My shy brother

Postby soundonsoundr » Fri Aug 26, 2016 10:54 am


So.. my younger brother, 16 years old, is shy, and I mean reaaalllyyy shy.

The only people (as far as I know) he can "talk" to are me, my other brother and my parents. And even than the conversations aren't very 'advanced'.

He doesn't have a single friend, doesn't dare to go to a shop or anything else. He basically only watches TV, series and movies, and only reads fantasy books.

We must wake him, or he'll sleep all day long. And he's agitated most of the day. He basically abreacts on my brother and my parents, I am basically the only one he doesn't. I think he's got a lot of respect for me because I know how to deal with humans.

But I don't know, I think I have to help him, if I don't I think he'll become a hermit for life, that won't ever leave his own house. I don't think he would ever be able to get a 'normal' job..

So what would you do in this situation? Are there maybe any life changing books I could recommend him?

Thanks in advance.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Aug 28, 2016 2:32 pm

He doesn't need a book, he needs to be taken out of the house, he needs to be signed up for activities outside and things like television and connections to the digital world reduced and then eliminated.

Basically, your brother was not born shy. The environment that your family has created for him enables allows him to be shy, it allows him to exist in a semi-hermit state. Why should he leave? Why should he get friends or interact? He has a bedroom, food, tv, books to read, etc. etc.

At age 16 I'm not saying you make some over night drastic change, but you should be able to modify his circumstances within a few months...EXCEPT your parents are obviously part of the issue. They have enabled this environment. They have allowed him access to an environment that allows him to be a semi-hermit. If your parents don't start helping him, you will not be the one that does anything. Don't buy a book for him, buy one for your parents.
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Postby betawarrior » Fri Sep 02, 2016 7:07 pm

I think the first step is that you have to accept him for who he is. If your brother doesn't feel accepted, then he won't feel comfortable enough to get out of his comfort zone. Interact with your brother more. Try to connect with him with activities or shows that he watches. Ask him questions about things he's interested in. Ask him if he'd like to watch a movie with you. Look for any opportunity to connect with. If he says a joke, laugh at it. If he says comment, ask him to explain more. Overall, be responsive to him. All these things will warm him up a little.

Next, based on his interests, try to send him links to social events or online forums he might be interested in.

Third, invite him out regularly, if you can. Invite him to go to places with you, especially places he might be interested in. Tell him that it would mean a lot to you. He will turn you down a lot, especially in the beginning, but keep trying.
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