Compulsive liars

#15

Postby Stephanie1976 » Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:16 pm

Hi, I'm new to this place, and for a while I wanted to say something out loud about myself.

I am a compulsive liar, and I need to stop before I hurt any more people including myself.

I can completely understand what you guys are saying and it is good to know i'm not the only one. I got so desperate, I rang the samaritans and I spoke to a lovely lady and I did not lie to her once.

I wish I could say I don't know why I lie so much. But I know, I lie every day of my life. I wake up, and the first thing out of my mouth is usually untrue. I've lied to cover things up, I've lied to make myself look like a bigger person full of life, I've lied to cheer other people up, make myself look like I'm worse off than they are, every scenario imaginable, you can bet your life I've lied about. I lie to myself, and end up half believing it. Its been this way ever since I was very small. When I get found out, I promise the world to people, and it stays like that for a very small time, but I always go back on myself, and lie again. I know the trust I have with my closest friends, partner and family I have destroyed, and I lie to myself about that too. I destroyed my own trust in myself, and I don't know which way to turn anymore.

Financial things are not so great, so I cant afford a psychologist, but I know I really need to see one. I cannot go on like this much longer. I realise I have myself to blame, my parents were not very strict, I do have a stepfather who I bicker with, but my mum is the most loving person you could meet. I had a good childhood, apart from the lies. I want to know the reason why, what I can do to stop it. I really really need help and if you guys know where I could go to I would be most grateful.

I think thats the most honest 10 minutes of my life I have ever spent typing this, must be a start, right?
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#16

Postby Stephanie1976 » Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:17 pm

Sorry, double post.
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#17

Postby megan » Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:07 pm

Hi Stephanie,

Not sure if you are in the UK or the USA, but if you are in the UK you could approach your GP and ask him about counselling, you wouldnt even have to tell him the reason, just say that you have been suffering from long term stress/depression and feel you would benefit from talking to someone. Then there would be no financial cost.

On a practical level, before you lie to someone, or even just after, try and think about what you were feeling, for instance do you think if they knew the truth that they wouldnt value you, did you want to impress them, did you want them to think well of you, did you want their approval .. it could be one or all of these things. Also perpetual lying can become a habit, you do it now because its instinctive.

Dont beat yourself up about it. Its actually more common that you think and everyone from time to time exagerates or tells a fib. It stems in every instance from a low self esteem, from not feeling worthy or valuable for what you are. Lying is about approval seeking, wanting validation that you are okay. The fact that you feel remorse about it and want to change is probably the biggest step of all in your recovery.

Think this is an area that CBT would be very helpful for ... ask your doctor about it in any case ... all the best
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#18

Postby leeh871 » Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:17 am

I am new here and desperately need some advice. I am a very proud person and it is very difficult for me to ask for help but I need it and want help. I lie for the dumbest reasons and don't understand why. Its mainly with my girlfriend. She means everything to me and I have lied to her so many times. She knows everytime that I am lying but I stick to my lie even after she proves I am lying. When she asks me something and I know the truth will cause a fight or even possibly cause her to leave, I LIE. She has told me over and over that lying is worse than just admitting I screwed up. I am so afraid of losing her, I start a lie and before long its a huge lie that has went on for a while. The sad part is, my lies are mostly petty lies. If I dont figure this out, I am going to lose the love of my life. What can I do. Is there counseling available? Are there books? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
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#19

Postby EdDavies » Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:38 am

Hi, I'm currently researching for a documentary about compulsive lying. I have been in touch with some of the world's experts in the subject, who are more than willing to treat people as part of the film. If you are interested in getting expert treatment for this problem, please contact me on 0207 502 5729 or ed.davies@northonetv.com
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#20

Postby RobertR » Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:50 am

Stephanie1976

My years of experience have taught me that lies exist to protect lies. We have an adult and child level within our self. When the child believes something about it's self that is not true, usually a negative belief, then the adult "ego" will devise a lie to compensate for it.

In this way one emotion competes with another and a balancing act is being performed.

After awhile it becomes a habit.

There is a real you and a fake you. The real you is the truth, while the fake you is a lie which when believed replaces the real you. The "lie" you is necessarily inferiour to the real you. This is on the child level.

No one is inferiour who is themself.

So, in my opinion what one is doing when they lie, is compensating for how a lie at the child level feels. Thus protecting a lie that has replaced the real self.

The alternative to compensating for a deeper emotion created by a lie about ones self, is to change the deeper believe to the truth, and then there is no reason to compensate anymore for how it feels.

However, this is often a long and slow process, which takes determined effort.

There is an old saying, "The truth will set you free", free from what, is obviously free from lies.

Lieing is a game. Decide not to play the game, and when you lie, tell your self, that is a lie, and ask, what is the truth, especially when you are evaluating your self.

You will find it to be more interesting, and rewarding.

The truth is reality, and success is found through making decisions based on reality. Elso one is just fooling themselves.

You were probably taught to do this by someone, and it is your job not to pass it on down the line. It is a faulty patern of logic, which effects the way we think. It stops with you. Your children will be better off with out it.

A respect for truth can be your gift to them.
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#21

Postby planetmars » Fri Sep 25, 2009 4:10 pm

Is there any test which will confirm that a person is either compulsive liar or pathological liar.
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#22

Postby Triarius » Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:59 pm

Lying is a defensive mechanism. Often - it is less painful to lie to immature parents. It gives away less. Liars learn to lie on such a regular basis that it becomes more natural.

I think part of the ongoing problem could be fear. Perhaps you are afraid that you are inadequate?
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#23

Postby Baby The Stars » Mon Sep 28, 2009 2:07 pm

I've realized that I've come into the habit of lieing. When I was in school I changed 2 to 3 schools in my junior year and lived without electricity for 2 years. I started lieing more frequently during those times because I had to make up excuses as to why I had changed schools and why I couldn't do certain homework (eg research online etc) and why I was so tired all the time and never talked about anything related to my house. When I was younger I would steal money from my parents and told the parent I had stolen it from that their "spouse" had stolen the money.
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#24

Postby Mdolla » Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:32 pm

I've often wondered whether there was possibly a gene responsible for lying. The reason I wonder is my ex partner, who I met 20 years ago when I was 17 lived in a fantasy world and was always lying and making up stories to impress other people. Stories like he played semi professional football, he was a drummer in a band and used to hang out with celebrities, all which I now know isn't true. We split up over 15 years ago but we still have contact because we have a son together who's 17 and I've noticed he too has started lying and making up stories to impress his friends. I've told him he will lose friends and no one will ever believe him if he carries on but lying seems to come so naturally to him, it's as if he doesn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. It would be interesting to see if anyone else who lies compulsively also has other family members who do the same, or could it just be my son has spent too much time with his father and his bad habit has rubbed off on him.
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