Indeed wrote:I just can't find enjoyment these days. I've always been sort of nostalgic, but in the past 2 years or so, I've just fallen in love with the past. to think about my past life comforts me, but at the same time makes me very sad that I can't have them back. the times I wish I had back the most are from 2nd grade to the end of high school. I'm 25 now, but I was just so happy back then. I had great parents, living middle class, and it was just great.
I go back to places I used to have good times at, and I just sit there and think back on good times. I do this as a means to pass the time during the day sometimes. places are of real significance to me, and they impact me greatly to where I feel depressed. I say to myself. right here. right here is where some great times happened, and now they are gone. commonly I will go to the mall, in the food court. there is an arcade there. I just go in the arcade and stare at the games, imagining that it was many years ago, and i was there with my friends, sometimes I get teary eyed because its just so impacting to me in my head.
the only thing that keeps me busy and content is my daily workout routines which i have made very intense. bruce lee is my inspiration to keep going. im more fit, healthy, and I'm more intelligent than I ever was, yet im still very unhappy. im more prone to anger than I ever have been as well. and also its funny because I'm a very heterosexual person, yet I just wish I could go back to when I wasn't because my friends were so much cooler back then, when we didn't have girls on the mind.
im convinced that the best times are behind me. i'd like to believe otherwise, but I can't seem to. the only ideas I have are moving to a completely different city, and start over. I can't seem to make anything good happen in the city i live in, where all the good times happened. i can't relate to people anymore. sometimes I just want to leave this city and never come back, because i feel ive been forsaken here. its like im looking at skeletons and a ghost town of a place that used to be really great.
any ideas on what to do
I stopped taking painkillers on thanksgiving....and for the past 3 days, this mans words are my feelings EXACTLY. If always had periods of nostalgia in the past, thought it would be cool to go back to my carefree wonderful life,,,,but i always had some happiness in my current life and it didnt depress me to think about the past, now, everytime i think of anything, playing finalfantasy 7, tracking off, anything, i start crying.
I wish i could die now if i could go back and live it over again, it would be so worth it to live it over again.