Please help.

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JB_27
New Member

Joined: 04 Nov 2009
Posts: 1

Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:18 pm

Please help.

I'm not entirely sure whether this is posted in the right place, I'm a bit confused about it myself, so please forgive me if this is wrong.

Basically, I'm 17 years old, a guy, in year 12 at school. For the first three years of secondary school, I was perfectly fine. I had two friends and we were really close, so I was very happy. Then all our classes started mixing in with others, and I started meeting lots of new people. Suddenly, I had loads of friends, none of whom I knew very well, but as I grew up I changed as a person and I didn't really get on as well with my old friends. So we kind of moved apart quite a lot.

Now, I have people who I call friends, but thinking about it, I've realised that none of them know me very well. And I don't know them very well. Except one guy, and we know each other quite well, and I would call him my best friend. The only problem is, that I know that he wouldn't call me my best friends, because he has friends who he prefers to hang out with. I don't really know what to do; I've become paranoid about everyone, I never really trust that someone is my friend anymore. I always think that they're just standing with me out of pity, or that they can't find any of their better friends that day, or that they already asked everyone else to go out somewhere but they all said no, so now they choose me. I just don't trust anyone and I don't know what to do! I've started analysing everything that people do, to find out if they're my friends or not. The slightest thing, like someone smiling at me in the corridor, makes me so happy because to me that's proof that they're a true friend! But just seconds later, if someone I thought was my friend forgets to say hello, I get so depressed I scare myself. Even though I can come up with loads of reasons why they didn't say hello, like they had other things on their mind, they didn't see me, they have problems at home, I always think that it's because they hate me.

I feel really alone because there are so many people who I would call friends, but I don't know them well and they don't know me well. I'm quite a shy person, so when I sit with more than one friend, then I'm usually silent and let everyone else speak. But when I'm alone with one person, then I talk loads! And then that makes me more confident that they like me, but then someone else walks in the room, I go silent again, and I get depressed again. Even the guy who I'm absolutely certain is my friend makes me paranoid; I'm always paranoid that he's suddenly going to realise what a terrible friend I am and hate me. But I know that I'm not a very good friend because I'm so focused on what people think of me. I don't know whether I should talk to the guy about how paranoid I get. I need to tell someone, and he might be a bit more careful about how he acts around me, since he knows I get so upset about it. I know that the only thing that will get rid of my paranoia is if someone says outright that they are definitely my friend, but no one's said that. The rational part of my head says that that's because people think it doesn't need to be said, but the paranoid part says that it's because nobody is my friend. The thing I'm scared of though, is that he'll think I'm too much and not like me anymore.

Please help.

freedom80
Junior Member

Joined: 06 Aug 2009
Posts: 69

Thu Nov 05, 2009 10:27 am

In what way dont you get on with your older friends maybe they are the kind of people you need right now if you feel your friendships at the mo are'nt very solid. Its very difficult meeting people who are true friends, I am having the same problem, all I will say is when you get a good friend never let them go. Real strong friendships come with time and you cant force them as with any relationship.

I think the paranoia thing is probably quite normal, knowing that they are'nt really strong friendship as they once were is bound to make you abit anxious as you are obviously wanting more from them. You probably feel abit lost with the people around you, when you feel like this it naturally makes you question things more, your lacking reassurance and stability which you need.

Your in 12 year so Im guseing your in a six form and only have one year left at school? You have to remember that your friend dynamics will soon be changing again once you leave school and enter new surroundings. So I should try not to worry too much. Make sure you surround yourself with people once you leave school though in order to keep in contacts.

Hope some of this helps.

daveh98
Preferred Member

Joined: 24 Sep 2006
Posts: 376
Location: doesn't matter

Fri Nov 06, 2009 3:50 am

1. why didn't you get on with your old friends?
2. You clearly have the ability to make friends so why do you feel that you need validation that you are a friend?
3. You will gain a better outcome by focusing on being good to yourself instead of focusing on how others view you. Some people are afraid to look at themselves so they focus on everyone else and then need validation from them to feel good about themselves and you don't need to do that. Why? Because you have a lot of friends!
4. Who cares if the new friends you have aren't your BEST friends right now. Right now, I don't think i have any best friends because I have focused on other things. So they have become closer with other people. Some of my old best friends are now merely acquaintences.
5. You are young and you have a lot of time to devote to friendships. Again, if you focus more on yourself then you will rely less on what other people think of you and will actually be a better friend because you are not going to be seeking validation from others.
6. Do you do drugs or smoke a lot of weed? (seriously).

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