Itimidation

Postby grodbeats » Thu Sep 01, 2016 12:35 pm

I'm a 30yr male, mostly reserved around others. As far as stature and appereance, I'm 5'5 around 130pds and wear glasses.

What I am having occur on each Job I have is with management, and usually males, sometimes female management.

There is always this one male that is domineering and tries to intimidate me, whether, through speech and their tone of voice. it's like they think they can ewalk over me like a doormat.

This has happened at each job I have had especially with my first job, but it continused on other jobs as well.

Why is it always this one single person in management that tries to single me out of all the other coworkers and pick on me?

Thanks for reading message.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:22 am

Because when you start a new job, you begin to look for the person that will be the domineering/intimidator. You find them, because almost every single workplace has a range of people, including alphas.

It is not about switching workplaces until you don't find an alpha at that particular job, rather it is about building your self-esteem and skills to deal with the entire spectrum of the typical workforce, including alphas. The best way to deal with an alpha is to be in a position where you simply don't care.

For instance, you mention you are 5'5" and 130 lb. You are working in a modern workforce, right? You have 0% of an actual physical altercation. This means you have framed your problem on physical characteristics as if that plays any role whatsoever. That is your issue, your baggage you are taking into the workplace with you. Reframe what characteristics make a person successful in the modern workplace. Intellect, networking, social skills, etc.
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#2

Postby whybotherwhynot » Fri Sep 02, 2016 2:28 pm

Go to gym, do weight lifting, take karate, taewando, etc... to build your strength and confidence.

One of the posts of Richard@DecisionSkills had given you a link showing 100 famous short men by height. Deng Siu Ping, the former president in China, was/is 4'11".

It does not help when you don't do anything for self improvement but just sit there to complain and feel sorry for yourself.

I have a friend who is 5'3". He can lift 400 lbs, and he has many friends because he's strong and confident. He has very good techniques in weight lifting and helps many of his friends at the gym.

When you join some fitness classes, you learn something and find people who have something in commons with you, and you can make friends with them. And when you are at work, you have something to talk about, and people see you are strong and confident, they don't dare to make fun of you or bully you.

You need to have a very strong will power, push yourself to do what you need to do.
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#3

Postby grodbeats » Sat Sep 03, 2016 12:26 pm

The root of my question is could it be the impression I'm giving off? Or the one they are forming of me in there heads?
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#4

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Sep 04, 2016 12:28 pm

grodbeats wrote:The root of my question is could it be the impression I'm giving off? Or the one they are forming of me in there heads?


Well it is definitely how you are behaving. There is a consistency there. You enter a workplace and your behavior repeatedly invites a type of response.

For instance, if you were the guy that never speaks up in a meeting and then wondered why management was always asking you questions, it would be a direct result of your behavior. A manager would have to ask you questions as you are always quiet.

You have framed what a workplace is suppose to be around physical traits, such as height. Taller guys dominate shorter guys. That is your belief, so that is the impression you are giving off. It is not that the taller guys are necessarily actually dominate, rather you sit there and so they take charge as any normal person would do and you sit there.
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#5

Postby grodbeats » Sun Sep 04, 2016 11:49 pm

Richard your reply didn't make any sense to me as regards to my question.

What I meant by impression, is that could it be that due to my stature and me being quiet that a dominant individual thinks that they could treat me in such a manner to where I they try to make me appear inferior to them?

Example when you see a short scrawny individual and you are big, you subconsciously think that the short person is timid shy and that they can be a pushover
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#6

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Sep 05, 2016 3:30 am

No.

Grodbeats, there are plenty of short people in the world that do not get dominated. You do. What is the difference between you and all the other short men in the world? If what you said were true, then all we would have is a society of tall dominant men oppressing short men and women. Is that what you believe? Is that the world you live in? Because that is not the world the rest of us live in.

I have worked with both tall men and short men. I have worked with men plenty taller and more physically imposing than me. Not once has any of them dominated me. Look throughout history and you will find plenty of short men that were leaders of nations.

I am telling you, that you are your own problem. You keep pushing to get the answer you want to hear. You want to hear that tall men see a short person and want to dominate them. That is your fantasy that has turned into your reality.

Guess what? There are plenty of tall people, big people in the world that get dominated by smaller individuals. How does that happen? How does a small man, intimidate a physically larger male? It happens all the time. We don't live in hunter gatherer societies anymore. We live in cities and go to offices. The tall, big man might have self-confidence issues, because they don't have the skills or abilities to out negotiate the small man. The small man gets up in front of the entire office and gives a great speech. The big man is afraid of public speaking.

Here is a list of 100 short men. You think tall men dominate and intimidate them? Absolutely not. It is all in your mind and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

http://www.themodestman.com/100-famous-short-men/
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#7

Postby grodbeats » Mon Sep 05, 2016 1:00 pm

So what are some practical steps I can take in the workplace?
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#8

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Sep 05, 2016 3:37 pm

grodbeats wrote:So what are some practical steps I can take in the workplace?


Participate in committees.
Attend company functions.
Network with colleagues, including men that have a bigger physique than you.
Actively communicate with the men, or women you find "intimidating". You will probably find out 90% are decent people.
Volunteer for projects.

In any instance where you feel uncomfortable, make it a point to interact more often with that person. With more interactions, you will find jerks of all physical sizes, genders, ethnicities and backgrounds. It won't be only big men.
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#9

Postby PhillipLoco » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:24 am

I personally hate bullies of any type.
With the office Bully , just approach human resources or take a small recorder and record the bully discreetly . Also keep a diary of every incident date time what happened etc. You can also approach a Lawyer.
So when you complain you make sure you have a witness trust me this bully will harass other people. So complain at the highest level with someone you can trust by your side and you can play the cassette make sure you keep an extra copy of your notes & recording kept at home in case you take it to court. Remember the workplace will want to destroy any evidence you collect to save being sued. And if he threatens you that's a Police matter. The Media is also always interested in office bullies especially senior management . Imagine the headlines in the tabloid press. Don't get mad get even. :D
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#10

Postby PhillipLoco » Fri Sep 30, 2016 3:09 pm

TOP 5 WAYS TO GET REVENGE ON A BULLY
How to make a bully your bitch in any situation.
But since most of you have probably found yourselves at the receiving end of bullying more often then not, we thought to offer some suggestions as to what to do the next time some a**hole tries to gaffle your lunch
At School: If you are being bullied at school, good luck fighting back. You may think you know how to take a punch, but chances are that the bully in question has got the crap kicked out of them by their alcoholic father so many times that a runaway truck couldn’t stop them from stomping you into paste. What’s a little geek like you supposed to do then? The answer is simple. Make friends with an even bigger, even meaner bully, and tell them that the jerk bothering you has been going around telling everyone that he boned the meaner bully’s mother. Bullies will not check facts before giving someone a pounding, and they do not show remorse when proven wrong later. You’ll be wearing your lunch money on your sleeve with blatant disregard while your tormentor is cooling their heels in the county hospital. Great job!

The Workplace: Getting bullied at work? Jesus man, you’d thing that you’d grow out of it, but once a wiener always a wiener I suppose. Lucky for you, physical violence is not commonplace in the workplace. But that won’t stop your bully from making you look like a punk at every given opportunity. The best way to combat this is to put them on the defensive. Start by planting disinformation about your co-worker throughout the office. Make sure that all the office gossips know that your bully is an alcoholic, toupee wearing, office supply stealing date rapist who touches animals in their bathing suit area, moonlights as a rodeo clown and is quite possibly a terrorist. He’ll be so busy defending against these rampant accusations that he’ll forget all about you! Great job!
The Bar/Club: The bar is a little stickier, because you can get beat up here, and also because alcohol is sticky. If you are being bullied at a bar, you can’t really back down or you will look like a bitch in front of the ladies. You also will have a hard time talking your way out of trouble when dealing with a pissed off, drunken ex-con hell bent on kicking your donkey and banging your girlfriend, because these people are irrational. Why not offer to buy him a drink? Whisper in your date’s ear to go bring the car around. While your new pal is distracted by your act of generosity, smash a bottle or glass on his head and run like hell! Bonus points if he gets lemon or limejuice in his eyes. Dive into the passenger seat like a Duke of Hazard and peel out before anyone even knows what happened. Also, your chick will be turned on by your crazy and dangerous behavior. Just don’t plan on going back to that place anytime soon. Great Job!
Family Gatherings: Family gatherings are hot beds of bullying. Parents, siblings, cousins, in-laws, even pets, everyone is a potential enemy. After all, we can’t really choose our family, can we? You can, however, choose your friends. Why not bring a friend along that’s a walking, talking abuse magnet? I’m talking about a real John Arbuckle type fellow here, bad dresser, funny haircut, buckteeth, maybe a socially debilitating lisp or stutter. Use Poindexter as a decoy to soak up passive aggressive comments from your pill popping aunt, Indian burns from your ADD-riddled younger brother and outright verbal denigration from your football obsessed, Budweiser-swilling cousins. You’ll be in the clear, and your “friend”, the sucker, will be glad just to have had the opportunity to leave his mom’s basement for one glorious afternoon. Great job!
On the Road: If you’ve ever driven a car for any prolonged amount of time, then you have been bullied at least a hundred times by road raging maniacs with blatant disregard for common sense and safety. One trick I like to use is the speed match. Make sure that you are on the freeway exit side of the freeway, and match your bully’s speed exactly, no matter how fast or slow he goes. Stare ahead obliviously as you do this so as to give no indication that what you’re doing is purposeful. Pretend you are deaf to his cacophonous honking. They’ll be so pissed when they miss their exit, you may have to prepare for a demolition derby. I hope you have good insurance! Great job!
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