what to do with low self esteem?

Postby Valley » Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:57 pm

hi i'm 22 years old and have low self esteem since i was a kid.
i don't really have big issues because of that but what i noticed it is the older i get the more lies i have to keep up to cover my low self esteem (most of them i probably tell to myself).
accepting that i have low self esteem was a huge relieve for me and now i wonder if i can actually work on it or if i have to live with it. i managed to develop a working mask that i put on for the outside world, should i get rid of it? because it helps me alot.
i just don't really know if and how i can improve my low self esteem. i think when i fix it i finally can get a girlfriend or wont procrastinate so much anymore.
has somebody experiences like these?
sorry for bad english :?
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Postby Marais » Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:13 pm

How exactly is low self esteem hurting you? How did you notice that the older you get the more lies u use?
Give examples
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Postby Roady » Sun Nov 20, 2016 1:40 pm

Valley wrote:accepting that i have low self esteem was a huge relieve for me and now i wonder if i can actually work on it or if i have to live with it.

The very first step solving a solution, is admitting that you have a problem.
Well, you already made that first step. Great!

It would give you HUGE relief to admit it to everybody.
How feather light would your walk be without carrying all those masks with you.
How relaxed will you become to show just who you are, not making an inch more beauty/strong/big then you really are.
Wow, people will love you and respect you because you show yourself, and you show some vulnerability.
That is what people wants to see.

Actually the term "low self esteem" is kind of bull sh#t.

Look at a tree. A wonderful creation, just growing out of the ground. Nobody knows what exactly happens in the tree, with all his branches and leaves and maybe some sort of flowering. Actually it's a complete miracle.

One person who is walking by things: What an ugly piece of wood do we have here. Let me chop it and fire it in my fireplace.
Another person thinks: Wooow look at this amazing colors. She starts taking pictures of it.
The third is walking by and see nothing because he is not interested in trees.

The fact is, the tree is just there. Point. It is. Totally apart from the different views people or birds or whatever have on it.
It's is a tree. That's a fact.

What about you?
You are not a tree, but a person with a brain.
In your life somebody must have learned you that you have a low value. You have believed what they told or showed you.
That is what you call "low self esteem". But the fact is that "you are".
Your being is a fact, no matter how much affection, attention or love you have got in your life.
And the feeling you have now is totally different from the facts.

So you must find a way to start to believe different the facts about yourself.

In the end you will discover that there is nothing such as "high" or "low" self esteem.
Your value is a fact. If you treat yourself according to this fact, you will grow out of your problem very soon.
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Postby AlexD » Mon Nov 21, 2016 11:13 pm

Yes, you can learn to feel more confident about yourself. You do not have to live with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I became a self-confidence coach because I had to overcome every single one of my own self-esteem problems and throw away the masks I had made for myself. I commend you for your honesty. Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing.
There are several approaches you can take. You may tell about your issue to a close circle of friends, or to everyone. However, be careful because some people like taking advantage of those who admit to low self-esteem. The people you choose to tell about it may or may not help you, depending on their own experiences, honesty, and knowledge.
What increases self-confidence is your ability to manage different types of meaningful challenges no matter what it takes. If you have fears due to lack of skills or knowledge, then make it a goal to learn a new skill each week or so, and try to get out of your comfort zone more often. If you only have one or two great skills, then everything else that comes your way will make you very nervous and anxious. Why not write down some goals that are important to you for your self-improvement? Start asking yourself questions. Honest questions.
Do you really need to wear an imaginary mask? Or can you simply adopt some qualities that you admire in other people so you become the person you want to be on a more genuine level?
Self-improvement is a lifelong journey. You may take others' advise as feedback, but ultimately it is only your decision as to what you want to improve in yourself in order to like yourself the way you are and keep building on that. I hope this makes sense. :D
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