Teegs202 wrote:Hi everyone, I'm new here, so hello to you all. I've never done anything like this before but I need some help, advice, reassurance and I'm not sure which way to turn.
I'm a 28-year-old journalist who has no self confidence. People tell me I'm very attractive but I find it hard to even look in the mirror. My issue isn't so much with my face (that's pretty much the only part of me which I don't hate) but my body. I am constantly agonising about my body, how I look and how people perceive me. I used to be a lot thinner than I am now (I'm a UK size 12-14, used to be 8-10), but I'm constantly putting myself down and feel like I have really let myself down. I never used to worry about food, but now I obsess about it ALL the time. I comfort and binge eat and get incredibly depressed when I've eaten the wrong things.
These issues are putting a real strain on my relationship, as I am always talking about how low I feel and how I hate my body/myself. I understand that it must be incredibly hard to be with me, but I don't want to lose my boyfriend - I just want to be normal.
I am addicted to exercise and if I can't/don't want to go to the gym then I get depressed. comfort eat and the cycle of beating myself up just starts again.... It goes round and round and I never seem to make any progress.
I often cancel social situations as I can't face seeing my friends as I feel so self conscious, and it's even worse if it's a social situation that involves people I don't know, as I'm constantly worrying what they think about me. It's consuming my life and affecting my job... I know I'm never going to progress if I don't sort out my issues and be the confident, self assured person I know I can be.
I have considered therapy and have applied for a consultation to hopefully solve my problems.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Can people understand where I'm coming from? The problem is that none of my friends/family know what I'm going through, so it'd be great to hear that someone here knows what I go through every day, knows what it feels like to wake up feeling like rubbish and can't even face looking in the mirror.
I can't carry on wasting my life.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this (if anyone does)
Hey you ^_^
I think I have some idea what you're going through, for a couple of years I felt and behaved the way you describe. I'd feel ugly and worry about what everone was thinking. I hated leaving the house cause then I'd be out among people who could see me, I'd stay away from social gatherings. Even if girls told me I was amazing and looked better than anyone they'd ever seen, I just couldn't see that. When going home from school/work/whatever, I'd sometimes choose mile long detours to avoid being seen by people, I could walk several hours so I wouldn't have to take the train and be near others and be seen. It's really quite "funny" to look back at, it's not been more than a couple of years.
I no longer feel like that at all, today I'm full of myself and I think I am one of, if not the, most selfconfident and happy persons I know.
I think you need to realize you're exactly like everyone else, and then you need to look at what your surroundings are telling you.
You have a boyfriend. You've found someone who most likely thinks you're the most appealing or attractive person in the world. Do you think he is with you out of pity? Do you think he fell for someone he didn't find attractive or intelligent? At least 1 person thinks you're the most amazing person in the world, and that alone should bring you a great deal of satisfaction, and allow you to care a lot less for what others think. And, when 1 person thinks you're that pretty and likable, you can be certain there are tons of tons of guys who would agree.
You yourself are able to see you have a pretty face, which really is the greatest determinator for who we find attractive. People tell you, you are attractive - you probably are then. I wasn't familiar with the UK sizes so I looked up your measures and your size falls within most guys consider to be attractive/ideal.
You need to stop being paranoid. When you walk down the street and pass a lot of strangers, how much do you really care about them? If you see someone you consider ugly, do you keep them in mind and think horrible stuff about them, or are they really out of your awareness within a fraction of a second? They don't really make an impact on you, the same way you don't make an impact on them.
When you see old friends, do you think horrible stuff of them because they aren't attractive or have let themselves go a little compared to last you saw them? How much do you really care for how they look in the first place? And if you're being objective, aren't you at least generally as smart and good looking as your friends, if not more?
Do you think you're different from eveyrone else? Why do you feel like you're not good enough, even though you're clearly more intelligent than the average person, and probably on the better side when it comes to looks?
If you rate people on their looks, personality and intelligence on a scale from 1-10, how high must they score on that scale before you consider them decent looking, fairly smart, attractive, friend material or boyfriend material? 6, 7, 8? Consider your friends and family and boyfriend, people you are able to accept and like. I bet they don't score higher than you on that scale. And they don't have any higher expections to you or anyone else than you do to them.
You're being paranoid and irrational and you need to cut it out now. You have a boyfriend and a life you're not enjoying cause you're being silly and having overly high expectations to yourself.
I know it's not easy to just take on a different approach to life and perceiving things differently from one day to the other, but try and keep this in mind. I'm certain you'll get everything confirmed, and slowly will realize you're being completely irrational and that you're really "better" than most people you surround yourself with.