my girlfriend has depression - what can i do to help?

Discussions in depression - new perspectives on depression. Get help if you are suffering, and discuss approaches if you are a therapist.

Postby stressedbf » Wed Apr 26, 2006 1:43 pm

hello,
my girlfriend has depression and i feel useless. she has had depression for the last year or so. I think it started because of her time at uni where she pushed/pressured herself a lot.
last night i went out with some friends and spoke to my g/f on the phone. she was feeling really down about having to drive a long distance for a course she had to attend the next day. she has started to panic while driving and having to pull over. she used to love to drive. i offered 2 drive her there but she said no. when i left the pub, i phoned back and she was really down. she was saying she wish some1 else knew how she felt, and i told her im trying (which i am, and have been for the last year+)... i cant remember the exact converstation (cus id had a few beers) but i ended up shouting at her because i felt useless after trying my best to support her. i shouted about when i felt really down last year when my grandparents died and i told her i know how it feels when u think the whole world is against you... but now i regret saying it as i know thats not the same as being depressed, but im trying my best and i dont know what to do. its really stressing me out and i think thats why i snapped a bit last night :(
after the phone call, she told me we obviously dont understand how each other feel so there is no point trying to.
this made me feel really bad and i got 2 hours sleep at the most last night, all i could think about is what id said. i wish i could take it back because i know it was stupid and i just want to support her the best i can to make her better.
if any1 could suggest things to do to help her feel a little better, could you please let me know... im running out of ideas :(
thanks
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Postby kfedouloff » Wed Apr 26, 2006 8:10 pm

Hi stressedbf

Not a lot of fun, is it? And hard to know where to turn!

Can I suggest that you take a long look at the Depression Learning Path?

This will help you understand why you were affected as you were by the death of your grandparents, and why your girlfriend is behaving as she is. Encourage her to read it too. You will then both be able to see more of the patterns that operate in depression, and begin to get some ideas of what to do to come out of it.

You should get a lot of support here!

Kathleen
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Postby kuwid » Thu Apr 27, 2006 10:33 am

please feel free to contact me for any advice on how to help your wife.
i have suffered from depression for around 20 years myself - and would be happy to try and shed some light on what she might need from you
kay
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Postby jurplesman » Fri Apr 28, 2006 5:28 am

Hello stressedbf,

For non-depresed people it is always difficult to understand what depression is. Most people think it has something to do with "mental problems", but often is is purely biological.

There could be a very simple solution. She could be hypoglycemic that can be treated by going on a Hypoglycemic Diet.

Please investgate this aspect.

Other sources are Hypoglycemia and Anxiety Attacks.
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Postby ClaireHeg » Fri Apr 28, 2006 11:59 am

Hi, this is my first post here - please feel free to contact me for a chat as I have experience of working with those with depression and am happy to share any adive - information that may be of help!
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Postby Ally1313 » Sun Apr 30, 2006 10:51 pm

I have been suffering from depression for the last 8 months and have had the same problem with my boyfriend. Initially he did not know how to deal with my depression and would go out with his friends all the time, making me feel abandoned and even worse.
We split up due to this but have now resolved our problems as he realises i need support, not ignoring. It's not easy though, sometimes he drives me mad over the smallest thing, or does not understand that things he sees as minor are actually a very big deal to me.
I think the best thing you can do is talk to your girlfriend about how she is feeling, how she feels in certain situations and why.
If you see something as a minor problem, or nothing worth worrying about, the chance is she will see it in a completely different light. Try to continue to be sympathetic, give her space if she needs it and listen to what she says. Don't try to rationalise her worries, when my boyfriend does it, it drives me mad!
I'm not an expert, this is just my experience and hope in some way it is helpful.
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Postby anon1661 » Mon May 01, 2006 4:40 pm

if u r still having problems-i have been through the whole depression thing - and my attitudes to ppl i should care about rnt always wot they shud b. basically from experience the one thing ur gf probably wants more thn anything is just for u to keep her close to ur heart and make sure she know's tht u love her. Bein depressed u jus feel so alone and she is lucky to have sum1 there. sometimes the smallest of gestures make the most difference i.e a simple apology when u think u may have spoken out of turn. hope things get better
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Postby Mister_B » Thu May 11, 2006 8:24 pm

My girlfriend of 1.5 years and I have had problems (some serious and some minor), and we work through them by communicating. The problem is that I am not the best communicator (I didn't empathize, I took things personally, I get frustrateda and yell or shut down, etc). I read a book that helped a lot. It is called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg. It is an easy read. The principles are easy but is taking a lot of practice on my part to follow the principles (easier to read than do). From there, just having patience for her to work her way through it and loving her along the way. Some professional counseling or a Life Coach might help her. I wish you well, both of you. B
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Postby ClaireHeg » Fri May 12, 2006 10:01 am

Hi I agree a life coach / therapist would be able to help - either individually or work with you both together
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Postby anderson » Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:49 pm

hi i really need help with my girl.
im really tryin to understand why my girl is depressed cuz i really dont get it, all i do is tell her that ill be there for her and i really love her, but it has gotten to a point where she often says """what am i doing here"" or ""i dont deserve be here and he reallly scares me that she will do something crazy and try to kill herself...can yall plz help me im really worried.[/quote][/code]
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Postby tazo15 » Sun Oct 05, 2008 11:20 am

Hi everyone, I would really like some advice from others with experience in my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months, he is a very special person and I love him very much. When we got together he was taking Citalopram and he was fairly open about the fact that he suffered from depression/anxiety/panic attacks and how it has affected previous relationships. He has since come off his meds, reducing slowly over a couple of weeks and has now been off them for 3 weeks. I have noticed him acting differently and need some reassurance that his behavioural changes are normal. He is increasingly snappy, he is no longer affectionate and as he is not opening up and talking to me about it I feel like I'm being pushed out. I know I mustn't push him to talk but It's making me really insecure! Also his libido has vanished, which is something I thought happened when you were still on meds, not off them? I believe that we could have a future together and accept his depression as part of him I just want to know the best way to support him through this without being another stress in his life.
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