Suppressing/erasing thoughts/memories

Postby Napoleon2 » Wed Dec 14, 2016 2:18 pm

I've been through a tough time this past year with my partner. An affair was had between my partner and "an old friend". It went on for a few months and I was answered honestly what happened between the 2. We are now and have been working on things since it all happened and we are very happy but I can't get the other person or events out of my head. the more I try to forget the more they remain. Can I do anything to block them and not have them flooding back into my head any time said person is mentioned/bought up??? I don't want to suppress/remove how I felt or signs of the affair happening just the thoughts of "did this happen then?" "Were you there with *person* this time or that time!?"
I have seen A counsellor and psychic (don't particularly believe the psychic) but these thoughts keep bring *person* up and I cannot seem to block the thoughts. To be happy and move on I want the thoughts put away. I don't need to think about it. It happened a year ago I don't need to think about it anymore !! Can I do something or go to someone for help for this? And what is it that it is called so I can go straight to somebody to help. It's ruining my mental health !!!
Thank you for any suggestions or insights!!!
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#1

Postby SuzieO » Thu Dec 15, 2016 5:34 am

Hi Napoleon2,
Although I haven't had an unfaithful partner, I have had at times thoughts that I just can't get out of my head. I am bit of a self development junkie and have researched lots of different ways to overcome limiting thoughts. The best way I have found at this time is a 2 step process 1. to do EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique. Basically it works to calm down the nervous system. And 2. accept the thoughts and all the emotions attached to it. The more you try to suppress it the more it will come up and demand attention. I literally treat the thought as a young child needing attention, let it be heard, throw the tantrum if need be and once the child has been validated and heard start to re program by thinking of how you want the situation to be like (e.g. I am trusting, it is safe for me to trust again etc). I either put myself in a mindfulness state or do tapping (EFT) while I am fully expressing my feelings.

For me my feelings are my guidance system - if I feel any discomfort it means I have more work to do to release the issue. Often the issue comes back to a time in our childhood when we felt wounded for any reason. Just remember as children we do the best we can but have a very limited view of the world and how to deal with issues that come up. So the issue might seem trivial to us as adults but to a child it could be very distressing. Until we deal with the issue and release the pain, fear or what ever the negative emotion is it will keep coming up to haunt us.

Hope this helps :D
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#2

Postby Roady » Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:39 pm

Blocking thoughts or emotions is never a solution.
Your thoughts are there with a reason.
It may help you to talk about your feelings and struggles.

It seems to me that you have a fear inside that is now triggered by the affair your partner had.
Do some self-investigation in stead of looking for the trick to remove all your thoughts.
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#3

Postby laureat » Sat Dec 17, 2016 7:01 am

Hi there

From my experiences in life,
I would say memories will always be there, but more time goes their emotion will reduce

You will start to have positive experiences in life and you will be happy again

you start to see them, feel them as simply as its the past not to experience them as if they are the present

Because you still feel it as the present you still want to do something about it, but you cant , its the past and its gone

If two are willing to be together i believe they can make it, they can live really happy life

After having lots of positive experience you feel good about the relationship

However, i cannot guarantee you what the other will do on the future , what if you face the same problem again maybe after two years, four years? Idk

You decide for oneself if its worth to try to make it work or is it better to move on with your life
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#4

Postby Harrison57 » Sun Dec 18, 2016 7:21 am

My Ex partner did the same to me. At the time, we decided to work through things and to be honest the thoughts never completely went away. However you will learn to deal with this over time, the best advice I can give you is if you're really struggling to talk to your partner about it and don't let it fester away at you. Maybe even seeing a therapist.

Good luck to the future
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#5

Postby wizardoftrance » Sun Dec 18, 2016 7:45 am

You don't want to experience that feeling any more? Find a local hypnotist and have them remove the emotional significance from the event that caused it. Easily done and is fairly common.
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