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Feeling bad about myself is ruining my life


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Author Thread
Teegs202
New Member


Joined: 04 Feb 2011
Posts: 1

Post Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:05 pm

Feeling bad about myself is ruining my life    Reply with quote  

Hi everyone, I'm new here, so hello to you all. I've never done anything like this before but I need some help, advice, reassurance and I'm not sure which way to turn.

I'm a 28-year-old journalist who has no self confidence. People tell me I'm very attractive but I find it hard to even look in the mirror. My issue isn't so much with my face (that's pretty much the only part of me which I don't hate) but my body. I am constantly agonising about my body, how I look and how people perceive me. I used to be a lot thinner than I am now (I'm a UK size 12-14, used to be 8-10), but I'm constantly putting myself down and feel like I have really let myself down. I never used to worry about food, but now I obsess about it ALL the time. I comfort and binge eat and get incredibly depressed when I've eaten the wrong things.

These issues are putting a real strain on my relationship, as I am always talking about how low I feel and how I hate my body/myself. I understand that it must be incredibly hard to be with me, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend - I just want to be normal.

I am addicted to exercise and if I can't/don't want to go to the gym then I get depressed. comfort eat and the cycle of beating myself up just starts again.... It goes round and round and I never seem to make any progress.

I often cancel social situations as I can't face seeing my friends as I feel so self conscious, and it's even worse if it's a social situation that involves people I don't know, as I'm constantly worrying what they think about me. It's consuming my life and affecting my job... I know I'm never going to progress if I don't sort out my issues and be the confident, self assured person I know I can be.

I have considered therapy and have applied for a consultation to hopefully solve my problems.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Can people understand where I'm coming from? The problem is that none of my friends/family know what I'm going through, so it'd be great to hear that someone here knows what I go through every day, knows what it feels like to wake up feeling like rubbish and can't even face looking in the mirror.

I can't carry on wasting my life.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this (if anyone does)

tx
  
jurplesman
Super Member


Joined: 21 Jun 2004
Posts: 14148
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post Sun Feb 06, 2011 6:36 am

   Reply with quote  

HI Teegs202,

Please read:
Treatment of a Low self-esteem.

Most people can improve their self-image by going on a hypoglycemic diet.

And then study:
Summary of Self-help Psychotherapy

in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course.
You may require the help of a CBT counsellor to successfully complete this program, but many people can help themselves by reading the articles over and over again.
Once you become familiar with the connection between mood and diet, you will be able to help yourself. You can use our "Search our Web Site" for more information on topics you might be interested in.
The psychological aspects of a low self-esteem has also been covered in my book "Getting off The Hook", starting at Page 36
FredDuim
New Member


Joined: 07 Feb 2011
Posts: 5

Post Mon Feb 07, 2011 9:30 pm

Re: Feeling bad about myself is ruining my life    Reply with quote  

Hi there , Teegs202.
Seems like my situation is like yours =) i'm boy. good lookin clever and anything can normal man wish about itself. But there is a problem like your situation still think that time to time i'm going down and i'm loosing my girlfriend oz i'm not good enough for her. I KNOW that i am and i KNOW that i am smarter and more handsome than most of my surrounding but still having self-esteem problem. The main problem is that i am jealous about everyone on earth i think hey all are better than me! My own solution is to pay attention on things that i WANT TO HAVE and i dont have =) i mean skills. for example you need to be thin and nice , take a time and take care of yourself prove to everyone that u can do it more than all of them. I mean main MAIN jealous causes are If somebody is better looking or has much money OR has good body i mean muscled ! i hate them but i think my GF likes that but she does NOT! Then i think that boys who sing on guitar are better than me =) so my solution is i can play on guitar and can sing i'm workin on skills to make my body perfect to sing well and be perfect for her. maybe that will take even an YEAR but =)i'm sure that i'll see after end of my suffer that i can sing i can be better looking and so on ! for example u said u are no 12-14 take a hard time and DO NOT eat just feel some pain and u'll see at the end (maybe after month or week) that you ar going up ! thats my solution to pay attention on skills which i think that make other people better than me ! when i'll gain that skills BETTER i cant even imagine how upper my self asteem be when i know that i sing better than they =) and i loook better than they
Auvernii555
New Member


Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Posts: 2

Post Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:56 am

   Reply with quote  

Hey, man.

I used to be insecure myself when it came to fitness, but the important thing to remember is this: most of the time people aren't thinking about your weight or how you look. It's only when you act insecure that they may ponder it, but if they're your friends, they should understand.

That said, if you're interested in losing weight, the big mistake most people make is believing change can come overnight. Far from it. Working out every day can actually prevent muscle growth because it doesn't allow the muscle time to heal and overworks the nervous system. Similarly, not eating enough while exercising convinces the body that you're starving so it starts storing more fat.

Instead, space out workout times if you go to the gym. I go around 3 times a week for about one hour each and jog once on the weekend. That's a healthy pace to go at, but remember that everyone's body is different so you need to find out what's right for you.

In regards to diet, try to include more eggs, whole grain products, fruits, and green vegetables. Fish and other lean meats are also healthy for protein. If you're going on a long run in the afternoon, have some pasta for lunch or as a mid-morning snack. Just make a list, go to the grocery store and stock up, and figure out some meals. For example: I have pancakes, eggs, and/or wholegrain bagels with margarine every morning, with some orange juice as well. For lunch, a packaged caesar salad with crackers or pasta is good, or a turkey sandwich. For dinner, rice, more pasta, fish, broccoli, sausages, etc. Look around until you find some stuff you like; there're many possibilities! It's okay to chow on some junk food now and then. We all do it. If you get an otherwise good diet going there's no problem with the occasional sundae.

Just remember that everyone has to start somewhere with fitness. It takes time, but if you remain calm, eat well, and space out your exercises, you'll see results in a few weeks or so. Don't worry about what others think. From my experience, people generally agree it's pretty low brow to trash someone about their weight so I wouldn't give it too much thought.

It helps to make a weekly schedule of different muscle groups, and there are some sites that can suggest some exercises for you. Remember that everyone starts slow but it always pays off. 3 meals a day and 3 trips to the gym per week and try out different workout patterns. Good luck man!
accuratepsychic
New Member


Joined: 10 Feb 2011
Posts: 16

Post Thu Feb 10, 2011 4:56 am

   Reply with quote  

I can totally relate to you. I am also a writer and I have the same self-esteem issues. I hope you get to focus on the positive things about yourself instead of dwelling on the negative. At least that's what I do! and I instantly feel so much better...
Deranger
Junior Member


Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Posts: 23

Post Fri Feb 11, 2011 6:32 pm

Re: Feeling bad about myself is ruining my life    Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by Teegs202
Hi everyone, I'm new here, so hello to you all. I've never done anything like this before but I need some help, advice, reassurance and I'm not sure which way to turn.

I'm a 28-year-old journalist who has no self confidence. People tell me I'm very attractive but I find it hard to even look in the mirror. My issue isn't so much with my face (that's pretty much the only part of me which I don't hate) but my body. I am constantly agonising about my body, how I look and how people perceive me. I used to be a lot thinner than I am now (I'm a UK size 12-14, used to be 8-10), but I'm constantly putting myself down and feel like I have really let myself down. I never used to worry about food, but now I obsess about it ALL the time. I comfort and binge eat and get incredibly depressed when I've eaten the wrong things.

These issues are putting a real strain on my relationship, as I am always talking about how low I feel and how I hate my body/myself. I understand that it must be incredibly hard to be with me, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend - I just want to be normal.

I am addicted to exercise and if I can't/don't want to go to the gym then I get depressed. comfort eat and the cycle of beating myself up just starts again.... It goes round and round and I never seem to make any progress.

I often cancel social situations as I can't face seeing my friends as I feel so self conscious, and it's even worse if it's a social situation that involves people I don't know, as I'm constantly worrying what they think about me. It's consuming my life and affecting my job... I know I'm never going to progress if I don't sort out my issues and be the confident, self assured person I know I can be.

I have considered therapy and have applied for a consultation to hopefully solve my problems.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Can people understand where I'm coming from? The problem is that none of my friends/family know what I'm going through, so it'd be great to hear that someone here knows what I go through every day, knows what it feels like to wake up feeling like rubbish and can't even face looking in the mirror.

I can't carry on wasting my life.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this (if anyone does)

tx


Hey you ^_^

I think I have some idea what you're going through, for a couple of years I felt and behaved the way you describe. I'd feel ugly and worry about what everone was thinking. I hated leaving the house cause then I'd be out among people who could see me, I'd stay away from social gatherings. Even if girls told me I was amazing and looked better than anyone they'd ever seen, I just couldn't see that. When going home from school/work/whatever, I'd sometimes choose mile long detours to avoid being seen by people, I could walk several hours so I wouldn't have to take the train and be near others and be seen. It's really quite "funny" to look back at, it's not been more than a couple of years.

I no longer feel like that at all, today I'm full of myself and I think I am one of, if not the, most selfconfident and happy persons I know.

I think you need to realize you're exactly like everyone else, and then you need to look at what your surroundings are telling you.

You have a boyfriend. You've found someone who most likely thinks you're the most appealing or attractive person in the world. Do you think he is with you out of pity? Do you think he fell for someone he didn't find attractive or intelligent? At least 1 person thinks you're the most amazing person in the world, and that alone should bring you a great deal of satisfaction, and allow you to care a lot less for what others think. And, when 1 person thinks you're that pretty and likable, you can be certain there are tons of tons of guys who would agree.

You yourself are able to see you have a pretty face, which really is the greatest determinator for who we find attractive. People tell you, you are attractive - you probably are then. I wasn't familiar with the UK sizes so I looked up your measures and your size falls within most guys consider to be attractive/ideal.

You need to stop being paranoid. When you walk down the street and pass a lot of strangers, how much do you really care about them? If you see someone you consider ugly, do you keep them in mind and think horrible stuff about them, or are they really out of your awareness within a fraction of a second? They don't really make an impact on you, the same way you don't make an impact on them.

When you see old friends, do you think horrible stuff of them because they aren't attractive or have let themselves go a little compared to last you saw them? How much do you really care for how they look in the first place? And if you're being objective, aren't you at least generally as smart and good looking as your friends, if not more?

Do you think you're different from eveyrone else? Why do you feel like you're not good enough, even though you're clearly more intelligent than the average person, and probably on the better side when it comes to looks?

If you rate people on their looks, personality and intelligence on a scale from 1-10, how high must they score on that scale before you consider them decent looking, fairly smart, attractive, friend material or boyfriend material? 6, 7, 8? Consider your friends and family and boyfriend, people you are able to accept and like. I bet they don't score higher than you on that scale. And they don't have any higher expections to you or anyone else than you do to them.

You're being paranoid and irrational and you need to cut it out now. You have a boyfriend and a life you're not enjoying cause you're being silly and having overly high expectations to yourself.

I know it's not easy to just take on a different approach to life and perceiving things differently from one day to the other, but try and keep this in mind. I'm certain you'll get everything confirmed, and slowly will realize you're being completely irrational and that you're really "better" than most people you surround yourself with.
qsafe10
Junior Member


Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Posts: 60

Post Tue Feb 15, 2011 9:35 pm

Re: Feeling bad about myself is ruining my life    Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by Teegs202
Hi everyone, I'm new here, so hello to you all. I've never done anything like this before but I need some help, advice, reassurance and I'm not sure which way to turn.

I'm a 28-year-old journalist who has no self confidence. People tell me I'm very attractive but I find it hard to even look in the mirror. My issue isn't so much with my face (that's pretty much the only part of me which I don't hate) but my body. I am constantly agonising about my body, how I look and how people perceive me. I used to be a lot thinner than I am now (I'm a UK size 12-14, used to be 8-10), but I'm constantly putting myself down and feel like I have really let myself down. I never used to worry about food, but now I obsess about it ALL the time. I comfort and binge eat and get incredibly depressed when I've eaten the wrong things.

These issues are putting a real strain on my relationship, as I am always talking about how low I feel and how I hate my body/myself. I understand that it must be incredibly hard to be with me, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend - I just want to be normal.

I am addicted to exercise and if I can't/don't want to go to the gym then I get depressed. comfort eat and the cycle of beating myself up just starts again.... It goes round and round and I never seem to make any progress.

I often cancel social situations as I can't face seeing my friends as I feel so self conscious, and it's even worse if it's a social situation that involves people I don't know, as I'm constantly worrying what they think about me. It's consuming my life and affecting my job... I know I'm never going to progress if I don't sort out my issues and be the confident, self assured person I know I can be.

I have considered therapy and have applied for a consultation to hopefully solve my problems.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Can people understand where I'm coming from? The problem is that none of my friends/family know what I'm going through, so it'd be great to hear that someone here knows what I go through every day, knows what it feels like to wake up feeling like rubbish and can't even face looking in the mirror.

I can't carry on wasting my life.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this (if anyone does)

tx

Do you hate yourself, or you are afraid of what people say about you? No matter what they say you are you. You are who you want yourself to be. You should appreciate the way you are, for, many people would pay a huge amount of money to get a body like yours, unfortunately life prohibid them to get it. I you ever feel inconfortable this way go to the gym. Control what you eat. People often measure someone by the way he sees himself. Love you enough others will fill you with love in back.
Rmontanez
Junior Member


Joined: 09 Feb 2011
Posts: 30

Post Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:01 am

   Reply with quote  

Jurplesman,
Very good suggestions.
accuratepsychic
New Member


Joined: 10 Feb 2011
Posts: 16

Post Wed Feb 16, 2011 5:10 am

double concerns    Reply with quote  

Sometimes it may even be a reverse psychology sort of thing. I wonder if this may be considered a form of paranoia? Teegs, do you also get that feeling that people are talking about how bad you look when they actually don't mind at all? I sometimes have this feeling and I know and recognize that its not healthy but there are times when I can't help it.

On the outside people remark that I am quite a self-assured and confident woman but those who know me well may justify otherwise!
qsafe10
Junior Member


Joined: 15 Feb 2011
Posts: 60

Post Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:24 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by Rmontanez
Jurplesman,
Very good suggestions.

Thank's
accuratepsychic
New Member


Joined: 10 Feb 2011
Posts: 16

Post Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:56 am

   Reply with quote  

Writing about it and acknowledging those issues may be the first step to solving your problem. Smile
dudeski357
New Member


Joined: 05 Jul 2011
Posts: 1

Post Tue Jul 05, 2011 7:00 pm

My Self Consciousness Is Ruining My Life    Reply with quote  

Hi Teegs!
I know I'm a few months over due but I was just reading your comment, and I swear I thought I was reading about myself. I'm only 19, but I'm a journalism major in college, and I've always been very self conscious but its never affected my life to the extent it has throughout my freshman year of college. School was really where I began to feel I wasn't good enough. I always felt my friends were much thinner and more attractive that me and I was the designated ugly friend they had around. Like you, the only part of me I don't think is too bad is my face. But otherwise, 24/7 I am hating on my body. I never feel up to par and I feel like the way I look is a detriment to society. I know that sounds extreme, but I just want these horrible feelings about myself to go away because I know I have to potential to be confident and happy again. Like you, I also have a boyfriend and I think he is losing patience with me because every time we begin to get intimate I get upset because I don't feel good enough! I feel constantly judged by everyone around me, and I know a lot of it is in my head, but all I want is to just feel ok with myself. I'm just looking for help before these feelings get any worse, and I mess up my relationship and my life. Also, those close to me tell me I am attractive but its so hard to believe even coming from my boyfriend. And I feel so horrible for being able to accept the nice things he says to me! I range from a size 6, 8, or 10, but I always think I can be better. I'm an emotional eater, and if I have a bad day I'll eat like crazy, and then go to the gym for a few hours the next day. I know this is a lot to read, and I can go on because there are some things I felt out, but here's the basic jist of it. I done wasting my life feeling bad about myself, and I'm so ready to live and meet people and have a great time! I feel for you Teegs, and I hope you are doing better now!
  

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