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What is so funny about me?


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offplanet
Preferred Member


Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Posts: 308

Post Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:07 pm

   Reply with quote  

I can't believe anyone could be so mean as to criticize someone for not having English as his first language. Not very empathetic! Anyway, if you want to solve the mystery, there is only one way, and that is to simply go out in public with a friend of family member, and, you don't even have to tell them the problem, but notice whether they notice people laughing at you. Surely you do appear in public in the company of others, so it should't be such a big deal. I don't think there is any other way you're going to find out the reason people seem to laugh at you, unless you get some feedback from a 3rd party. Surely it would be worth a little embarassment, in order to get the feedback. I think you're English is quite understandable. Good luck.
  
JD78
Preferred Member


Joined: 18 Aug 2011
Posts: 332
Location: Bend, Oregon

Post Thu Oct 27, 2011 4:34 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by offplanet
I can't believe anyone could be so mean as to criticize someone for not having English as his first language. Not very empathetic! Anyway, if you want to solve the mystery, there is only one way, and that is to simply go out in public with a friend of family member, and, you don't even have to tell them the problem, but notice whether they notice people laughing at you. Surely you do appear in public in the company of others, so it should't be such a big deal. I don't think there is any other way you're going to find out the reason people seem to laugh at you, unless you get some feedback from a 3rd party. Surely it would be worth a little embarassment, in order to get the feedback. I think you're English is quite understandable. Good luck.


I wasn't criticizing anyone for not being EFL. I was criticizing them for not expressing themselves adequately, then complaining when others can't understand them. Learn the difference, and spare me the PC garbage.
Hamming
Full Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 197

Post Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:33 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by JD78
This is an English-speaking board. It is difficult to understand your problem when you cannot properly speak English. That is why I bring it up.

I'm not popping onto Spanish-speaking boards, butchering the language, then wondering why I am not getting adequate help.

Your appearance, where you live, and your cultural background are relevant so we can determine if (a) people are really laughing at you for a reason, such as odd dress, mannerisms, culture or (b) the "laughing" is all in your head and a product of your own neuroses.

If it's (a), I would encourage you to have more confidence, and accept and embrace the laughter. Most of the time people ridicule out of jealousy and insecurity. That's THEIR problem, not yours.

If it's (b), then you need serious psychological help, and you need someone to talk to who can help you process experiences or feelings that you have repressed, likely for years.

THAT is why my question was asked.


The problem is that I don't want to be identified, in case some people who I know may read this forums, thats why I don't wanna tell the place where I live.

I am not wearing "odd dress", I just weak clothes as many of the people wear. Mannerisms - what do you mean by that? I am not trying to use different mannerisms from other people, at least I try not to do that. So that also should not be a problem. Culture - again - you could explain, how the culture has influece there, then maybe I will comment on it. Now I don't know what to say about culture. I am not an Eskimo or some other special culture. I am not living in a jungle. I just live in normal country, like most others, so the culture should not differ that much.

Confidence - I have probably heard this hundreds of times Very Happy have more confidence, be confident, etc. Sorry, but how can I be confident, if I don't succed at something? Ususally people get more confident at something when they are doing good at it.


quote:

I seriously think most of the people on this forum need to check Anthony Robbins' stuff out.

I'll check 'Anthony Robbins - Get The Edge' out. I see there lots of info, will see if its interesting and usefull.


quote:
notice whether they notice people laughing at you.


I think they do, simply they just don't tell me. They are not so rude to tell "hey, you look so funny, you see this guy layghs at you".


quote:
I was criticizing them for not expressing themselves adequately, then complaining when others can't understand them.

I don't remember where I did complain that you don't understand what I write. In case I did, it was long ago probably so thats why I don't remember. But of course I should not complain if I don't express my thoughs well.
Lighty
New Member


Joined: 03 Jan 2012
Posts: 12

Post Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:47 pm

   Reply with quote  

i look funny because i'm skinny and i have a tall neck and i can make people laugh at me by doing just couple of moves. Very Happy

i think maybe people laugh at you because you look funny and that is not a bad thing at all you should thank god that you look funny or u could look something else bad. Smile

good luck Smile
inspiration_123
New Member


Joined: 05 Jan 2012
Posts: 9

Post Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:31 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hi Hamming!

First of all, it REALLY doesnt matter where are you from! Most of people get the idea what your problem is and thats enough. If someone wont understand you right away, guess what? He will ask, you will answer. Problem solved. (it shouldnt be a problem at all Smile ).

So about your problem. Like in most of the things (i see this all the time), you are what you think! We know more about sea, then we do about our brains, be we do know that if you keep saying things to yourself, eventually it will happen.

If you are really SURE that everyone is laughing at you, you will need to ask, at first ask your close friend, if he doesnt know the answer, ask a friend who you dont know so well, if he doesnt know the answer and you see casher at the mall trying to not laugh at you..say to yourself... EHH SCREW IT! and ask: Hey, am i having my zipper on my pants open or something?? Smile

You will see the reaction! Smile

If you will still think, that people are trying to laugh at you, you need to start searching into yourself! I wont tell you get confidence, because this is not something you can just GET, or BUY,...you will need work to get there. But you can start. Start with first step, ask. In a funny way. If they really are your friends they will tell you what is soo funny.

In my opinnion, you've had a bad experience and its stuck in your head.
Believe me, I know some REALLY FUNNY PEOPLE (by how they look) REALLY Smile , but still, not everyone laughs at them. Dont worry we all have something funny...

You know what you can do? Each time, you will think that someone is laughing at you..try really hard to see something funny about him, his big nose, big ears (i am not saying this that you need to make fun of someone), i am saying this to you so you will see that this "FUNNY LOOK", we all have it, if you SEARCH IT.

Dont bother! Seek your own success and when you get it, WHO IS GOING TO LAUGH THEN?! Thats wright!

Remember: "In a world where you can be anything... be yourself."

All the best! Smile
itsjustbrian
New Member


Joined: 05 Jan 2012
Posts: 14

Post Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:49 pm

   Reply with quote  

Are you dressing or grooming yourself in a specific fashion?

The difficult thing, is that without seeing a picture of you it's hard to say if it's all in your head or not.

Personally, I used to be super unconfident and self-conscious about everything that happens around me. When I overheard laughter or people making faces, I would assume it was directed at me.

After building confidence and have great experiences in life to reconfirm this, I stopped caring and noticing these things.
guthrie1
New Member


Joined: 11 Jan 2012
Posts: 3

Post Wed Jan 11, 2012 7:20 pm

I hope this helps, from someone who understands    Reply with quote  

I totally understand where you are coming from. So I would like to share my view. I hope this will clear somethings up for you, and you can look past the insecurities of others.

I use to get this quite abit, and it only intensifies when you pay attention to it. You are constantly looking and watching and wondering what people are thinking about you, and why they are looking at you strange ( or laughing). I'm not a hideous looking person, I'm an average looking guy. This made me feel really uncomfortable and not normal, like something was wrong with me.

So I decided I would accept that fact we are all different, and most of us have some insecurities. The ones looking and laughing ( if they are) are the ones who need to find something external to make them feel good, so laughing and pointing out whatever it is helps them feel good about themselves. I leant that most of the time it's just me, and my low self esteem. It you keep thinking of something long enough this will become your reality. So it's starts with you. Stop this kind of thinking and engage people, and you will be surprised at your level of new confidence.

i caught myself the other day when walking into a room full of people, and look and saw to guys laughing and took it like they were laughing at me. I said so what, if they need to do this then so be it. Other wise I'm not going to let external factors control me. So I stopped the thinking and continue forward, and it certainly went away in moments.
Hamming
Full Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 197

Post Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:10 am

   Reply with quote  

Thanks, those posts makes some sense. Just as I said its hard time for me to ask some people if I look funny. if they will say, "yeah, of course you look funny, how you didn't notice that", then what will I do? Smile


quote:
In my opinnion, you've had a bad experience and its stuck in your head.

Yeah, this is true.


quote:
Are you dressing or grooming yourself in a specific fashion?

No, not at all. I wear simple things, like most of the people.


quote:
When I overheard laughter or people making faces, I would assume it was directed at me.



Known situation Smile
smile_try_your_best
New Member


Joined: 11 Jan 2012
Posts: 12

Post Sat Jan 14, 2012 8:37 pm

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hii there, funny fella ^^

first, I do really believe you, that they may really laught at you - I, for example, always draw around me the sadistic sides in people - no matter what's their age nad gerne.. or I have this wild seeking look, so people often think I'm plotting something or imagining pervy things...

so about your problem..there was this thing with the camera idea, maybe you should try it!
and if you don't like asking your friends...why not your family? Mother, father, brother, sister, there has to be somebody you're more opened to.

and I couldn't help but notice that you care a lot about looking cool and such... if you so mcuh try to be cool in forn firends and realavities - istn't that little tiring?

anyway

you should stop ovrthinking!!

by my opinion, the best way to find the reasons, is to ask the person who is laughing at you: what's so fuuny? just tell me!

and don't care about how you can embarrass yourself and such - I mean that you can sacrifice just once to be not looking cool so that you could find the reaosn, solve your prolbem and be happy! got my point?
you'll probably never meet the laughing person again, so you don't have to care what he will think of you after you ask him...and you can always get away with : sorry, I misunderstand..or sorry, had a bad day.. or such...

so yeah, a summary: forget about your stupid coolness, ask a perosn who you will never meet again what's the problem, solve the problem, and be happy!

life is simple..we make it complicated*

good luck and head up! ;]
Hamming
Full Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 197

Post Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:47 pm

   Reply with quote  


quote:
and don't care about how you can embarrass yourself and such - I mean that you can sacrifice just once to be not looking cool so that you could find the reaosn, solve your prolbem and be happy! got my point?


yeah, I got the point. But I don't know, I don't feel confortable asking that. Maybe I will have to force myself. But this feels stupid - I mean they might think how stupid I am not understanding why I look funny. So probably thats why I feel unconfortable.


And about coolness - the cool people have friend, can easily talk to girls and so on, I also want this Razz
joshlipovetsky
New Member


Joined: 07 Feb 2012
Posts: 3

Post Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:50 pm

   Reply with quote  

That's a tough situation you're in, Hamming. I would be ridiculously frustrated. I think the solution to this problem is one that you won't particularly like or enjoy...it will most likely involve a lot of courage on your part. The cool people you mention that have lots of friends and talk to girls probably went through many tough stages. Maybe even eerily similar to the stage you are going through right now.

I'm a big fan of exposure therapy. When you feel that primal discomfort in your stomach; when you're thinking about doing something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to act on it. I have yet to find any way around this.

This is how I've found it to work: Initially, you will feel incredible discomfort, and minor excitement (discomfort before taking the action, and elation after you've taken action). But over time and repetition, the elation that you feel when doing a specific action will increase, and that initial discomfort will begin to decrease. I made a quick drawing of this concept, but because this is my first post on the forum, I am unable to post it. I will send you the image in a Private Message. EDIT: I actually can't send you a private message, either. Please send me a PM, and I will give you a link to the image, if my account lets me do it.

And: Your demeanor and outward appearance will be changed SO MUCH from developing this habit of dealing with discomfort! That would really help you overcome the problem you're dealing with right now, and whatever other problems show up along the way.

The solution is to become a person who is more comfortable with awkward/uncomfortable social situations.

Best of luck, and let me know if you have any more questions!
Josh Lipovetsky
joshlipovetsky
New Member


Joined: 07 Feb 2012
Posts: 3

Post Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:36 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hamming, I just got your PM, and I unfortunately am unable to respond. I can't seem to do anything without having 10 posts. I tried to post my e-mail as well, but I was unable to do it. So I guess we'll continue the discussion here. It basically comes down to: The more you do it, the easier it gets. It's called myelnation. Google "optimistic wellness" and you can find my website + e-mail address if you would like to discuss this more in-depth!
Hamming
Full Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 197

Post Thu Mar 29, 2012 5:19 pm

   Reply with quote  

I googled your site.

BTW I did not respond so long because my computer was down. And also later I was searching for job and room to rent.
shakirah
Junior Member


Joined: 29 Mar 2012
Posts: 44

Post Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:00 am

   Reply with quote  

Just be your self don't bother yourself to them and don't get affected because they will pull you down specially your self confidence.
Hamming
Full Member


Joined: 03 Feb 2010
Posts: 197

Post Sat Apr 28, 2012 8:55 am

Re: Trying to help : )    Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by smartprettyandawkward
Either people think you're good looking, or you're thinking about this too hard and trying to get a smile out of everyone by watching their reaction and then they feel awkward so it makes them laugh, or....well, the only other thing I can think of is, I know my eyes smile at people when they look at me because I'm shy and a little scared (like a little kid is shy of strangers), people think I'm laughing so then they smile at me. I used to get depressed about it because I thought it was coming off as creepy but someone recently told me it comes off as innocent and charming : ) Does this help?


I was in date with one girl. Later we talked by phone, and at some point she said I was shy and inhibited (if its the right english word). So they laugh at my shyness maybe?
I try not to be shy, and I try to get in in situations where I don't feel confortable to be brave, but I guess I cannot hide shyness this from people even if I try to. But if its the reason why they laugh at me, then at least I would know the reason.


Edit:
Actually she yet said that I was afraid to look at her. I would not be afraid, but the problem was the same - I thought she might laugh at me so I was not a fan in looking at her.
  

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