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mmelon
New Member
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Sun Apr 19, 2009 7:42 pm
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| OMG!!! I so understand where you are coming from |
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OK, this is crazy because I am in a simiar situation and I REALLY need advice from people because I have started to think its just me but apparantely it isn't!
Anway, both my future mother in law AND father in law are living with us. They have been for six months!!!! BUT... my future father in law is sick with cancer though. I completely fee bad for him but they are staying with us because they live up north in boony land and aren't close to hospitals. HOWEVER, they have relatives all over the place so why can't they stay with them for a bit to give my fiance and I a break!!!??? It was supposed to be a month but now it has been six!!! We are getting married in August and my mother in law made some comment about possibly staying even after the wedding........we have a great finished basement with a bathroom, tv, bed, living room but they are ALWAYS upstairs leaving me to constantly be cooped up on my bedroom if I want to watch t.v on my own, it's ridiculous! I think they are now taking advantage of us. My mother in law is ALWAYS, ALWAYS in the kitchen... I would think that they would try to be downstairs as much as possible but this is not the case. Am I being mean or are they totally taking advantage?? I just feel she is TOTALLY taking over my house!!! She even complains about the dog hair from my dog!!! Grrrrrr HELP |
Erica A
New Member
Joined: 21 Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:27 am
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[size=12]After reading all your postings I think you guys are the best people to give me some advice about this. My fiancé and I are getting married this September. The problem is his mother lives in his house with him. She use to be in New York for a few years but she had some health problems and came back to Toronto Canada where we live. I met my fiancé when I was 19 I’m now 25, but being young when I met him I never really had much privacy with him. Even now when we are at his house together his mother’s room is across the hall and it is very uncomfortable for me. When we get married we plan to live at his house for a while and I don’t want his mother living with us. Unlike many of your stories my soon to be mother in law is not evil. She is very nice to me, we get a along great, we can talk for hours and she considers me like a daughter to her. She is a very sweet woman but that doesn’t mean I want her to be living with us when we are married. I want some privacy when we get married; I want time alone with him in our home. We don’t have children and have never lived together and I think we should have that time to ourselves. I don’t live with him so he gave her the master bedroom which was fine with me at the time, but when we are married I want us to have the master suite. There is more room, and there are two of us! But he has no intention of asking her to move into a smaller room. He knows that I want us to have privacy and for us to be alone but I don’t think he is going tell his mother that she needs to move out. How can I tell him to ask her to move out to give us our time alone without sounding like a horrible person? I know I wont be totally comfortable with his mother there across the hall from us! And I need some direct approaches because what I have been saying doesn’t seem to be sinking in.
I don’t want things to end up like many of your stories, I like his mother but I don’t want her invasion of my privacy and home to lead to a bad relationship and negative feelings towards her. [/size] |
sick_and_tired
New Member
Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 2
Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:25 pm
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| For Erica A |
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Erica,
From experience, do not marry him and move in until she moves out. I know this may sound harsh but if you read my story it will explain everything. I am posting that after I post this to you.
In the end, the decision is totally up to you. You just have to sit down and tell your fiance how you feel and what the consequences will be if things get out of hand. And I agree, MIL should move to smaller room. It will be your house not yours but just to let you know, it won't seem like that to her because she has lived there first.
Peggy |
sick_and_tired
New Member
Joined: 30 Apr 2009
Posts: 2
Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:45 pm
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| Ready To Call It Quits!! |
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Ok, I now realize that I am not alone.
I was a single mom when I met my DH. I knew my MIL lived with him. He was straight forward about it. He did say it was because she couldn’t afford it on her own at the time. So, I decided (being naive) that once we decided to get married and have another child that MIL would see that we needed to start our own family and move on her own. NOT!!
Gosh, it’s been six years and no end in sight. Our relationship was ok at first, until my youngest was born, then it went down hill. I don’t clean or do anything right. I am not consulted by either DH or MIL when it comes to something to do with the house or my child. It’s hard, I work at a hotel and work evenings, but even when I worked during the day, what I say NEVER goes. It’s like I am not needed here. I have tried many times to explain everything to DH but he says I have a problem. Now it’s worse. For example: MIL had DD with her for a baby shower, she came home without DD, I asked her 2 times where she was and I didn’t get an answer (MIL was angry because she couldn’t get to parking spot because ppl were working on the house) so I had to raise my voice to get her to answer. She got the biggest attitude like I was bothering her and it ended up into a full blown fight. DH yelled at me, never saying anything to her. I took my wedding band off and set it on the bumper of the truck. I did put them back on but in the end I was the one saying sorry and she’s now acting like a child and won’t speak to me. When I tried to talk to her telling her that I was switching daycares for DD she walked away. She does help with the babysitting since I work evenings but jeepers, I am the mother, I have say, don’t I. I just don’t know anymore how much more I can take. I know a child needs her mother but in the end, mine don’t come to me for anything it’s Grammie. It’s like I don’t even exist in this house. I have come to realize a long time ago no matter what DH says this isn’t my house, it’s theirs.
I am ready to end my marriage, not much of a marriage anyway, when husband goes to MIL instead of me on things. He shares nothing with me, it’s always her. I always said I would never come between the two of them, but when can someone say enough is enough. MIL has gotten physical a few years back. Someone please help!!!!! Or tell where to go to get!! |
gidiarte
New Member
Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 1
Tue May 26, 2009 7:35 pm
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| I have the worse case! |
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I have the worse case! My mother in law has 6 kids, and each of them have 2 kids. None have their own place. They all either room or live their their mother-in-laws house. I decided to buy a house and as soon as I did... my mother in law came to live with us. I was ok with it at first because she was being kicked out of every room she rented... now I know why! All her kids are always visiting. Or leaving their kids for my mother-in-law to babysit. My mother in law lives in the back house... the problem is that she's taken over the entire back yard... I'm stuck in my house! Everytime I go outside, instant company! She cooks in the backyard, she has a TV, table & chairs, she even has a huge kitchen cabinet out there! But, she doesn't fit in the single which is why she does everything outside! I've talked to my husband, but he isn't going to tell his mom to leave so I can occasionally go outside. Urrrr! It is my house! And, I have to lock the door so the kids don't know we are home! Because they always want to come play with my 4 kids. I can't keep them indoors forever. I am so bitter, it just bothers me to look at them. I've been planning on leaving with my kids. They won't be able to afford the payments, but will probably still not leave! They'll stay until the sheriff comes! That's what it took to get them out of the last place they had. Does my whole life have to be destroyed? |
crystalr0w3
Full Member
Joined: 07 May 2009
Posts: 115
Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:25 am
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Try to rent a house to live your own with your family. I know it's really hell living with someone that makes your life miserable. It makes you feel stressed and stress has some manifestations in your body like you feel irritated, angry as well as you acquire some illnesses. Tell your husband how miserable you feel in their house. Encourage him to work to so that both of you can manage the finances in renting a house. |
m.mcd
New Member
Joined: 24 Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Sun Oct 25, 2009 3:13 pm
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| living with mother in law |
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I am so glad I found this forum. I live with my mother in law too. It came about for us as my mil always wanted to move in with the son when the hubby was dead. Everytime something happened to his father she was going to the bank(secure assets of course money is everything) and then they(son and mother) were looking for a house. The son would always say we wouldn't put the cart before the horse. WELL SHE MANAGED TO WORK THAT ONE OUT PERFECTLY. Her whole life was wrapped up in her husband. Her son even came second to the husband. Can you imagine! Well when the hubby was winding his life down mil had a stroke. In hind sight we now know this is what happened. WELL MIL CHOSE TO INGNORE HER SYMPTOMS BECAUSE IT WOULD WORRY HUBBY OR TAKE HER AWAY FROM HIM. So she continued on taking care of him until the end. My husband then went and stayed with her for two and a half weeks to help finalize papers etc. Mil was fine the whole time son was there. Well within 36 hrs. of son coming home guess what. She had a stroke. He had to rush off to her side and the next thing shes going to live with us in a new home that I had to find while the son continued to live with mother and pack her up. She was released from the hospital before 24 hrs had elapsed. That was because the stroke happened a coule of months before that and the stress of my husband leaving her alone brought the symptoms back. I have spoke with med spec. on this subjuct. Well once we got into the house livng together it has kust gotten worse and worse. Part of the problem is that I never really had a relationship with this woman. She tolerated me because I was with her son. She never treated me like family. She would always tell me that if I lost some weight she would buy me a new pair of dress pants. She totally took over Christmas, She would call and I'd answer shw would ask for her son right away and then relay a message to me throuhg him even though I answered the phone. I should stop for now. I really need to here from someone who knows what I'm going through. I have considered suicide or worse. |
CrazyDIL
New Member
Joined: 26 Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:16 am
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My MIL moved in with us about 5 years ago.She had recently seperated from her husband and we agreed to let her move in with us until she was back on her feet.Well after about a year she had to have surgery done on her colon so she ende d up staying alittle longer than planned. She is 100% better now. In the begining she was saving up $ so she could move out. Five years later she still lives her! all the saved money? IT'S GONE
It is destroying my marriage and i don't know how to stop it! She has gotten to comfortable here and doesn't want to leave. My husband is of no help in this situation.He says he can't tell her to move.He also gets very defensive when I say the least little thing about her.She has taken over my house,completely redecorated it to her satisfaction.She got the only PRIVATE BEDROOM in the house.She has tried to take over the parenting of my children.She gives my husband and I no alone time and she never leaves!!!!!SEX is almost out of the question because she will walk right in,
I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I feel like a visitor or prisioner at times in my own home! And I don't even feel like my husband cares aboout how this is making me feel. How much more of this does he expect me to take?I've told him several times he needs to get his prioritys in line but that hasn't changed a thing.It seems like we are bother and sister except for the occasional quickie we may get to have to remind us. |
motorcyclegrrl
New Member
Joined: 29 Oct 2009
Posts: 1
Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:02 pm
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| My MIL story |
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My MIL was living with my girl friend before I moved in. (We are lesbians btw got married in california when it was allowed there) I knew she had mental problems and had fought badly with the previous girl friend. Stupidly I moved in anyway with my 12 year old daughter. Give it a try I thought . . . long story short . . . She is 57, undiagnosed mentally ill . . . the rudest person I've ever met (she actually told her daughter she wishes she'd had an abortion, what mom would say that?). She'll say anything and very inappropriate things. She got threattening and me being tired of coming home and locking myself in the bedroom everyday. I moved out with my daughter. Now my wife is staying wiith us in a tiny one bedroom apt and her mom has our house to herself . . . nice big 2000 square foot 2 story . . . she is supposed to be finding work and getting out but we can't afford two places so we may loose the house, how can we sell it with her and her hoarded junk in it . . . talk about frustrating . . . if she wasn't vengeful it would be easy to get her moved out . . . but she is very vengeful and you have to be careful of vengeful mentally ill folks. I think our story would make a great movie. lol A sad movie but it would be intersting. |
shergar
New Member
Joined: 01 Nov 2009
Posts: 1
Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:34 pm
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| sick of living with mother in law |
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Ive been living with my mother in law for 7 years now and have 2 beautiful boys. its my wifes and her mams house. at the time i moved in we could not afford to buy a house so we took out a remorgage on the this house and built 3 more rooms at the back. its worked out well regarding we don t have much of a morgage and i do get along with my wifes mam but its becoming a nitemare. she interfears in every aspect of our day to day lives and does nt give my wife a min. after her husband died shes been very depressed and takes a lot of tablets, she sits in wathing t.v. all day and goes to the shops the odd time. lately my wife and i have been finding it very hard. i know were lucky in a lot of ways but at times i feel so angery for getting us in2 this situation, "that i can t breath". im a very positive person and have a great wife and kids but sometimes i don t wana come home from work. we can t even invite friends over because she won t move of the chair. she does nt want to know her own friends anymore and is only interested in t.v.and us. i know it not my house but i am paying the morgage, i need advice because im getting very depressed lately. |
hemp_0
New Member
Joined: 03 Nov 2009
Posts: 4
Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:46 am
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Mother-in-laws and step-mothers, ughh, they're a handful. Tough break man.
My step-mother is a f***in' c***, she threw out my family album after I moved out of my dad's place. She told my dad to kick me out and he listened to her, f***in' donkeys. |
snuggles0912
New Member
Joined: 19 Dec 2009
Posts: 1
Sat Dec 19, 2009 3:42 pm
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| Omg Im so glad I found this! |
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My finacee and I are getting married in may 2010, his mother moved in november 13 on our three year anniversary. I have had this house together only a little bit over a year. His mother is the kinda of woman that was raised to find a rich man to take care of her. So anyhow, her rich boyfriend kicked her out, and of course she has no job so she moves in here. She allows her friends to take her out for a good time and for men to buy her things as she lives in our house. I have to clean up after her nastiness. She uses the guest bathroom and doesnt flush her toilet leaves tooth paste rings on the counter. She leaves her nasty dishes in the sink for me to clean and untouched food in the microwave over night. She has no money to gets out and drives her jag everyday to the gym for a four to five hour socializing workout. Her daughter has to give her money for food and she goes to a Sams and buys all this food that spoils in my frig and I clean it out. Obviously. Leaves the tv on all night long, but has no money to give up for the electric bill but is gone everyday, uses my finacees brothers cell phone and talks on it all night while my fiancees dad pays for it. Pretty much sponges off everyone. Told my fincee to talk to her the first time on what her plans were for a job and moving out, she started crying and upset my finacee. So now he drags his feet to talk to her. He recently asked her how everything was going and she said a friend of hers is looking for a job for her. Baiscly this selflish woman can do nothing on her own. We are getting married in may and we argue alot more than we used to. I told him that I should be able to vent to him without him getting mad and walking out of room because he pretty much put us in this situation. Hes like ya, Im the one. Right. I hate this woman anymore. Shes ruined my wedding planning because im soo stressed out and dont look forward to planning it anymore. Shes taking the dream from me that every girl looks forward to in there life. I told my finacee that after christmas that she has till april 1 to get out. So if he doesnt than, I dont know what to do. She has a had her girlfriends spend the night here with her before, pretty much gets free range of this house. My first home experience has also been taken from me as well. Cant even bring up how upset I am about the situation anymore because my fiancee gets stressed and walks away. He doesnt want her to be here any more than I do, but yet he doesnt take action. He lets people walk all over him. Im not the type to allow that. What do I do?? If I talk to her it can get ugly and his whole family will hate me and not come to the wedding and ruin my fiancees life. I need some help. Thank god for you woman for being on here. For those that have been there for years, oh my god, how do you stick around??[/b] |
pigletsquid
New Member
Joined: 10 Jan 2010
Posts: 1
Sun Jan 10, 2010 6:49 pm
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| Mother in Law madness |
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I have no idea how you all can put up with it especially for years! But I think my story tops most of you alls. My boyfriend and I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with our 7 month old daughter. We were a happy little growing family. His illegal mother asks him if she can stay with us because her fake identification papers expired and she cant find anyone to get her new ones. I am told that she is moving in with us. We tried getting a bigger 2 bedroom apartment but our complex is booked for 6 months. In 6 months our lease comes up. We move her in and I am not happy about it but grin and bare it. But what really erks me is she moves everythign she has in! WTF! I dont need a whole other set of cups or pots and pans. I have double of everything in a 1 bedroom apartment. So we are all crammed in the bedroom together. 2 beds and a crib and changing table. She has taken over my closet with her sh**. My kitchen cabinets wont close becasue she has no organizational skills and crams everything in there. I cant even organize it myself because I have to watch the baby or she is there just watching me making sure I am not throwing her sh** away. She has decided that it will be just fine to decorate my apartment with her stupid dusty fake flowers. She doesnt clean up after her self either. There was so much cluttter on my kitchen counter I couldnt even put a glass down. I had to put away everything as well as I could and clean adn wash dishes when she goes to sleep. She thinks she can have her way with everythign! My baby had a routine and was always in bed by 830. Last night I went ourt to dinner with 2 girlfriends of mine i got homme at 830 and the baby was asleep. I went to pick up my boyfriend from work and came home to find the baby up playing with her even though she was rubbing her eyes and yawning at midnight. She told my boyfriend tAT WHEN I HAD LEFT THE BABY WAS JUST TAKING A NAP. I let her deal with the fussy baby last night, it was her fault. My baby is a baby who needs a schedule and throws a fit if it gets changed especially that drastically! the worst part is we cant talk to each other. She only speaks spanish and I only speak english. Although I am trying tolearn spanish its difficult juggling school, work, baby, my relationship with my boyfriend and now her. She is very sweet and has alwasy been kind to me but has disrupted my entire way of living. I am a very clena and tidy person and she thinks that the way i do things is wrong so she will go behind me and do it the way she wants it done. I am so frustrated. My boyfriend says I am being selfish but I dont see that at all. She has completley ruined our relationship, we get i narguments all the time and its all because of her. He has threatened to leave me because he doesnt want to 'abandon'his mom. He is the only child and I know feels obligated to take care of his mother buts she just turned 50. Its not like she is decreped and senile. We have only been togather for two years. I was expecting that my it would be at minimum 10 years in to our relationship. I amonly 20 and do not deserve this. Unlike her family I am not going to all live in the same house. Her parents have 8 kids, 5 of which are still living with them. Of those 5 4 of them have children of there own who are around 25 years old, so now they are having kids of there own and all living in teh same house. It might be a south american thing but here in american 3 adults and a baby do not sleep in a 1 bedroom apartment unless we were all jobless. this is not acceptable in my eyes. My friends and family say tha tI am crazy for doing this but its our of respect for both my boyfriend and his mom. She needs to do something and change her ways. I can easily see myself packing up what little stuff i have at my own apartment and leaving my boyfriend just for this. I would make there lives a living hell once i leave too, just because they have had no consideration about my feelings, privacy, well being, or personal belongings. I would move to a different city just so I cdont have to deal with both of them and visitatiopn rights with the baby. I know it sounds cruel but I can not handle this for any longer than 6 months, if that. I feel so overwhelmed and have no one to talk to. |
avongivenchy
New Member
Joined: 26 Jan 2010
Posts: 2
Wed Jan 27, 2010 12:59 pm
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My MIL moved in with my husband and myself about four months ago. We thought that she needed help after her husband died. the agreement was to have her pick things uo for a year or so. To my surprise, the plan has turned out to be an emotional torture. My MIL always looked at me when I was cooking something and ordered me around. All along her grand-daughter is a heroin addict, and she never received any criticism. But, who's expected to be perfect- me. At Christmas last year I told my MIL that she can wash the dishes after I finished cooking Christmas dinner. She did not care what I said and simply started washing the dishes while I was cooking a ton of food. After I said to my husband that I would like everyone out of the kitchen, and she heard me. She later relayed what I said to my husband in a bitchy way. It was as if she was trying to make me look bad in front of my husband. She also said to me that my dog hates me. This was an indirect way of saying that SHE hates me.
Anyway, about a week ago I exploded because she was listening in during a conversation I was having with a friend. I screamed at her that before she came to my house my marriage was great, and now with her, it is going down. She really hated me after this, but I had to get things out into the open. Now she ignores me in my own home. Whenever I make breakfast she changes rooms. She does not even look in my face. And if I wake up earlier than usual she looks at me up and down with disgust. My husband is appalled with her behaviour, since she is acting like a child, not an adult person. She told my husband that I should say hello to her first because she is the oldest, and that older people have the upper hand. Finally, my husband plans to have her out of the house, but in the meantime,HELP! |
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