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Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:27 am
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| See? I'm back |
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Do I ever feel for you, quitting the nicotine and the weed because me too! Its been said that you should try to quit first the weed then the other if you can. Being that smokes here are now 14 bucks a pack and the natives choke me out that does not leave it a realistic option.
I have bought weed so often when I needed food or other necessities its not unusual and I suppose it shows a problem. Then I wonder what if money was no object, would it be the same problem? Guess it boils down to quality of life and happiness.
Your very clever and I'm glad to see you have received such encouraging responses. Its positively delightful.
Relapses are to be expected. AA ruined my drinking. Hard to be ignorant after awareness. Took the fun away. I shouldn't say this maybe, but I did go back and I did have fun. However it came with a greater cost in the end. I used to drink in AA meetings, sometimes hang out outside the back door, drinking and listening. Then quietly disappear.
I have never been beaten up on weed, never lost control like with alcohol. Yet never celebrated 1 year sobriety, where they give you a cake and cards. I smoked weed, some said it didn't matter, others said it did. Since I felt of the later opinion I stopped going and stuck with my weed. Time goes by, life goes on and I guess when it becomes detrimental that's when its time to stop. But then I'm faced with all the problems I was trying to ignore. They just won't go away and often the weed wasn't doing it's job. Just money out the window really out of habit.
Seems my eyes have opened enough to begin to look outside of me. I could barely see you, you know? Thanks. Because I'm beginning to care more about your success than mine. Its hard for an addict to get outside of one's self. Especially on those doom and gloom days or Friday nights!
With nothing to do, or so it seems, I keep thinking of a toke. Gosh that does go on for a while. I even think of drinking and that is death I have no doubt, yet the urge is there. Like, get me out of this place!!! Who cares, I might as well die anyway compared to this boredom. That sort of stuff. Oh that tricky addict. That gluttony monkey. Be gone! Shew.
I'm in Nova Scotia, Canada by the by. From Ottawa though, dull political bilingual city. Nice though. Except the summers seem hotter and just had to get out of that concrete sweltering heat for awhile. Might have to go back to find some work though. Hate that darn game, people you know? Have to deal with them.
Cheers, Hhorus. |
Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:46 am
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| still going lol |
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Still fight the sleep that doesn't come easy like being burnt and to slumber. That's ok though. Not like I'm exercising much to help that. Been reading a single post page for hours now. So long and interesting. So many 1 time comments. I think it was wakinglife that wrote they sincerely hoped it was all it took to overcome the habit.
Its interesting how its debated as to how harmful the effects of marijuana may be and whether there are underlying illnesses masked by weed that are not really the effects of weed. Seems pretty clear to me its a problem when smoking every half hour to an hour or two. If I could smoke a joint every two weeks or so or even 1 a night I don't think that would be a huge problem, but it could be a problem still. For whatever reason I'm too obsessive, just don't have it within me to control it like that. Never did. I fought to control drinking for years, won't bother trying to fight to control smoking.
I don't hate weed, wish I could be a casual smoker, I'm much more bothered why I persist to smoke so much. Especially when it cuts into the money so much. Its awesome to read all the positive outcomes of those who have stopped. Guess we hope they are all successes in stopping as most of them don't follow up. Hope its because they just got on with their life.
Coming across this forum has helped tremendously. To think, all I had to do was stop looking at the porn lol. My heart goes out to those who suffer who are unable to turn on a computer let alone find a forum such as this due to their suffering. Heck, think we might have a chance here. |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:48 am
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| hi MM |
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Hey hon cracked me up too what you wrote lol u found your own louisiana and didn't have to leave the sunshine state hope he not gonna bite you and make you live forever? If I had to live forever with that True Blood vampire, well it's a fair price to pay..... It's such a great show I really will be watching every week.
Keeping up appearances has been shown here so many times and mrs bucket is a flaming nightmare! me and my eldest do love watching how clean is your house and cussing the mingers omg it's so gross. It helps me feel better about my place, no matter how untidy it can get it is nowhere near the lack of hygeine ever on there so it gives me the moral highgorund, I can go 'they are disgusting how do they live like that' lol. It makes me feel better ha ha. Kim and Aggie are funny - there is a very popular reality cooking programme here called come dine with me, 5 guests all rate eachother's cooking and nose around the host's house and they have celeb version - Aggie was on it and the other guests properly went round her house on a mission to find any dirt and genearlly taking the piss! Very funny.
Curb your enthusiasm is funny but and I love the dry humour but I find some of it excruciating to watch - kind of like The Office - bit painful at times lol but very funny! Talking of the old bbc well my parents both worked for them, my dad a sound engineer all his life and my mum in wardrobe department. I was a bbc child, always hanging around the place! Coz of the connection with my dad I get a bit allergic at the mention lol and I have a mate who got done over in a recent documentary on weed, horizon, the evil weed? it was called. They edited all relevant info, like other medical conditions and made him look like a mug, he's been cussed all over youtube and it kills him. So he is refusing to pay his tv licence (goes to the bbc) and is likely to end up in prison but on principle he refuses to pay! No-one can convince him to pay it..... He hates the bbc with a passion now and because of my dad I do too but they sometimes make very good tv, can't deny that! As do your millions of channels and your part of the world - we just get the best of your shows shown here I guess oh and Paris Hilton that kind of thing lol super sweet 16 omg super spoiled b***ards more like ha ha
very glad your man loved your sweet tea lol. Lucky him and lucky you, he gets sweet tea and you get to hear that sexy drawl of an accent..... hows it going? Good I hope!
Well hon I hope you have a lovely weekend Gig sounds great and you will deffo enjoy it more straight - it's a misconception that we enjoy things like music better stoned, actually having a clear head and mind allows us so much more pleasure doesn't it?
Phew why can't I do short posts well I have too much to say, hope you don't mind!
Take care, chat soon, keep posting (please!)
WLB x |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:45 am
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| Hhorus |
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I am so glad to see you here and of course I don't mind you diarying here too, i should not have called it 'my' should have been 'our' - it's open for all and the more the merrier, I have felt so helped by replies I get. Hebes is one of those great stories to read, she has done more than 2 years and hasn't looked back, life has improved dramatically. If you look there are many people saying the same and those who have successfully given up for over a year do still check in and offer hope to us struggling at the start and it is just about the most powerful thing to hear.
Sorry i didn't come on here yesterday had very very intense day. I had been referred by my doctor to someone in mental health but due to previous many negative experiences I didn't think it would help at all. Constantly have asked to see females and constantly been given males, for the last 3 years. Judged every single time for the weed, their eyes just glaze over at the very mention of the word and then they haven't listened to a word I have said. I actually got a lady this time who understood and listened. I lost it when i told her about going to the police and the words child porn and cried all the way but she is going to help me work out what job to do and help me realise my dream. I got moved up 2 years aged 5 to 8 at school which was awful socially but have felt all my life inadequate and stupid to some extent despite being top-set for everything. She agrees with my diagnosis and didn't dismiss it. It's complex-ptsd which is slightly different to ptsd and is similar to borderline personality disorder which I did think i had but not fully - not ticking all the boxes. Anyway it was very intense and a massive relief for someone in the medical profession to hear what I am saying. She said well done for going to the police which I am not used to hearing, there was no point going anyway as they moved to France so police didn't even look on pcs or anything.
Hmmmm well you said you were more interested in my success and talking about me. Ok well I guess I feel the same, takes me out of myself. Very clever what you said about controlling what no-one else can touch...made me think and try to analyse....there is truth in what you write. I don't want to nurture the pain I want to let it go but not getting closure on so many things makes it hard and I just doubt whether my experiences as bad as my counsellor reckons, not getting recognised by medical profession as having anything wrong apart from weed hasn't helped. Feel like I need to prove that some of this truly not my fault and I am damaged by my childhood and parents. Example for you - my sister, in front of me, asked my dad why he married my mum. Answer - 'because she was a good f***' I hate him with a passion and would love to let this go. getting the help I deserve and the recognition that I have been damaged before weed will help this. I will get there. So can you! I have every faith things will get better, for you too.
Weed provides immense relief to dark painful feelings and yep, I can deal with the paranoia as a side effect, it's a very small price to pay for the relief. I do not believe weed is evil at all, scientific evidence or theory by people in the know say that an estimated 10% of users fall into our category - daily smoking, intense addiction and very hard to quit with real withdrawals. So the other 90% can smoke socially or are not affected in the same way that we are. That's where the argument for and against it gets lost, the 90% who are fine cannot believe how much we suffer. I will never look at it as a terrible drug that should be criminalised and that no-one should do it - it's just that I can't do it. Same as all drugs, some can use socially and not have any problems stopping, some fall into it headfirst and can't easily stop doing it. Maybe crack meth and heroin claim more casualties as they are so addictive in nature but even alcohol has the same estimated 10% of people that have a hard time with it.
Ok confession time and believe me I am scared to admit, not to lose face, but in case I make anyone else think oh fuuck it she has so I will. Especially as you care about my success. I had half a spliff last night which made me feel awful, awful, awful. No pleasure. Racing heart etc. Friends texting me and I couldn't reply as so spasticated. Same flipping scenario, ex-dealer and my guilt surrounding his kids. His youngest wanted me to take him to skate place I take my kid to and I couldn't say no. He bought us dinner and handed me a spliff. So weak and so pathetic and in my heart I kmow I have to avoid him until my strength has dramatically increased to be able to say no. At present I can't and need to tell him I am not interested in him he actually makes me feel ill sometimes (his mate told me he has WHD - wandering hands disease which cracked me up coz it's so true!) lol lol lol. I find it hard being firm and saying no. My health and sanity and therefore my kid's lives have to come before his kid's needs and any guilt I feel for staying away. It's just doing it. I am so sorry to tell you that i smoked but no point being here if i'm not honest, i am just terrified of putting anyone, like you, off. I am not smoking today, will hang tough and find a way not to be at his house next friday.
Enough of me anyway i wanted to ask where you living wow Canada. Always wanted to go, i hear the quality of life rates pretty highly. Well that always depends on many things personally but it sounds beautiful. Nova scotia, not heard of it but I am fairly dumb geographically, obv you said it's remote and beautiful. Will look on google!
I have to go and get some nicotine, i only lasted until 5pm that day. Have been smoking nearly 30 a day since then and it feels awful. 14 bucks a pack omg i pay £4.20 a pack and thought that was bad! I've read that it's easier to give up weed first but my cig use rockets when I do that. I've stopped both at the same time lots of times, it's more intense but you feel like a non-smoker quicker and the benefits are more apparent. My counsellor has suggested I get some prescription stuff from the docs next week, I hear it works. Will use the money saved on gym membership, that's the plan! And i'm gonna do it too.
We on different time zones hey so it's hard posting at the same time and making this feel like a real chat, feels stilted a bit but I am enjoying communicating with you very much. Soz that's all about me and sooooo long. lol. Last thing, don't give yourself a hard time about no job for now - you're not in the right place yet to put that pressure on yourself - me either, my counsellor said i not ready yet. I know about the debt too, I got a fair bit myself so frequently panic and say I have to get a job now but in reality it's not possible, yet, but it will be. For you too but for now just look after yourself. Just bit of advice i've been given, passing it on to you.
Keep posting and I will too!
Take care hope your weekend as good as it can be.
WLB (phew that got to be my longest post yet) |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sat Nov 07, 2009 2:07 pm
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| thanks blimey |
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i don't know about busy, busy on here maybe coz i've got nothing else going on! I love the honesty and compassion here as well, it's amazing powerful stuff. Addicts are judged in so many ways but compassion and honesty are top of the list in trying to beat this and it's here in abundance from so many people.
Thanks so much for your post. Really appreciate it. BLIMEY maths and electronics degree that sounds brilliant and you will be in the best place come september to fulfill that dream. Brighton is great in so many ways and I truly love it, it is one of the best decisions I made to get out of London. My aunt lives in NZ and I have always wanted to visit but LOL LOL LOL bout the telly, I can relate sort of, was fairly amazed by aussie telly when I went - wonder if it's kind of similar? My mum really missed paxo stuffing the most when she was in Oz, my friend in Italy was salt and vinegar crisps lol no matter how beautiful the country there are always things you miss - yours sounds like the bbc ha ha. The thing i miss about London is the tolerance and diversity and lack of racism - I never knew Brighton could be so racist but i do live on a council estate. And i'm white british - got myself into loads of trouble here defending my neighbours against racism and that's mainly why I hate living where i do so much. But apart from that I do love it here and can understand why your heart yearns for the place!
I really hope your wife can see how much your dream means to you - relationships flourish on the foundations of compromise but there are some occasions where compromises are hard to reach - babies is one and geographically what you describe sounds like it would be hard to find such a compromise. From your point of view it could be that she allows you those 3 ish years to attain your dream but maybe return after if she still wants to go back. Can understand her wanting to be near her mum so can see how hard that must be for you both. I hope you can stay together and find a way but as you said it may be that you have to weigh up what is more important to you now - your marriage or your dream, and she has to weigh up what is more important to her - you or her mum. I am sure you can have both, maybe the compromise for now is a long-distance relationship.
Whichever way, what you are doing is amazing and encouraging to hear. I will give up the cigarettes and think if you are strong enough there is no point continuing to smoke when you want to stop. I personally associate smoking cigs with weed, it's all smoking to me and I hate it. Going to get the prescribed stuff for nicotine withdrawal and then I will see myself as a non-smoker and it will be easier to resist the weed. That's just the way my mind works, associating cigs and weed with eachother, but everyone does that one differently I think, no right or wrong.
Thanks so much for posting and I have been warned - strike 1 lol lol lol won't get to strike 2 I WILL NOT!
Take it easy mate, say hi to my aunty for me ha ha she's a rabid vicar's wife - polar opposite of my alcohol-loving irreverant mum and they are twins!
WLB  |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:12 pm
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| struggling |
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just my typical merry-go-round of smoking a bit at weekend then feeling like utter sh**e for the rest of it. Can do a short post only when I feel crap not got as much to say for myself.
So I am on my own, youngest with his dad this weekend and eldest at some friends firework party and staying the night there. Dangerous time for me, weekends, feeling crap and being on my own all alone with my thoughts. Had nap this afternoon and dreamt disturbing stuff which is a trigger as well.
All I have to look forward to tonight is seeing Simon Cowell's smug slapped-a**e face or a bunch of priveleged celebs prancing around a dance floor. Saturday night telly oh the joy.
I managed to spend my budget on Friday on clothes for kids and food for the weekend so have no cash which is good otherwise I could get tempted to make a call.
Stop moaning woman and just get on with it, that's what i'm gonna do. Prob smoke cigarettes non-stop for the rest of the night in some vain attempt to trick my sub-conscious but it's too clever for that. Ba****d. lol
Moany old rant over, just need to document the ups and downs so I can look back one day and know I never want to be here again. |
Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:25 pm
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| ho hum |
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Indeed, idle time is most stressful when quitting a substance, The clock ticks and the mind goes to familiar places. Boredom is a nasty trigger.
Its amazing how the ball can get rolling, a step here, step there and will all fall into place. hebes said it well earlier. Need to hold on to that hope things will change, that it won't always be such a struggle to not give in.
I feel gloomy knowing I'm in for another night like last night and another tomorrow because I still don't know how to get motivated, to do anything different.
I can see how cigs are a link to smoking grass. Its not the same but they share an addiction. I'm pretty sure I cannot reach my full potential as a smoker. Smoke too much so the energy levels are lower, that sort of thing. Try not to let it hold you back, one step at a time. Great to quit all at once if your in that disposition. But it could also cause more suffering than doing it in stages.
It is brave of you to be immediately honest about smoking weed, even a little. Try not to torture yourself over it. Its progress, not perfection. It doesn't surprise as much as your willingness to be open about that and trying right away again. If I were to have a toke it would be very unlikely i would be back the next day. So that is awesome.
Maybe next week, when some more money comes in-no gas, I'll go to 1 of those NA meetings for the sake of an activity. It sounds pathetic to me. And don't feel sorry I spent my funds on smokes rather than food or gas also the dentist and car repairs took most. it sucks to be concerned with money all the time, its stressful being poor, that's life. Think it can get much better though, more manageable when theses smoking vices are gone. Never whined like this when things were going well. Its a simple fact of life that money can change one's attitude and attributes to feeling better. Its not everything but its a lot. Makes the world go 'round. Remember when your blue and nothing to do its not all your fault.
I'm just trying not to torture myself for this waste of time. At least when your high it is an excuse. It is a sin to be so useless, that's what I feel like. To think how much I can accomplish is such little time and how much less I am doing with so much more time. Chews me up.
Its making it easier without my dealer bothering me. I have to cut those ties. I'm too easily tempted in these boring days I have to treat them like the enemy. For now.
Strange, I'm not fantasizing about getting high. Maybe its because I have been reading many posts on here the last week and its having some positive effect.
It is scientific evidence for a small percent of people weed is as detrimental as alcohol or cocaine or the likes. In that it removes all inhibitions. That an individual will act out and do things they otherwise would never do. The average toker is most likely unaware of this.
Its difficult dealing with today when the past is all unsorted with attachments to unsettling memories and how to put them to bed. Why childhood emotions are bothering the adult. Shame, guilt, anger and all that. Takes a whole lot of patience and perseverance. A whole lot of (try). Its not a straight perfect line so be easy on yourself. I'll try to do the same.
Back at ya soon... |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:17 pm
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| yeah gloomy |
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that's the right word right about now. Shouldn't say too much coz I in negative frame of mind. I'm scared about tomorrow, Sundays have always been my worst day as a single mum, everyone with their families. Having no money does suck majorly in terms of being able to plan alternative activities I mean what can you do when it's raining and you skint hey? It's up to me to change the financial situation but not much I can do about the stupid weather. It's thunder and lightning now will prob be equally rubbish tomorrow. Like you said a step here a step there and i'm in the right direction. So are you, doing great despite the difficulties, makes you super strong in my book.
I'm so glad for you that the obsession with smoking is lifting, I find it does help to read loads on here, the motivation is kind of infectious. That's pretty massive for you not thinking about it and fighting yourself over it - what a relief hey. Well done to you.
Thanks for saying I am brave for being honest. I feel like a twat and people will get very bored of hearing me say the same thing. My dealer is my enemy in terms of my health and I need to treat him as such to put some distance between me and the weed. No friend would try to convince me it's good for me when it soooo clearly is not and that's what he tries to do, obviously in total denial himself. Slimy too and I feel sorry for his kids coz of how he is - marvellous friend and i'm an idiot for not being strong enough to put myself first. Not a total idiot though, my counsellor would well tell me off for saying that! And now I sound like a child - idiot child ha ha.
Easy to torture ourselves for the chronic time-wasting and lost opportunities but guilt and regret send us right back. Waste of time feeling guilty about the waste of time! we can look back and know it made us who we are - struggles make us stronger or something. More empathetic with others too.
Chews me up too, the lack of motivation, money and job. It will improve I have to believe that or i would just give up on everything right now.
You're awesome yourself, for staying strong and riding out all the hard times. You're giving me hope, it's deffo 2-way.
What you said about the gas thing sounding pathectic, it doesn't sound pathetic, it sounds like me! Scrimping, scraping planning what can and can't do and when around a tight little budget. It's no fun but we going to change it, believe in that coz it's true.
I will try for some sleep now not sure how that's going to go. Might wake up in a better mood hopefully. Will do some exercise on the wii fit or something tomorrow, something pro-active that is guaranteed to make me feel better.
Cheers very much for the understanding, can't thank you enough. We will get eachother through the next few days hey? Quitting buddies hey we just can't rely on anyone else's sobriety but having a shoulder to cry on from someone in the same scenario really helps. I might go to an NA meeting next week too. I walked out of my dealers on friday, stoned, right into the friday night NA gathering which is literally on his doorstep, how ironic. And not literally inside they had just finished and were all puffing away on cigs outside. Too many men in that one though, I will go to an all women's one. Not that I hate men just feel uncomfortable discussing personal stuff in a meeting, clearly not a problem on the old interweb hey? lol
Thanks again and you are doing great, know you feeling gloomy but you sounding positive about not smoking and that's great.
Bye for now,
wlb |
Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:53 am
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| cheers |
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Grown a little concerned with my blabbing. Its been helpful, just worried a bit not to throw you, throwing myself I think. Back and forth with what I believe when it comes to the mighty herb. Just have some more thoughts on the subject. Been surfing the wide web, right?
So it can actually help with social phobias/anxiety. That's kind of where I fall in. So I said to myself, well great! All I have been doing is taking medicine. Maybe I should go get more haha. But then there is 2 kinds, sativa and indica. One is more heady the other more body, one more stimulative, the other more lazy like. Well I did have a dealer in another city that provided a consistent grade but for most of the times I smoked it was a varied product.
So what I'm saying is the medicine is getting all messed up you know? I believe in its medicinal values. For example, giving a sick person appetite to eat. There will always be someone saying how harmless it is. But then you have to factor in the money or get into growing I guess, but that costs money too.
Its amazing how many of these so called peaceful tokers leave hateful words to anyone offering advice on qutting the herb. Makes me suspicious.
Well all I really want to do is offer encouragement on your abstinence. Take it slow and don't get hard on yourself when you take a step back. Be kind to yourself. |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sun Nov 08, 2009 7:53 am
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| hi |
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I feel better this morning. Another days distance between me and the weed.
I think there are better ways to deal with social anxiety and phobias, know what you mean about it sometimes being medicinal but I crossed that line a long time ago. I can't smoke the small amount that would act as an anti-depressant and I think you said about the smoking alone - even the people closest to me that I felt most comfortable with I was uncomfortable being stoned around. Always wanted to smoke it on my own.
Haven't read much about the sativa or indica, what I know is about the balance between cbd and thc being well messed up now. The cbd is anti-psychotic and the thc the opposite - most now has very little cbd and apparently that's the biggest problem. It's by the by for me though, I hate the stuff personally as what it does to me is just about the most negative thing I could do. Turns me into a recluse who wants to isolate and shut myself off from the world. Stunts my emotions which as they are so difficult sometimes has been helpful but I can no longer stunt the joy in this world - there is some and I want to feel and experience it, not hide from it. It's known to have an anti-depressant effect to begin with but as the tolerance builds and more gets smoked it has the opposite effect. That's true for me but we are all different.
I feel like we could be better served communicating privately on sensitive topics, both for us and others reading. It is helpful to me also to let it out and I wanted you to feel that you are not alone with feelings but I could have gone over the top and I do end up feeling too exposed, not to you or anyone who has replied to me but others reading that I don't know about. Exactly what you said too, maybe throwing ourselves off a bit. You are not throwing me off at all but I know when I went to my appt on Friday and really let some stuff out that I felt disturbed all day and still do a bit. It's a healing process I think. How does the private message thing work on here, i'm not sure. Up to you.
Same feeling though, I just want to encourage you too! I am not beating myself up, just learning, slowly. I have never ever ever been able to just have a bit then go back to giving up so quickly - these last 3 weeks have been so different for me. I normally give up for a couple of months and even one pull sends me right back to buying a bag every day. It is because I am so determined to stop and have a fair amount of support going on now, I know myself very well - what I want and don't want. I do not want the weed in any way. I have felt this way for 14 years now and I am just so sick of it.
Hope you sleeping ok and that you too feel good when you wake up. Thanks again to you.
wlb |
whatliesbeneath
Full Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2009
Posts: 158
Sun Nov 08, 2009 10:27 pm
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| no replies |
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which in my sensitive state stupidly upsets me a bit - Sunday is my loneliest day but at least I have had no desire to smoke.
I think I could get too dependant on this forum, prob already am, so am going to take a break from baring my soul here. Will post in a week or 2 just to give myself something to aim for - being able to say that I have made it through the weekend without falling into the same old trap. Will have honest chat with my ex dealer/ sort of friend and put into motion my plan of not smoking at his place come friday.
Thanks to all for support on here it has meant a lot - very kind people around and the success stories are so powerful.
Good luck to everyone on this journey, it's so hard but so worth it and we are worth the freedom and opportunities that come with a life without weed. |
Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Tue Nov 10, 2009 2:32 am
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| hiya |
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I was socially detached as a teen smoking grass. So I don't know why I thought it had any social benefits, it crippled the emotions. Another trick my mind was playing with me I suppose. Harmless as weed might seem I am through with it. As I said before, you help me stay focused.
Had a massive headache last 2 days, migraine maybe, back of neck and forehead. Slept a lot. Remembered some strange dreams which was cool because I couldn't remember having any dreams for a while. Was beginning to worry about that. Will I ever dream again lol.
I'll try not to disappear.
Having a go with the cigs now. Using nicorettes so its still nicotine but that's the best I can manage at the moment. So difficult to get through so telling myself how good it will be in time. There are going to be moments it will be so difficult I don't know what is going to prevent me. So step by step here.
I'm not too concerned with who reads this, I do get self conscious and at this point its not all roses of inspiration.
Keep the faith, back at ya soon... |
Hhorus
New Member
Joined: 28 Oct 2009
Posts: 19
Tue Nov 10, 2009 2:38 am
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| oh and |
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you may email me. Should show up now. If it is not showing let me know and we will work something out. There is a powerful connection here and it would be nice to know that it isn't going anywhere, right? |
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