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Enough is never enough...


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Author Thread
missbibbledoo
Preferred Member


Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:34 am

YOU CAN!!!    Reply with quote  

Very Happy
  
missbibbledoo
Preferred Member


Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:37 am

IF    Reply with quote  

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don't
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
its almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you've lost
For out of the world we find
success begins with a fellow's will
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are
You've got to think high to rise
You've got to be sure of yourself
before you can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
to the stronger or faster man
but sooner or later the man who wins
is the one who thinks he can.

Anonymous.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:49 am

   Reply with quote  

To read all of the inspirational thread I quoted above click on the link, I know among others that missbibbledoo will love it. It's trully brilliant and a massive shame that it can no longer be bumped due to a silly new forum rule. Enjoy.
[url]
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=41708&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0[/url]
missbibbledoo
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Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Sun Feb 19, 2012 1:21 am

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by time_2_change
To read all of the inspirational thread I quoted above click on the link, I know among others that missbibbledoo will love it. It's trully brilliant and a massive shame that it can no longer be bumped due to a silly new forum rule. Enjoy.
[url]
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=41708&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0[/url]


Great thread, thanks for posting it again, yes it is a shame old threads can't still be posted on. In the past I have always had that internal banter, on and off pot, what I'm finding amazing this time is that there is no internal banter, I don't know why, maybe because I a made a promise and can never go back on a promise, it has taken the temptation away. If internal banter leads to smoking pot again, we start the whole process of withdrawal all over again, the more I read the more I just don't want to go there (even though I can't with the promise)
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:36 pm

About two weeks    Reply with quote  

I knew that great mood couldn't last forever and i've levelled out over the last couple of days, even feeling moments of rage like in the first few days. Possibly signalling the eng of my 'honeymoon period'. It's still early days for me and overall I've done well. I went on a date the other night, probably a bit too soon, but she asked me so thought I'd man up. It went alright and she seemed into me, but I've felt quite flat since. Probably just a coincidence though.

I'm gonna try to up the excerise and reduce the amount of sleep I'm getting. I slept nine hours last night and experienced vivid dreams some of which I've been able to remember all day which is a first. I've been really tired and yawning constantly today. Just a general blaa feeling. I'm already thinking about weed ALOT less and smoking doesn't appeal to me. Just going to keep going, hour by hour, day by day. My mood may have dropped but my resolve hasn't.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:37 am

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by Archeothyris


Come to think of it, I think the reason I ended up giving in was because quitting had become less significant, over time I'd just forgotten about how much I hated this stuff, I don't like the groggy feel, I want my clear thinking back! My genuine smile, confidence, openness, the dreams, it was all so worth it and I just threw that away, talk about psychological, I feel like there's 2 sides of me, one of which I have to constantly fight to get out of my mind, yesterday it just took over, I'd convinced myself that I would enjoy it, that I wouldn't be able to do it in this environment until I go home, I guess I was just kidding myself.. Well, I've decided, I'm going to start over, I'm going to smoke it tonight and tomorrow will be the start of my new quit, I have to. I need to. I want to prove it to myself, and prove it to my flat mate, if he won't support me I know people here will, and when I do it, I hope one day he can see that I'm worth my weight, and can stick to my word.


time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Sat Feb 25, 2012 9:07 pm

2wks 5days    Reply with quote  

It seems 8 hours sleep per night is just right for me ATM. I'm feeling pretty good/alright really. I've been chasing alot more women than when I was smoking. Possibly got another first date tommorow. On one hand I feel it's too soon and that I should wait until I'm through the withdrawals becuase i'm still a bit fragile mentally and in terms of my self image. But ton the other hand I'm enjoying the buzz and it's another reason to stay clean. Not sure about that one really.

I'm still in the day by day mentality, looking forward without weed still scares me. But that's fine and I expect that will be the case for a number of months yet. It's all psychological b*****ks really, past associations that are no more than a trick of the mind . Three weeks ago I was scared of going a wkend without, now here I am home alone on a saturday night and quite contented. I simply do not want a smoke today. I hated the person I'd become, now I have an opportunity to change. I just know that I'm doing the right thing for once. Just like I knew that everytime I bought another bag I was doing the wrong thing.

I just need to keep my chin up. Theres been a number of times when I've got to this point and then relapsed for one reason or another and what happens is when you get high you suddenly understand all the reasons why you souldn't be get high so clearly. Then the dissapointment is overwhelming and a complete buzz kill. It's so ironic.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:44 pm

3 weeks    Reply with quote  

I already feel like a different person. Well maybe not a different person, more like a much improved version of myself. I'm no longer depressed, I have a spring in my step and a twickle in my eye. My confidence has returned and I'm very happy in the company of others. My mood is much better overall. I've almost forgotten about the guilt I was carrying around just a few weeks ago, that voice in my mind (paranoa) has gone. My focus has totally shifted from skinning up and sitting there blazed to improving my life in terms of looking for a better job, excerising more and eating better. I'm better looking than I was too, I've got colour in my skin and the bags under my eyes are in retreat.

I'm sure that I've still got a long way to go until I've detoxed from the THC, but the nicotine should be gone now. I reckon there is still significant improvement to come though. I reckon there are still a number of ups and downs, it'll be interesting to see how I deal with them. I'm surprised I've not been emotional like in previous quits. Theres little things that make this worthwhile as well, like seeing how differently people resond to me, because my energy is better. I'm more optimistic, patient, compassionate and social.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Sun Mar 04, 2012 7:48 pm

Nearly relapsed...    Reply with quote  

But didn't. I had my first major craving on friday and I reckon I would have caved if it wasn't for the fact that I'm expecting to have an important job interview soon. I even went to a head shop to pick up some gauzes for my bong. I have a long weekend off work and it was a nice sunny day in the UK, but there was another reason. This girl flaking out on plans we had pi*sed me off so I guess I was looking to self medicate against unwanted emotions of rejection. Anyway, I didn't and even went round a friends that night while he smoked and I had no desire whatsoever. Strange thing the addicted mind. Then on saturday I bought some and delivered it for a friend who had no idea I'd quit when he asked me. Again I watched him smoke and again I had no interest.

I still feel good and can't really remember the last time I was in a bad mood, oh yeah on friday for a short while. Other than that I just feel a bit flat sometimes when I'm alone, but I think that will pass eventually. Gonna start doing a bit more at the gym this week.
missbibbledoo
Preferred Member


Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Sun Mar 04, 2012 8:28 pm

   Reply with quote  

Hi time 2 change,

Well done, you sound like you are really committed to your quit and improving your life and I guess rejection is a part of life so credo to you for recognizing what you were feeling and not falling back on the pot to mask the pain, better to feel it so we can experience the great moments and appreciate them too rather than being stoned and feeling dead.

Have hit 5 weeks and 2 days myself and feeling really good.

Good luck with the interview. Have a great day.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:50 pm

Day 31    Reply with quote  

Thanks MissB, you're right. Congats on your continued success.

I'm about two weeks away from my all time record. Whilst I'm much happier and feel like better version of myself I'm very vulnerable. All it takes is someone to say something negative to me and my mood changes and I get all down on my myself. I literally feel bullet proof at times, but it's false and my self esteem can come crashing down like a house of cards at any time. I think I'm trying to address the underlying issues that weed used to mask, but I don't have the coping mechanisms at times. I guess I'm starting to realise what a long road this is going to be. But I also get glimpses of how rewarding actually living life is. I think it's probably best for me to just role with the punches for a couple of weeks and not analyse things unnessasarly. I don't miss smoking, I just sometimes struggle to deal with the void that's been left because of the addiction. Perfectly natural I expect. Just got to keep on keeping on. You never know what's around the corner.
missbibbledoo
Preferred Member


Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:24 pm

   Reply with quote  

Have been a little down myself this week and yesterday went into meltdown tears. My back has really been giving me curry and so have been having to take panadeine forte which brings on depression in me, so like you say just got to work through it and get to the other side. Will be 6 weeks for me tomorrow.
skylark1974
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Joined: 23 Sep 2011
Posts: 406
Location: England

Post Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:47 pm

   Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by missbibbledoo
Have been a little down myself this week and yesterday went into meltdown tears. My back has really been giving me curry and so have been having to take panadeine forte which brings on depression in me, so like you say just got to work through it and get to the other side. Will be 6 weeks for me tomorrow.


Hey, don't get down too much, 6 weeks is a massive achievement and don't forget that miss. Sorry about your back pain, i have pain in most joints ( in my body ) and can't imagine what your going through with your back. To everyone who is struggling right now, please stick at it and be strong, it will all be worth it.
Skylark.
time_2_change
Full Member


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 280

Post Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:37 am

   Reply with quote  

After a couple of low key entries I think I should get a post down while I'm in a slightly buzzed state. I've been out on a really great date tonight, had a few beers you know when conversation just flows and there's good chemistry. I'm feeling pretty high on life right now. But I'm no way completely sorted, I've just taken the first few steps on a very long journey which will include valleys. You know what though, I'm alive, I live in the moment and I have so much more confidence than that shell of a guy I was 6wks ago.

However I'm still very much in withdrawal and I woke up sweating last night despite being clean for about 6wks. I still don't remember much of my deaming, I think abuse of THC really frys the brain, my memory isn't as good as I expected. I really do think this is going to take a few more months which on the one hand is good because I'm already feeling good, but to know that there is much more to come is encouraging.

A week or two ago the idea of never smoking again was a foreign concept, now it isn't. I can't believe how much effect the THC has had upon me to still be waking up in sweats after 6wks clean. I was smoking some seriously high grade stuff though, up there with anything you can get in Amsterdam. It feels great to be living life, this quit feels different to any other.
missbibbledoo
Preferred Member


Joined: 01 Feb 2012
Posts: 350

Post Sat Mar 17, 2012 4:53 am

   Reply with quote  

Hi Time to Change,

Well done, you are inspirational. So good that you had a fun, connected date. You are so right about the valleys and peaks, something we have to go through, life is full of valleys and peaks naturally even if we weren't pot addicts. The THC is stored in the fat in our brains and it can take up to a year for this to disappear.

Someone I know who has been a chronic smoker all her life, went for a job interview with a mining company not long ago and even though she hadn't smoked pot for 2 months, they did a blood test and said she had extremely high levels of THC in her system, she couldn't believe it cause she also did one of those detox kits for MJ before the test. Needless to say she didn't get the job, but it just shows how long this stuff clings to us and why the psychological withdrawals take so long to disappear.

The only way they will though is if we stick to our quits. I hit 7 weeks today, so onwards and upwards for us hey. Great to hear from you again.
  

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