Not really sure where to start but heres where my confusion sets in.
I have at times a strong sense of justice but at other times nothing bothers me. I could be watching genocide taking place in front of me and not lose a second of sleep over it. But at times I can see even a minor injustice and it can send me into a rage. Let me give a few examples.
Example 1: I watched the news today and saw that a woman had been beaten and raped. On one side of the coin it angers me, I think that the person who did the crime should be jailed or killed. I feel bad for her. On the other side of the same coin I have no reaction. I don't feel bad for her or blame her attacker as it's just the stronger of the two taking what they want. It isn't my problem and I could care less basically.
Example 2: A kid down the street got killed during a robbery. It sends me into a rage to hear it, I again think the robber should be jailed or just killed. Something needs to be done. But it can happen again the next day and it doesn't bother me. I dont even flinch at the news. He was helpless and paid for it. It had no affect on my life so it isn't my issue.
It goes beyond that as well, at times all I want to do is help others. I don't even worry about myself I just don't want to see anyone hurt. I have my ideals and I want to uphold them. When I can't do anything to help it will bother me to no end.
But than at times I just absolutely don't care. It doesnt matter what happens around me as long as I get the result I want. It could kill a thousand people and if it got me what I wanted so what? People are expendable. I regard ideals as worthless and the idea of helping or saving others is absolutely maddening.
It's exhausting because in the end when Im uncaring I do some pretty horrible things.
I guess what Im getting at does anyone else have this issue and if so, how do you manage it?
No I'm not exaggerating either everything I've said here is from exact thoughts I've had.