misogyny, and fat fetishes


Postby andrewwerner1 » Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:14 am

Hi Rickki,

Thanks for asking more about my situation I am very happy to inform people about fat fetishism!
However it seems you may have missed some of the details of my first post. I did not say I am attracted to larger woman. In fact this is definitely not the case for me. I like regular size woman.
To try to describe to you my fat fetish I will use an analogy. When a man sees a woman's breasts he usually gets turned on in a sexual way. I also get turned on when I see a woman's breast but in addition I similarly get turned on when I either think about getting fat or do something to cause me to get fat such as eating junk food or overeating. This caused me to gain 35 pounds during the summer before my junior year of high school. There are many people with these same feelings and desires that I have and they are known either as gainers or feedees.
The opposite fetish also exists. There are people who like to fatten up others and get similar sexual pleasure out of doing this. You say you didn't like seeing your husband like a "stick". Imagine wanting to see your husband grow obese and getting sexual pleasure from this. People like this are known as encouragers and feeders. There are many places on the web where you can see profiles of such people, go to chat rooms containing solely these types of people, etc. I listed some in my previous post. To understand these people (which unfortunately includes myself) probably the fantasy feeder website is a good place to start because it is the most interactive website that contains stories that members write, a chat room, and every member has a profile where they say if they are a feeder or a feedee and talk about who they would like to meet (this is a mostly heterosexual website). Some people also describe themselves as 'mutual gainers'
To better understand what I am try to describe (and probably doing a poor job of) I recommend reading the wikipedia entry on fat fetish and it might also be helpful to read the wikipedia entry on fetishes (the general case). Also urban dictionary has clear and concise definitions for fat fetish and the specific types of people who have fat fetishes (namely gainers, feedees, encouragers, and feeders) FYI other terms that are associated wtih this but dont necessarily have to relate to fat fetishism are chubby chasers, BBWs, SSBBWs, BHM, SSBHM, and there is probably more I am unaware of. I also listed other good resources in my first post. In addition to those there are several yahoo groups full of people with a fat fetish disorder. One such group that I am a part of is called "Female Feeders" and as the subtitle says it is for women who like fattening up their men.
I hope this helps please write back if you have more questions
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Postby rickki » Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:40 am

gosh!! this is interesting:

I think i'm beginning to understand some things.

could you tell me how you benefit from gaining weight/being fed?
I mean is it just se xual or are your emotional needs being met also?
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Postby rickki » Sun Nov 18, 2007 2:26 am

I couldnt resist:
after reading about female feeeders I felt I had to check it out it was urm interesting...although I dont think I'm that extreme..for me its more satisfaction a happy feeling...than a fulltime job.
Last edited by rickki on Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby andrewwerner1 » Sun Nov 18, 2007 2:56 am

Hi Rickki,

well this might be interesting but this is also very unfortunate for people like me. Most young adult males my age think of woman when they first get horny. I usually first get horny when I feel fat and think about getting fatter. This is also does not fit into my lifestyle at all because I like to healthy and physically active.
There is nothing about getting fat or being fat that I can tell is emotionally satisfying but maybe my psychologist/psychiatrist will find something there.
One thing to me that would be interesting (besides how I can get rid of this and how to get other people with this condition to also want to seek help to get rid of it) would be to see if this has significantly contributed to the obesity crises in the U.S. The groups on myspace that I have seen for people that have either my condition or like to see other people get really fat contain about 15000 people each. Other online areas for people like this also contain a very large number of people, I think the dimensions forum is quite large and fantasy feeder has about 10000 (thats ten thousand) people. And probably not everyone with this condition is a member of one of these online sites.
Looking into the numbers thats probably only about 1 percent of the obese U.S. population but that is still significant.
Also not everyone who has this fetish has the common sense not to give into it (which is probably most). I was talking to a kid a year younger than I (I am 21) who is studying engineering like I and he has recently put on 70 pounds and is frustrating that he currently cant get any bigger. he is looking for someone to feed him really fat and told me he wants to be a fat blob. His myspace account name gainingNick. This is just a small example of one of the one out of 15 thousand people who share this problem on myspace. Some gainers/feedees say they even want to be immobile. I have never had this thought.
I think it is sad people are generally unaware of this condition ( I read somewhere this is an underground thing) and it certainly seems that way! On the website beefyfrat which is for gay men with this fetish there is a space in the profile where they can indicate if they have "come out" about there condition. I haven't been on this site a lot but I haven't seen anyway who has said "yes" not surprisingly. The psychologist am I talking to and the psychiatrist at Maryland I have spoken with and the psychiatrist in Massachusetts I will speak with have all not heard of this condition before. That strikes me as a PROBLEM considering AT LEAST 15 THOUSAND people in this country have a fat fetish. Maybe this number isn't that big but I think it is still significant.

Well I hope I didn't lose you/put you to sleep with this and again thanks for asking for the info!!!!!
Also another interesting tid bit that I think is true is that there are a lot of different fetishes out there. I even read somewhere 20% (I believe this was the figure) have some sort of sexually deviant behavior. This article also said it is more common for men to have a sexually deviant behavior than women.
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Postby rickki » Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:03 am

Hmm food for thought :!:
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Postby andrewwerner1 » Wed Jan 23, 2008 3:31 am

Hi Rickii,

Thanks for hearing me out that one night. I think it made me feel better. Well anyway I am was looking for that link you posted it seems to have been removed about the female feeder. Do you think you could post it again? Thanks Andy
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Postby rickki » Wed Jan 23, 2008 10:37 pm

hello andrew nice to hear from you :)

The converstaion that night was urm stimulating .. I certainly learnd a few things. so I need to thank you for that. your extremely conversant in the subject andy .. its always refreshing to speak with someone that can provide useful info

The link! - I intially posted it .. but then realising that under 18's use this site I did'nt want to become responsible for a whole new generation of men seeking out female feeders ( te he)
so you can find it on my web space ..just click the link below..& when your on the page go right to the bottom, & on the left theres a box titled "custom list" - you'll find the story in there. ..enjoy!! :)

ooh & why not sample some of the virtual cakes & cookies whilst your there.
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Postby andrewwerner1 » Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:37 pm

andy65 wrote:I thank god for this blog if he exists
*please excuse my writing in this post because I am quite tired

anyway I HAVE a fat fetish and I am very happy to be able to inform/educate people on fat fetishism because I feel that it is probably more common than most people would imagine and as I read somewhere online it is "underground" or kept quiet by the people who have this disorder pretty well. I think it is unfortunate that this fetish is kept under wraps so much. Even if it was more widely known I believe that health professionals would be better at treating it (along with other fetishes although I am not implying all fetishes should be medically treated although fat fetishism should be!). I am CURRENTLY seeking medical help. I am seeing a psychologist and have seen a psychiatrist. I also have contacted another psychiatrist with a specialty in fetishes (these seem very very rare unfortunately).

To answer the question of where is a good place to start to learn about fat fetishism; a great place to start is wickipedia. Just search fat fetish. One article in a mainstream media source I came across was in Men's style. just search mens style and fat fetish in google

Some websites where people with this fetish go for socially connecting/dating/trading stories and weight gain/etc... are fantasyfeeder (mostly heterosexual), beefyfrat (homosexualmen), a dimensions magazine forum, and even MYSPACE!! There are many MYSPACE groups with 10k members strong (at least) with people who have a fat fetish and enjoy it. ( dot com in back)

From my experiences with these online fat fetish communities I have learned that people with a fat fetish can be categorized into two main groups, people who like to see other people become fat and people who like to become fat and enjoy the help of becoming fat from others. In the gay community these two groups are encouragers and gainers. In the heterosexual community these two groups are feeders and feedees.

I am personally unfortunately a feedee/gainer (anyone who is trying to make me fat is a huge turn of for me it doesnt matter what sex that person belongs to). I am a student at University of Maryland and when I seeked help for this finally at University of Maryland office of mental health, the psychologist and psychiatrist have never even heard of this and didnt even know this is a fetish!! That I feel is really really sad and is depressing for me! I think if a mental health professional were to do research in this area their career would take off because of the huge void of information on this topic.

If anyone has any questions of what a fat fetish is please contact me.
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Postby rickki » Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:22 pm

hello andrew

how are you getting on ... or should I ask have you put any weight on :lol:
(sorry) :|

Since we last spoke I sort of did some investigation.. visited a few websites & I have to confess that perhaps I am a bit of a feeder.
nothing to do with "calculated effort" I'm just happiest when i'm feeding 'someone'anyone :o

I think I came to the conclusion because it doesnt seem to matter if they're male /or female. I just prefer them to be skinny to start with.. & then see them put on weight. & it doesnt matter how fat they get ( there is a limit) I just like them putting on weight.

I wanted to do some more research into the dynamics of the male & female role play /circumstance here .. but sadly have'nt had the time.
I know its called a 'fetish' but I dont like using that word in this circumstance.
because I personally feel this, is perhaps a lot more common place than ppl care to acknowledge. of course I'd like can tap some more into the dynamanic but I'd go as far as saying its perhaps instinctive ( normal) to want to nurture - or be nurtured.

& perhaps the "extreme" only comes into play when - like when like anything else its over excerted ..& it becomes an impossible situ to live with.

anyways if you come across any more info /links/ or websites - on the male & female dynamic { female feeder & male recipient} or even the other way round.. would you let me know.. I'll look forward to hearing about it

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Postby psychofatale » Sun Mar 23, 2008 8:18 pm

One key point that seems to have been missed is the issue of being 'fat' in society and our culture, (Western), its largely unacceptable and seen as unattractive, therefore anyone with such a fetish finds it difficult to talk about.

Also going back to the original post of this thread and the males view of his obese wife loving him no matter what because she is fat, is more of a reflection on society and our desire to conform. He plays on the fact or her be;ief that she is unacceptable to the majority of men in society hence the 'gratefulness' of some sort of acceptance from him, no matter how small and cruel. If society accepted obesity this scenario of such low self esteem would be eradicated. In some arabic cultures obese women are seen as more desirable and skinny women rejected as being fatter is a sign of wealth and fertility, skinny is poor (less food) and therefore not a good choice for bearing children.

I dont think this subject comes under its own heading in psychology but is grouped with conformity and negative self opinions of the body and the disorders they lead to.

I think in this particular case the man has homed in on a weakness and may well have said the same thing had the woman being badly deformed or scarred, he would still assume that gratefulness for his attention because he thinks the majority of men would reject such a woman.
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Postby rickki » Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:58 pm

this subject & the topics that branch from it fasinate me - & only I wish I could spend more time tapping into it :)

Overall I think the idea that the misogynist is a woman hater is a "false one"
I truely dont believe that there are a band of men who classify themselves has heterosexual, that truely "hate" women. no more than exisits a band of heterosexual women that can claim to truly hate men.

we're just not wired that way...

I believe what the misogynist has is a fear of women & 'her' precived power - its quite possible at some stage in the misogynist life he experianced 'her' (a woman) in a particularly negative way.
so ..

Its a I'll strike first.. incase you ever strike me again, syndrome. I think these men have a distinct fear of women tapping into them or as they may ( falsly) see it manipulating them.
As I say I have'nt concluded fully yet .. but I believe the fat woman represents " mother" and wanting to possess " the fat woman" is something of a sub-culture ( in western society)

because 'he' is not suposed to want her anymore :(

& I find the idea/or fact of the fat women being ill treated by her partner, to be false one. whilst I'm sure there are some men that will belittle a woman because of her weight, particularly if she had been slim/mer when they met.
I would bet, that the majority of women that are fat with husbands /partners have extremely loving & appreciative men. like I've said before I've seen & looked back on a lot couples relationships & the couple with the full figured woman, always seem to have good relationship.

& I only wished women that have low self esteem because they're full figured, would stop reading these trashy magazines, & newspapers that encourage them to feel inferior, they are not & there are a lot of extremely Decent ,loving ,caring men that are out there waiting to appreciate them.

They simply need to start lifting their esteem. & feeling better about themselves. I know the majority of women do - but, attentivness makes all the difference - nice clothes, hair, make up, nails.
& then begin to celebrate their figures with their men - dont hide behind dowdy clothing wear underware thats special.. sexy satins, when your alone thigh length chemises of silk & lace :)

I mean given the choice .. what child or man wants to lay their head on a boney ribcage... instead of a naturally full & generous breast?
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