Jealousy of sister getting worst

Postby Jazzylife » Mon Nov 07, 2016 6:15 am

I just turned 30. I've been jealous of my sister ever since we were little. she was the smarter one, better in sports won all of the awards etc. Now that we're older she's even prettier, she looks like a model and has the most wonderful personality. Everytime we meet people I always assume they like her more because she's prettier and her personality is better. I always think people look more at her when they talk to the both of us or even see guys checking her out which makes me wanna cry. It makes me angry, sometimes I feel like I lash out at her even though it's not her fault, it's just self esteem issues. I want to get to a point where I can embrace her inner and outer beauty as well as my own. I want the comparing to stop so I can live me life and cheer her on in hers. Please help!
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Postby Roady » Mon Nov 07, 2016 9:52 am


Congratulations because of your 30'st anniversary.

Comparing... that's a very awful thing.
Who has learned you to compare yourself with your sister?
Your parents I guess? Did your sister got more attention from your mom? Or dad?
Are you twins maybe?

It seems that you've made your sister very important to you.
You have put her on a huge pedestal.
Why don't you put her off? Why don't you let your sister free?
IN fact she is playing a very important role in your life isn't she?

But you are the one that let it happen.
So you are the one who can change your view on your sister.

It must have some advantages for you to make your sister so important.
Do you recognize these advantages?
Are you willing to let these advantages go and take the risk to..... become yourself (whatever that means)?
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Postby All in the mind » Mon Nov 07, 2016 2:24 pm

She is your imagined rival, yet she is not trying to take anything away from you. What are you still trying to compete for? Status? Attention? Whose attention?

What do you want to do that will lift your self esteem and that cannot be compared to any aspect of her?
All in the mind
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Nov 07, 2016 3:19 pm

Jazzylife wrote: I want the comparing to stop so I can live me life and cheer her on in hers. Please help!

What goals or aspirations do you have that do not involve comparing yourself to another person? For example, I currently have a goal to learn Mandarin. What are your goals?
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Postby royaltywriter » Tue Nov 08, 2016 8:23 pm


I first want to commend you for being so honest about how you feel. Not many people have the guts to do that. Not only do I commend you, but I also congratulate you. Yes, I congratulate you! Being honest is the first step towards improving yourself.

Now that the issue is out in the open it will be easier to grasp the solution.

You have to value YOU, before you can truly value anyone else. Your sister may be beautiful, but don't allow her beauty to be esteemed more than yours.

Take some time and learn to love YOU. Start with writing down the things you like about yourself and read that list everyday. Write statements like, "I am intelligent!","I am beautiful.", and "I am valuable." This is what is called self affirming exercises.

Affirm yourself! Don't wait for anyone else to do what you can do for yourself. The word affirm is equivalent to the word declare and declaring is something kings and queens do. When they make a declaration, they are making it clear how things will be. So, I am telling you - make it clear to yourself that you are beautiful, amazing and a dynamite young woman!

You don't have to be royal by blood to declare anything and it be accepted. So, call it how you want it! You have the power to determine whatever reality you want. Connect with the queen in you and walk in confidence my dear.
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Postby AlexD » Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:21 am

Congratulations on turning 30, what an amazing decade you have ahead of you! It is the decade in which you learn to become comfortable with yourself. And that's exactly what you want, right?
I completely agree with royaltywriter. You need to focus on YOU. Your sister is your sister. I don't have a sister but I have seen many times people checking out women whom they perceive as looking better than me. It did use to bother me until I came to my senses in my 30s, seriously. I decided that I will carry myself the way I really like carrying myself, without comparing myself to anyone else. Because, believe me, even when you don;t have a sister, you will find someone to compare yourself to. It's only natural. And because you grew up together in your case, it is also very normal to feel jealous. So congrats from me as well, for being so honest with yourself, such a hard thing to do! You are at a point that you are getting tired of feeling jealous. Once you get the ability to tame that feeling, you will stop comparing yourself to your presumably prettier sister.
Positive self affirmations, yes, and again, yes! Just as royaltywriter urged you to do. I tell all my self-confidence clients, get in front of a mirror when you utter your affirmations with a smile and with sincerity. Say the affirmations out loud. You will learn to believe them. I didn't invent the method, but I use it just as many other coaches do, because it works! How I know it does? By using it myself when I got advised by my self-confidence gurus years ago.
Keep in mind though, that you will have to make this a habit. You need to persevere in affirming and declaring yourself in a positive light. This means you need to declare yourself daily. It will feel awkward at first. But you will be alone and nobody else will watch. It will take some time because you have hammered that low self-esteem in yourself for years now. But if you are really sick of the jealousy and are highly motivated to allow yourself to live a better life within your own skin, you will make a much faster progress towards self-acceptance and self-love.
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Postby wonkymirror » Mon Mar 27, 2017 8:47 pm

Growing up I was told that my sister was "the pretty one" and I was "the clever one" and that is something that has dogged me my whole adult life. I felt constantly in my sisters shadow at school, she was always more popular than me. But I came to realize, that it wasn't about which sister was what label, we were just different that's all, we had our own strengths and weaknesses. I had put myself in my sisters shadow believing that people wouldn't like me- in making that assumption from the get go I hadn't given myself a chance!

Life is tough at the best of times, and if you have a sister that loves you, then you must try to look past your jealousy and cherish your relationship.... or something less saccharine
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Postby Avery » Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:26 pm

Have you ever told her how you feel in an honest, vulnerable way? For me this is always a good step with relationship issues, there's friction you've built up with her and talking about your frustrations can deflate a lot of the built up tension.
There's probably an overarching insecurity here of not being good enough, I think the first step is actually to spend more time with your passions and the people you care about. If you spend most of your time on the tv/facebook/etc, consider dedicating your time to something you deeply value instead.
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