and after 5 years of dealing with that he left (he admits he was not an angel during the marriage). After that marriage he had one long term relationship with a woman who he broke up with a year and half before I met him. He claimed that he dated a few other women, but nothing serious. After we were married 6 months he came to me saying he had lied to me and needed to come clean, I didn't deserve to not know the truth. Well the truth was not something I was ready to hear... the third marriage was more of a disaster then he originally told me about. He was very religious during the second marriage, but left the church when he left the marriage and basically "went wild" sexually. He had 4 different "girlfriends" and was married to the third wife within a year of divorcing the second wife. He married the third wife because she asked and he thought "why not", but he felt no commitment to her, so within 8 months he had cheated on her. He confessed and for some reason their way to fix their marriage was to start swinging. They did this for about 3 or 4 years, full swap swinging, her with women, etc. They even went to a swinger's convention for a week in Jamaica... at a resort right next to the one he and I had our honeymoon at (when I learned that after the fact I was quite upset). During all of this, she continued to drink heavily, he cheated 3 more times and she cheated twice (he said "cheating" was when they were with different people and the spouse was not there - swinging with everyone in one room was ok, but sleeping with someone separately wasn't) They finally decided to stop swinging but she wouldn't stop drinking so he left. He swore that he never wanted to get into that swinging lifestyle again and hadn't since he stopped with her (and from what I have seen he hasn't - I found all his old bank registers and any debits for sex clubs and websites ended before the 3rd marriage ended). He said he never told the long term girlfriend anything about any of this, only told her that the last wife was a drunk.

Now, I know it took alot for him to open up and tell me the truth - I would have never known any different had he kept all of that to himself. I DO appreciate that he cares about me enough to want to be completely honest with me, no matter how ugly his past is. He says that I truly have shown him what love means and I make him want to be a better man (and in truth I HAVE seen a difference in him from when I first met him).

Now MY problem is that I can't seem to get his past out of my head. I KNOW he does not care about these past women, I know he has no interest in "sharing" me with another man or him having another woman. But I get extremely jealous in my head when I think about his past... a past he had before he even met me. And I'm afraid I'M going to ruin this relationship with my obsession. How can I stop this, how can I let his past die? I swear it's tearing me up, as I'm typing this I'm sitting here crying because I'm so upset with myself. But I don't know what to do. I have always had very low self esteem and I know this has alot to do with why I'm doing this to myself now. But how do I stop? How do you stop your mind from these obsessive thoughts and not screw up a good relationship?

Thank you for any input or advice.

A guy i want to punch at work

zemane — Thu May 17, 2012 1:19 am

Author: zemane

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:19 am

quote:
Originally posted by Izak
Hey guys, rage topic name...

Theres this guy i already confronted once and he apolagized and such, but he is so freaking annoying and cynic(!), we barely speak to each other, but each time i want to lose it and kill the guy! I dont want to lose my job, but, i would feel a lot better if i just punch the guy.

Any tips on how to control this? And btw, I'm a very calm guy on the outside, but on the inside im very anxious. I can control it, but, i dont know.

Go AHEAD and PUNCH HIM!!!

Kidding!

Just the fact that you haven't yet punched him tells me you don't have problems controlling that desire. Paraphrasing Jung, we should always follow our feelings unless they will not help. Your desire is to punch him but that would not be in your best interest. At all. Acknowledge it, but don't act on it. It's a desire, not a sentence. Get a punching bag. It's awesome!!!! I have one.

I think I'm an addict but I don't know and im ashamed

Mikey90 — Thu May 17, 2012 1:14 am

Author: Mikey90

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 1:14 am

Im 22 and I have been on various medications for almost 12 years. I have OCD and a severe anxiety disorder. I'm in college now, but I've been prescribed Zoloft and Xanax since I was 17. My doctor tried me on Luvox for OCD but it didn't work for me. When I was 20, I got an ADHD diagnosis and was prescribed adderall. I love smoking marijuana. I've done it regularly since I was 18...I know it's illegal and wrong but it makes me happy. I've had some experiences with many substances. I snorted my first time when I was 18, with my friends adderall. Ive since snorted my Xanax and now, many years later I can go through a 30 day supply in a short period of time, less than a week sometimes. I have a family history of addiction. My father is an alcoholic, as was his mother, who died from throat cancer caused by her alcoholism. My older brother has gotten a DUI, and drinks daily, and many of my cousins on my moms side have had struggles through the years. One has gotten 2 DUIs, the most recent lead him to be charged w felony child endangerment, since his children were in the car. Our grandfather checked into a 30 day detox secretly many years ago, and also drank daily. I'm worried about my fate. I know the risk I'm placing on myself yet I don't consider the repercussions. I've never had legal problems myself, but I received a reckless driving ticket last year after I snorted Xanax, which I have kept a secret that I was using beforehand. My anxiety makes me feel out of control and sometimes I feel like my nerves need to be calmed. Any advice, insight, experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Excessive Worrying

zemane — Thu May 17, 2012 12:59 am

Author: zemane

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 12:59 am

quote:
Originally posted by Ultimate Fulfillment
Thanks for replying to post. Zemane - I am sorry you are going through this too. Would be interested in hearing more about what helps you...

Don't be sorry. We still don't know if our stance is the right one for us. Of course we'd be happier if we were more relaxed, but I bet you see people that don't have this trait getting into trouble we would not. Not sure if this is right either, I'm just considering the possibilities.

Worried

Dreyla — Thu May 17, 2012 12:58 am

Author: Dreyla

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 12:58 am

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for over a year now and we've had our ups and downs over that time but recently things have been getting a lot worse. We fight pretty much every day now and it's managed to get us both depressed and really stressed out. I don't know what to do and I'm really worried about my boyfriend, I hate seeing him so upset and angry and just want things to get better but I don't know what to do. He relies on me to make him feel better sometimes but I only seem to make it worse because he upsets me with what he says and I get stressed out too.

I'm hoping that things will get better soon but am really worried that they won't and that something bad might happen. He's starting to threaten suicide because he's so depressed and keeps having emotional breakdowns saying that I'm the only thing that causes him such pain and it's my fault that he's the way he is. I know in his heart that he loves me and that a lot of this is because he's upset but it's really hurting me too. I don't know what to do but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want to burden them with my worries.

Social problems didn't exist say few hundred years ago?

zemane — Thu May 17, 2012 12:53 am

Author: zemane

Posted: Thu May 17, 2012 12:53 am

quote:
Originally posted by amaro

quote:
Originally posted by zemane
Well, I guess that's very sound advice. The difficult part is to determine that you need this kind of attention to be happy. We see older folks still trying to get the approval of their parents, and that might well have been the motivation that guided him/her through the whole life. Like deciding to get married, to have kids, etc.

I try to stand guard to my mind; when someone mention HOT, UGLY, STUPID, SMART, COOL, WEIRD that rating idea what pump us to become something we are not and make us lose our confidence

I usually say on silence three times " GOD PLEASE FORGIVE US... WE ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO RATE YOUR CREATIVITY "

maybe it works for some of you here too

I honestly don't believe in God. I do have a lot of respect for people who do (they might be right, but I don't think so).

My theory is that the further away we move from our instincts/feelings the weaker we get. This idea WAS influenced by the teachings of the dark side of the force in the starwars movies. A few centuries ago we wouldn't care if someone had a HOT, UGLY, STUPID ... opinion about us, unless it would impair our condition to survive or to help our loved ones.

Why do we care about it now? Our desire to be cool cannot compare with our desire of nourishment.

And don't think our society has achieved the wisdom to clarify these kinds of concepts. The front-line of science still don't know the origins of depression or anxiety "disorders" or how to cure them. We are ALL still struggling with that.

Just consider that there has never been a society in the known universe who achieved the situation we currently live. Like, not having to care that much about others robbing your belongings, raping loved ones, fighting for food etc. THIS IS ALL NEW. There are all kinds of conjectures but nobody is sure on what is the optimal behavior.

1st day here

AjayDon — Wed May 16, 2012 11:48 pm

Author: AjayDon

Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 11:48 pm

Hey, don't worry. The first thing you want to do, is tell everyone around you that you are quitting and that you will be moody. But let them know that your anger is not directed at them. It makes things 10 times easier. Try reading my blog as I am on day 10 now. And damn, it has not been easy at all. All that crying and anger? It's all the emotions and feelings that have been pushed to the back of your brain from smoking weed. All them times you thought smoking weed just makes you feel better and that your problems go away? Nope, they are there but blinded by the smoke. But don't worry, you are on the road of recovery. Of course you would love to smoke one. Who wouldn't? But realistically, what is the point? It is only going to leave you in the same position you are now. It's good that you have been crying because you are getting yourself back together! You brain is now processing what should have been processed at the time of the events. Yes, lots of past events keep running around my head endlessly but it gets easier day by day, trust me. Even stopping weed for 1 day is a big achievement and I'm very proud and happy for you that you are on the road to recovery. Without this forum, I doubt I would of quitted. So just stay positive, Come here, blog your days. Vent your anger out on here. Do what you want now because you are free from that toxic evil green sh**. Just take it easy. Just remember, it is hard to give it up but easy to roll up and smoke up. I get a high everytime I want one and later on I just think "Damn, I feel so good for not giving into that". I feel I can control my brain now not my brain telling me to do stupid things. Well, take care and good luck. You are doing more good than you think you are. Your brain will trick you, that's why you feel angry and stuff. It WANTS you to have it. But you will be telling IT what YOU want now! Nice one!

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