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Psychology forum home -> Self Esteem & Confidence -> I don't feel sexy. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

I don't feel sexy.


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Author Thread
scubaseven
Junior Member


Joined: 14 Jul 2010
Posts: 74

Post Sun Jan 08, 2012 9:08 am

I don't feel sexy.    Reply with quote  

I am a guy in his late 30's.
I am fit, intelligent, funny.
Average looking in the face but athletic body, great at sport, work etc.

But the problem is, I can't get it into my head that women want to be with me.
I am a nice guy as well as kind and compassionate. I just don't see why a woman would want to be with me physically.

I will keep women at a distance if I feel they are into me. Once I feel they are not into me (or have a bf/husband), I am fine with them. Sometimes they will want to leave their bf/husband for me, and then I pretty much run or act in such a way that will turn them off.

I love women, but I feel how easy it is for them to destroy a good man. I have had it happen to a good mate of mine. But there must be more to it than that.

What the **** am I doing? Why am I sabotaging myself in this way?
  
scubaseven
Junior Member


Joined: 14 Jul 2010
Posts: 74

Post Mon Jan 09, 2012 8:46 am

   Reply with quote  

Confused
scubaseven
Junior Member


Joined: 14 Jul 2010
Posts: 74

Post Mon Jan 09, 2012 10:57 am

   Reply with quote  

Low self esteem? If so, how do you fix that?

Commitment phobia?
scubaseven
Junior Member


Joined: 14 Jul 2010
Posts: 74

Post Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:41 am

   Reply with quote  

No one has an answer for this?

Or no one gives a ****?
CindySoul
Junior Member


Joined: 10 Jan 2012
Posts: 42

Post Thu Jan 12, 2012 7:38 pm

   Reply with quote  

You dont have confidence in yourself.
Keep in mind women think that way too.
JohnSharpe
New Member


Joined: 27 Jan 2012
Posts: 9

Post Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:35 am

   Reply with quote  

It's not a good idea to go down the road of woman destroying good men. The fact is we are all responsible for our own happiness and there are plenty of loving and beautiful woman.

I imagine that you have had success with woman in the past (even if it was a while ago) try and visualise that time. Hold that thought in your mind when you are approaching woman.
Dwallwin
Junior Member


Joined: 02 Jul 2007
Posts: 63
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland

Post Thu Feb 16, 2012 11:10 pm

   Reply with quote  

If you hadn't mentioned 'I love women' then i probably would doubted your sexuality...

What do you love about women exactly? Do you find yourself sexually attracted to them? Do you imagine yourself being sexually active with females?

Have you had sex before? It sounds like you're extremely insecure and lack confidence with even the initial thoughts of being physical with a women. Have you had bad experiences in the past? This sounds like the case as you mention you feel comfortable again when you know nothing could possibly happen when there is something inbetween you and a female (e.g. husband/boyfriend etc)

If this is the case, then there are plenty of ways to gain confidence to improve your physical game...
dav1307
MVP
MVP


Joined: 15 May 2005
Posts: 2404
Location: USA

Post Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:27 am

   Reply with quote  

One thing you should focus on is reference experiences, this will help you to change your beliefs about women and dating, and you will connect more with the "reality" of it all. So try to go on some dates, get some phone numbers, kiss/makeout with some girls, and of course sleep with them if you're inclined. I think you are coming from a mindset of scarcity with women where you don't feel like the world is offering you an abundance of them, where you could date any woman you wanted.

So you should focus on improving yourself in this area. Be "selfish" for a while to help yourself out. You have to improve yourself and develop yourself in this area (meeting women, relationships, etc) before you are any value to the rest of the world and before you can help others if you want to do that. If you have skills with women (to whatever degree you want) then these will be appreciated because you will be "that type of guy" who is masculine and who girls WANT to be attracted to, but unfortunately for them there aren't many masculine type guys out there who know what they want. And you will be comfortable with women as well, this will make the world a better place.

Good luck! I could be off the mark in terms of what you're asking/what your problems are, lol.
DOberr
Junior Member


Joined: 15 Feb 2012
Posts: 34

Post Sat Feb 18, 2012 1:01 am

   Reply with quote  

I used to look in the mirror and go, 'If my wife likes that then that's ok with me'. Now it's 'damn!' (sometimes). What changed? My self-esteem. Make positive actions which you can be proud of, and don't let a personal problem lay idle as it eats away at you. My self-esteem changed when I said to myself 'I love myself and I'm going to look after me'. It doesn't take much time so long as you consistently act in ways that you are proud of. Don't do things for others for want of recognition, do it for self-recognition. Do nice things secretly and watch the outcome. Learn about the difference between self-esteem versus other-esteem.

If you are expecting to feel good about yourself because someone else says so then it's going to be a long time coming, sorry. Most people want others to tell them they are great when they should be be developing their own internal esteem. If they are all busy seeking external esteem then when will they find time to give it? Most people like you when you make THEM feel good, and then love develops on the back of trust. It is lot of hard work running pleasing everyone. Best not to be selfish, but focus that same energy on self-nurturing. My self-esteem started developing as soon as I stopped seeking it externally. My self-esteem now attracts others, not my looks.
telepathyah
New Member


Joined: 02 Mar 2012
Posts: 9

Post Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:12 am

   Reply with quote  

I may get staked for this, but... I think women in general are always subconsciously on the prowl for a good mate that can fend off enemies and provide for her and her young, something that is displayed by confidence and self-esteem. Some evolutionary concepts for ya there. With that said, women want confidence and high self-esteem. So if you have low confidence, just learn to fake it and look outwardly like you have plenty. Eventually, I think you self-esteem and confidence issues will rid themselves.

As for you not thinking you are attractive to women... Not sure, but maybe you are intimidatingly attractive to women? Just like you see a very hot woman and think she's out of your league, I'm thinking they do the same thing when they see a really hot guy.
  

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