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Confidence and Self Esteem Resources
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suep
Junior Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2003
Posts: 52
Location: Brighton
Mon Oct 20, 2003 8:23 pm
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| Client wanting more confidence and better sleep |
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I have a client who wants more confidence, particularly in the areas of presenting, answering questions at peer group meetings and dealing with staff (when its bad news). My client is also having problems sleeping (particularly getting off to sleep and being able to stay asleep). The client is an extremely logical, capable and intelligent person.
This person is a single parent bringing up 2 children (with the aid of a live in nanny), runs their own business (of which they are No. 1 in the UK and No. 3 in Europe) and works 6 days a week from 7.30am until at least 7.00pm every day. The client last had time off work over 20 years ago. The client has nobody to share the responsibility or delegate to and I believe this is the prime cause of the problem as they are unable to "switch off" and take some "me-time".
My client very definitely keeps a clear divide between home and work, but in some ways this makes the problem worse as they are unable to speak to anyone about their issues as the issues overlap both areas.
I can only see the client in her work surroundings and they are often interrupted by the telephone, so trance work is somewhat difficult (I am hopeful of getting the client away from the phone in subsequent sessions).
I have given the client advice on sleeping, taught 7-11 breathing, taught the 3 Things technique. I have also taught the client about One Point martial art breathing to assist in focussing of attention and calming of nerves, located the feeling and tried to alter it, asked the Miracle Question, ascertained personal values and benefits, and even used some acupressure point work.
My aim (if I can get the client away from having to answer the phone) is to take the client into relaxation and give them a holiday utilising trance time, making 1 minute of trance worth 1 hour of clock time for example. I also plan to future pace the client using the breathing techniques and one point and seeing themselves in several situations they know will be useful to use these in appearing calm and confident.
I have explained about the importance of meeting the basic human needs, the value of sleep, the link between the conscious mind, unconscious mind and physiology and the value of worrying well.
I have given the client handouts, including articles from Uncommon Knowledge on Public Speaking, Worrying Well, the 7 basic human needs as well as a few other items.
Has anyone got any other suggestions I can use with this client as any help would be very gratefully received.  |
kfedouloff
Site Admin
Joined: 10 Sep 2003
Posts: 2244
Location: London
Tue Oct 21, 2003 2:31 pm
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| perfectionism |
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Hi Sue
Sounds like your client has severe perfectionism (I absolutely must do absolutely everything absolutely brilliantly all by myself). It often comes out of painful early conditioning. It's quite a hard condition to cure, but not totally impossible. I know, because I recovered from it!
The cure begins when you realise you have the condition. It's such bad news that you do everything to stave it off - like find all sorts of other explanations, and try all kinds of therapies and cures (as long as they don't go near the real cause).
The phone is a protection too. It is simply not true that the phone cannot remain unanswered, or on ansaphone, for 1 hour once a week!
Maybe a bit of outright challenge is needed (we are all very attached to our view of the world, and sometimes it takes a real facer from someone else to loosen our grip). Sometimes a disaster can help (and this has happened to many, many people!) - a broken leg, or an illness, which simply takes them out of action and makes them realise that the world goes round perfectly well without them. I'm not suggesting that you trip her up on the stairs, more that you make it plain that you are not going to join in the game!
As a logical, capable and intelligent person, she can see that she has to decide what she wants. It is not an easy choice, but no one can make it for her. Like Andy, I wonder about that Miracle question!
All the best, from the perfectly imperfect
Kathleen |
Roger Elliott
Site Admin
Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 2276
Location: Oban, Scotland
Tue Oct 21, 2003 5:08 pm
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| Perfectionism |
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Sounds like a classic case of "I want everthing to stay the same and to feel better please therapist".
With someone so business-oriented, I may talk in terms of priorities - spell out very clearly the 'system' of their life - to the extent of drawing a diagram perhaps as it is less ignorable, and sticks in the mind.
I would say that if they want things to continue as they are, to keep on doing what they are doing.
As a business owner, I am well aware of the pressures, and the difficulties in growing a business, but these sorts of problems simply need novel solutions. Some sort of business coaching may well help - there may be someone on this forum who could do that. Alternatively he/she could approach her local Business Link for advice.
With practical problems such as these, I often treat a "there's no way" as "I haven't been able to think of a solution yet". Not being able to hire a sub-manager doesn't mean that one couldn't hire a PA for 20 hours a week for example. If the business can truly grow, more time for the prinicipal should result in increased turnover pretty quickly.
Best of luck
Roger |
Peanut
Junior Member
Joined: 19 Oct 2003
Posts: 28
Wed Oct 22, 2003 2:06 am
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It's doubtful that your client will believe that the following could happen to him/her but the facts are these:
I worked 70 hours a week for years thinking I was the only one that could 'get it done'; had what used to be called a 'breakdown' (because everything was so unbalanced for so long; and ended up not leaving my house for a year + because of fear/avoidance from panic and chest pain from any kind of stress.
I wouldn't have believed this could happen to me either.
Your client is fortunate to have a caring person like you trying to help him/her.
Sincerely, Peanut |
suep
Junior Member
Joined: 20 Oct 2003
Posts: 52
Location: Brighton
Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:52 pm
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| Update on client |
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Firstly, many thanks for all the replies.
Just a quick update... I have spoken to the client and they have found that presentations are a little easier for them, however they really do not want to make any life changes at present. They agreed that they are indeed a perfectionist, and really want to maintain their lifestyle, work all those excess hours and yet still get better sleep, have more confidence,, etc.
They read the Human Needs handout with interest and agreed that it would be "nice to have, but not right for me at the moment".
They have used the One Point technique and mental rehearsal as these didn't take any extra time, they have also used the 7/11 and liked it. However, they didn't find the 3-Things worked for them because their mind was too active.
When they've expanded the business they said they'll have a review then....
Many thanks once again all. |
Roger Elliott
Site Admin
Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Posts: 2276
Location: Oban, Scotland
Mon Nov 10, 2003 10:27 am
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Hi Suep
Glad you have found the recommendations useful. It still sounds like a case of 'help me, but help me the way I want to be helped'.
Good luck to you
Roger |
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. Try to suggest that they decrease the focus off work and onto the other needs - some kind of metaphor/story?
My husband is a retired business man and he also knows the client and has offered to give some business advice/talking it over.