Finding my True Self

Postby GunteH » Sun Aug 28, 2016 10:00 pm

Those who overcame depression might understand this feeling. The feeling of returning back to the pre-depression self/identity. Ive also heard that those who had depression since an early age struggle with finding their identity because they have little or nothing to return to.

No way am I happy with the idea of turning back the clock twenty years to my 9 year old self, before I started losing my identity to depression.

Its been 8 years of climbing uphill from the depression I once had. I struggle everyday, not knowing who Im supposed to be or if anything Im doing is the right thing. Sometimes it makes me want to sink back into depression with all the social issues and lack of humor I seem to feel. I know that once I find my self identity, I can start to feel happy, enjoy life, have friends and lots of fun!

I really want to get my life back on track, just not sure how to make the rubber meet the road. Anyone have any suggestions on how to find oneself after going through pretty severe and lifelong depression episodes?
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Aug 29, 2016 6:36 am

You don't "find" an identity and then start enjoying life. You already have an identity. Your identity is the current you, with your current friends and current enjoyment. If you don't have these things, you don't go searching for another identity. Rather, you start making friends, you start doing things, you start participating in activities that change your identity over time.

The counter is always something that says "my current identity can't make friends". That is self-handicapping. It is fear, anxiety.
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#2

Postby handheart » Mon Aug 29, 2016 10:45 am

Be a strong man and fight for it .Powerful people suffer a lot on life and maybe you suffer a lot on your life but now its time to hope you will get stronger day by day
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#3

Postby master1 » Mon Aug 29, 2016 10:50 am

You sound like you have a very poorly defined self. It's possible to exist in such a state, as I've done it. The pain is excrutiating however.

The self is developed through emotions (particularly desire) and worthiness.

Read - 'Heal the Shame that Binds You' for a full explanation of the mechanics of abandonment of the true self, and the development of the false self.
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#4

Postby GunteH » Tue Aug 30, 2016 12:38 am

@Richard

Thanks for the truth in your words, really helps. I have had low esteem issues in the past, with identity issues for as long as I can remember. To speak frankly, I'm still developing confidence but I can see it happening gradually.
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#5

Postby GunteH » Tue Aug 30, 2016 12:40 am

@handheart

Thank you for the kind words! Really, means so much that you're kind enough to help another fellow on their journey :)
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#6

Postby GunteH » Tue Aug 30, 2016 12:45 am

@master1

Thank you for the honesty, I really need it to make sure Im committed to growing everyday.

Ive been called a "social chameleon" before, and I have sold my value short with some bad company in the past for the sake of people pleasing. I got tired of being a 'tool' and being used, so glad Ive moved so much higher since then. I am really reaching out because I know I might need help to build my identity up.
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#7

Postby master1 » Tue Aug 30, 2016 3:38 am

A good little exercise to start the day. Pay attention to your dominant emotion (which will be in your chest, gut or throat... probably chest). Then use that feeling to decide on an action. The action might be a movement, behaviour, speech. But don't think what to do, feel what to do. The success of the action is determined by an improvement in the feeling in the body.

If your emotions have been shamed, you will find this hard work. Try doing it around others and you will notice they open up to you more. Chameleons don't get much love.
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