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Confidence and Self Esteem Resources
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Mark Tyrrell
Uncommon Knowledge Staff
Joined: 16 Sep 2003
Posts: 444
Tue Oct 21, 2003 10:48 am
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| Low self-esteem and bullying |
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It has long been assumed that bullies bully because they feel bad about themselves. However it is the bullied who tend to score low on self-esteem tests. Kids prone to dominating tend to score highly on these tests. It used to be thought that self-esteem was something you couldn't have too much of. Interesting ideas at: http://www.angryharry.com/esSelfEsteemandBullying.htm
Mark |
Peanut
Junior Member
Joined: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 28
Wed Oct 22, 2003 2:19 am
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Hi Mark: I think this is such an important issue, because one does not stop encountering bullies when they leave the gradeschool playground.
I have encountered bullies in many so-called 'professional' forums, disguised in many different 'types' of costumes.
My self-esteem is in the ____, because I allowed myself to be bullied.
I would so appreciate any info. that may be available re: how to deal with a bully in the workplace.
Great post.
Sincerely, Peanut |
Peanut
Junior Member
Joined: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 28
Sat Oct 25, 2003 5:28 pm
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Thank you, Mark, for your reply. I am now reading a lot of material on the bullyonline site, and it is really giving me a lot of insight. Thanks so much again. Sincerely, Peanut |
yoghurtraisin
Junior Member
Joined: 22 Oct 2003
Posts: 77
Wed Dec 03, 2003 10:52 am
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| Bullying |
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I've only just read your posts, and I really feel for you peanut. I was bullied (not badly, but indirectly through bitchiness, snide comments etc) at school by other girls, and I really do feel for you.
I was really amazed to read about the triggers for bullies - sensitivity etc. - that Mark outlined. It was like reading a description of myself. I always wondered why I was picked out of a class of thirty and you know, trying to reason why this happens can make you go mad. Also, therapists tend to say that it was nothing to do with you, but I have always found that very frustrating as I knew full well that it WAS to do with me....but never knew why. Your comments Mark were really very very helpful. I suppose the key is to start to accept those traits as part of yourself and not bully yourself for having those traits. I tried for years to change myself, but I am exhausted now from doing so. I want to be left to be sensitive and so on. I suppose what is good about being an adult, is that there are plenty of skills that you can learn, such as assertion, which can really help. Peanut - I would advise you to look at assertion training...this has really helped me in the workplace ...it does take practice, but you will feel a great sense of acheivement once you have stood up to people.
Good luck
YOG |
DaveDLT
New Member
Joined: 06 Sep 2010
Posts: 4
Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:09 pm
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Hi Guys,
Bullying is something I have dealt with a lot. I am a martial arts teacher, so I end up teaching a lot of people how to handle bullies. The principles for physical defence against physical bullying is the same as how to defend yourself against psychological bullying.
To defend yourself against bullies, you need a good defence and offence. First the defence, so how you respond to a bully. What bullies will do is continue attacking until they find some resistance to purchase on. So until the find a raw nerve which when attacked, you will respond to. Bullies do this with fear. If you remove the fear that the bully is trying to purchase on, the bully cannot hurt you. You become a hard person to bully. So work on removing the fear or the problem that the bully is using. If he calls you an offensive name, get to the point where that doesn't affect you. If he threatens you with something, get to the point where that does not frighten you.
To defend yourself against a bully, the key is to be non-reactive. Never let the bully see you sweat.
The second part is the offence. Now I have no guilt around this. It is the martial arts principle. I will not look for a fight. i will always look for the peaceful option, but if I am attacked, I will use what I know to make sure I come out the winner. If a bully is trying to take you down, he is getting his karma.
So to take a bully down. The thing with this is that the bully is trying to attack you with what he thinks will hurt you. The only way he can figure this out is to do what he knows would hurt him. So what the bully is attacking you with, is also the thing he fears the most. So you turn the same thing back on him. If he says something like 'You are so stupid' all the time, you know he wants to avoid at all costs being seen as stupid. So you find something he did that you can frame as stupid and you let him know that if he continues to bully you, not only will he never see you sweat, but you will remind him of where he was stupid.
Those are the ways I teach defence against psychological bullying. Good luck in living bully-free.
Dave. |
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