Embarrassed after crying in front of my friend

#15

Postby Reid » Sat Jan 14, 2012 4:30 pm

Regarding my statement "I actually try to make a point of consciously feeling and accepting it" - I don't always remember to do this, which is why I got fixated on that embarrassing memory/thought. But when it started becoming an issue, I made a point of sitting down to re-create the embarrassing situation in my mind (visualizing it), and then worked on becoming comfortable with the feeling. That soon resolved it. Hope that makes sense.
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#16

Postby knittingfog » Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:22 pm

wow so your panic attacks got better? did you see a therapist then to help you? sorry to be so nosey but the fact that you are better has given me a bit of hope. Hope is something I have been lacking recently in fact I think my friends are concerned about any risk of my being suicidal
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#17

Postby Reid » Sat Jan 14, 2012 6:01 pm

I did see a therapist for awhile, but that wasn't much help for the panic attacks - just kinda nice to have someone to talk to (even if their artificial interest did cost $100+/hr). However, most of my recovery from panic/anxiety was through my own search - a combination of life changes, as well a special form of meditation that I "created" for practicing being accepting/tolerant of the anxiety sensations. That has been the key to reversing panic for me. I'm not sure if it's right for everyone, but worked perfectly for my situation/personality. Let me know if you want to know any more about that.

As for feeling suicidal, "hopelessness" also made me think about suicide FREQUENTLY for years. But in the back of my mind, I never really had the intention of going through with it. As miserable as I was, I was still always more afraid of dying (in fact, isn't that the ultimate fear with panic attacks? that they'll kill us?).

However, I cannot say that my experience is directly comparable to yours. I think you mentioned depression. While I had a fair level of hopelessness and mild depression that one would expect while living with panic attacks, I was never diagnosed as having "depression". Typically it's major depression that's associated with risk of suicide.
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#18

Postby knittingfog » Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:37 pm

To be honest I'm not expecting miracles from a councillor but my friends (mentioned above) have said that its worth a try - that if it doesnt work - well then at least I tried and that maybe if this particular councillor decides he cant help me then he will probably refer me to someone more qualified.
I have been on prozac for almost 4 years now.

To be honest I would like my doctor or whoever to just come out and say "you have..." (depression , panic disorder or whatever) so I can actually put a name to it.

I guess as you said - every person is different in the way they experience symptoms. With me I'm not afraid that my panic attack will kill me - its worse than that (if that makes sense) - its so awful that I would rather die.
The panic and awful feelings I have are like torture - the only way I can think of to describe it is like being tortured by someone who knows how to inflict the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping you alive and conscious.

What kind of meditation is it that you do? is it like hypnosis?
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#19

Postby Reid » Sat Jan 14, 2012 10:08 pm

That's quite an analogy "like being tortured by someone who knows how to inflict the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping you alive and conscious". I used to say that anxiety/panic like dying a thousand deaths, but your description is even more piercing.

The type of "meditation" I do would be closest to "mindfulness meditation", but what I do is actually more targeted for anxiety. I'm not allowed to post any links here, but you can find it on google by searching for "self therapy for anxiety".

However, I must stress that what's right for me is not necessarily right for you. And you also mentioned that you're using medication - a few people have told me they had trouble with my approach while on meds.. My guess is that this is probably because the exercises are geared toward "interacting" with emotional energies, but most anxiety/depression medications have already dulled those sensations, in which case the usefulness of the exercises may not be very apparent.

So perhaps this is not the best option for you right now (I don't know), but I mention it just as something to keep in mind for the future. It probably wouldn't hurt to listen now, but your doctor's advice should be a priority (I am not a doctor - so anything I say should only be considered as my person perspective/experience).

P.S. Does it seem kind of strange that your doctor would not say "you have", but would go ahead and prescribe prozac without such information/diagnosis?
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