Feeling Alone...Friend Moving Away

Postby suchamess » Mon Aug 12, 2013 3:50 pm

So one of my best friends, who is also my sister in law, might be moving away. There's a good chance of this happening, but also a chance it isn't. She's a lawyer who's been trying to find a job in Southern California, but because the market is so bad for lawyers here she had to search further out. She interviewed for a job over three hours away up north, and she said the interview went really well.

I wasn't happy to hear this at all. I want her to be happy of course, but she and I are very close and if she moves away the friendship will dwindle and I know it will not be the same. I know it. We spend so much time together and talk/text almost every day. And that she's happy to just up and leave that? After how much we rely on each other?

She also has law school friends 3 1/2 hours away that she says she will be happy to hang out with on weekends. Another worrying point for me. Like she doesn't care what we mean to each other or what we've done for each other.

It's selfish to not want her to get the job, as she's been miserable in her other jobs (some non-paying) and wants to not live at home anymore (my in laws can be a bit intrusive on her life at times, I don't blame her). I can't help it. I don't want her to leave.

I have some abandonment issues with friends, like they are so easy to leave me and have no problem doing it. The circumstances of other friends leaving have not been of any ill will what so ever, just life changes (jobs, college, etc.) I have friends, but I have realized how codependent I am/want to be with them. I'm not happy when I'm alone, sometimes I am but more often than not I don't want to be. I want to mean something to someone, have them rely on me. Have mutual codependence it seems.

I'm married and have friends, and I know that they all care about me, but I guess what behaviors I'm expecting from them and the actual behaviors they exhibit towards me are two different things. I don't know what's wrong, but I've been walking around with a rock in my stomach thinking about how much happier she will be without me and it makes me really sad. My parents didn't pay attention to me many times in my life, so I guess now I expect it in spades and over the top for someone to show how much I mean to them.

Thoughts anyone? Insights? Thanks in advance.
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Postby suchamess » Tue Aug 13, 2013 7:42 pm

She might move even further away now, as she is considering taken the bar in Nevada. She likes the idea of starting "anew" in a new place, but I still feel abandoned even though I want the best for her.
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Postby JuliusFawcett » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:16 am


Learning to become your own best friend is a really useful life lesson, when you open up to loving yourself more you will immediately find more friendships coming in to your life.

It is quite straightforward to do this. You can look into the mirror and repeat to yourself for 10 minutes everyday "I am willing to change my thought patterns, I am willing to become my own best friend, I love myself and approve of myself, I deserve happiness just because I exist, I forgive all past hurts and I set myself free"
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Postby Dorthy.D » Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:59 pm

Hey PierceTheVeil, Im so sorry youve gone through a lot of pain from your own struggles and your friend. Sometimes the people we are the closest to are the ones that hurt us the most. You were able to see that she wasnt there for you in your time of need. Realizing things like this hurts at first but things get better over time. Maybe she was going through her own problems while you were going through yours and she just wasnt able to handle it. Despite the pain and betrayal, you have to find a way to forgive her so that your scars can heal. Its up to you whether you still accept her as your friend or not. Forgiving her and moving on can help you a lot. You are really hurting right now and you deserve some peace of mind. Stay strong and I hope things get better.
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