I Got Punished & abused in front my family, what do i do ?

Postby sonpan » Sat Dec 17, 2016 9:04 am

I am a 19 year now, but mostly I always feel unsafe when I travel at night and in dark places. I am scared of tall men. I start stammering while talking to them. I have no confidence most of time.

When I was 13 years old, I got an infection near my genitals & thighs. I was rubbing my genitals for many days. My sisters complained to my mom. Mom thought that I have grown up and was masturbating.

My mom took me to a quack. He asked me to remove my clothes, . He checked me and found no disease. He told my mom that I was misbehaving as I did not have any problem. Mom got very angry.

He suggested a punishment. He told my sisters to count 1 2 3 up-to 10, as he is going to pull my penis 10 times as a punishment. Hearing this, all started laughing,Then he suddenly grabbed my tiny penis and started pulling it. He was pulling and Yanking my tiny penis very hard, it was too much painful and embarrassing for me, i asked mom to stop him but she did not intervene until he yanked it 10 times.

When I returned home, my sisters told this to everyone, most of my family persons found this a effective and funny punishment for me and later my mom or aunt started calling that guy ( quack) to home to punish me like this, he was a rude surly guy and he would come to house get me nude and used to yank and pull on my penis badly in front my whole family and i had no choice and i was helpless in front him, he did this to me 6-7 times as a punishment in next 2 years. and because of my mom's, aunt's and other family member's support he became very Fearless and Brutal with me

so slowly slowly i became very much sacred of him and I lost all my confidence when it was happened I was very young, just 12-13 years old and I could not do anything against them.he still live in the same town but still i am scared of him What can I do now against them all?
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#1

Postby Roady » Sat Dec 17, 2016 11:54 am

sonpan wrote:When I was 13 years old, I got an infection near my genitals & thighs. I was rubbing my genitals for many days. My sisters complained to my mom. Mom thought that I have grown up and was masturbating.

My mom took me to a quack. He asked me to remove my clothes, . He checked me and found no disease. He told my mom that I was misbehaving as I did not have any problem. Mom got very angry.


Why didn't see the doctor or your mom the infection you had in that time?
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#2

Postby sonpan » Sat Dec 17, 2016 1:09 pm

Roady wrote:
sonpan wrote:When I was 13 years old, I got an infection near my genitals & thighs. I was rubbing my genitals for many days. My sisters complained to my mom. Mom thought that I have grown up and was masturbating. It was a rural town in orrisa in india and was very hot in summer and this had caused me a itch but it was not looking while seeing there. Mom had doubt that i was rubbing on my genital without any reason so when that quack did not find any mark or sign, mom became very angry and she gave her permission to punish me.when that quack began to yank on my penis, i kept saying mom that i really had a itch but she did not listen to me.it was so much painful and embarrasing that i became very scared and since then mom and aunt began to threating me for the same punishment again on my every mistake.and they even called him to home 6-7 times to punish me. She used to tell me just 15 minutes ago that she has called the quack. And until that quack used to reach home,she would not let me go/run out.some times if that quack had less time then mom or aunt used to ask me to remove all clothes and wait for him wearing just a underwear


My mom took me to a quack. He asked me to remove my clothes, . He checked me and found no disease. He told my mom that I was misbehaving as I did not have any problem. Mom got very angry.


Why didn't see the doctor or your mom the infection you had in that time?
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#3

Postby sonpan » Sat Dec 17, 2016 1:29 pm

i am new here and i was not sure how to reply with quote, however i have replied.
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#4

Postby Roady » Sat Dec 17, 2016 1:50 pm

Yes, I can see your reply.

Can you give another reply and tell me why the doctor or your mother didn't see the infection?
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#5

Postby sonpan » Sat Dec 17, 2016 5:03 pm

Sorry for my poor english, i am from orrisa a rural and less devloped-part of india. Why that quack and mom did not see infection ? I don't know but it was summer and too hot and i was feeling itch in my upper thigh and in my genitals but i did not have any mark or redness so that quack told mom that i was just rubbing my genitals without any reason,,, so in anger mom allowed him to punish me and he pulled and yanked on my penis 10 times badly. It caused me so much pain,that i began to sobbing and crying
When i reached home my sisters told aunt what all had happend. My aunt discussed with mom, later my mom said to me if i ever disobey them or misbehave then she would call the quack home to punish me. In next two years she called that quack 6-7 times to punish me, she used to tell me just 15 minutes before and she would not let me go out until he would arrive at home, sometimes if that quack had less time then she would force me to remove all clothes and wait for him wearing just underwear and that quack used to come to home, my mom, aunt or my sisters used to tell him about my mistakes or complains, after hearing my complains he used to pull down my underwear and used to pulling and yanking my penis brutally and same time he would twist my penis and ear and used to ask me to beg a appology from my mom,aunt and sisters.he would keep yanking my penis until i would begin crying or until mom used to ask him to stop. This all went on almost 3 years from my age 13 to 15 years.
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#6

Postby TheCloud » Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:33 pm

Are you very angry with your parents?
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#7

Postby sonpan » Fri Dec 30, 2016 1:09 pm

TheCloud wrote:Are you very angry with your parents?


YES, naturally i am very much angry with my parents, i don't have father but i am so much angry and annoyed with my mom, aunt, uncle even my sisters and other family members that they let that guy ( quack ) to punished me like a brute and so harshly. and they even don't think that it was a WRONG move !!!

:?:
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#8

Postby TheCloud » Sat Dec 31, 2016 6:35 am

Anger is a common response to how you were mistreated. It is also a self-destructive strategy, harmful to you both physically and psychologically. I doubt that your relatives or the quack doctor are suffering any of the agonies that you are suffering, nor do I imagine you are in the position to inflict those agonies onto them in any way that would not further harm your own situation. It appears to me that self-destruction is your only option if you continue on this route, and that is not something that I will recommend. I would prefer to see you become healthy and happy.

The first challenge for me is to help you see that there is an alternative to your self-destructive method of anger and mental retribution. It is possible that you have expected for your whole life to become unhappy, so you have no reason not to inflict your suffering on those who witnessed it. Things are different from that. Even people who have suffered great indignities in the past can become happy. You are not required to hurt anyone, nor are your burdens required to remain on your shoulders.

I would like to know what you think of this possibility, and what emotional response you have to the thought of being free of the idea that you have to hurt someone else to be happy.
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#9

Postby jamespace » Sat Dec 31, 2016 1:05 pm

I think what they did to you is bad and I get that.
I can see you're angry and I get that also.
And yet you have to know that anger can't solve this.
Anger destroys and love creates.
I would ask you to forgive them!
Yes. I know it sounds like the totally wrong thing but look at it this way..
Forgiveness is the most hideous revenge you could possibly do to them.

When you just choose to let it all go. Accept that all this humiliation and rejection are the thing of the past. Choose to accept it right now and let it go.

Mind you. You're not forgiving them for themselves. You're forgiving them for you. You're forgiving them so that you can move on and become better in life.

After you're through forgiving them(this'll take you awhile). I'd advise you get to know yourself.
I would want you to become something you can be proud of. Find something tangible to do and work your donkey off.
Don't keep the thought of revenge in mind. Just go ahead and live an epic life by becoming good at this thing you choose and when you're equipped enough to sustain on your own.
I would love you to leave all this people. Abandon them, dissappear from them so that they can't come close to you and make you feel rejected and humiliated.

Find other people good at whatever it is you choose to do and make new friends. Hang out more with friends who love you and dump all this family who just want to humiliate you.

I hope this helps.
Wish you the best
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#10

Postby cynthialeighton » Sat Dec 31, 2016 9:28 pm

Yes, forgiveness. But also: consider another possibility for your future. Perhaps even make plans quietly toc get away from these people. Do not tell them, as that is probably not wise and not safe. However, know that you can get away and that you can over time build a new situation for yourself. You deserve a better life. You may need to move to another village as soon as you are in a position to support yourself.
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#11

Postby sonpan » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:51 am

cynthialeighton wrote:Yes, forgiveness. But also: consider another possibility for your future. Perhaps even make plans quietly toc get away from these people. Do not tell them, as that is probably not wise and not safe. However, know that you can get away and that you can over time build a new situation for yourself. You deserve a better life. You may need to move to another village as soon as you are in a position to support yourself.


I want to move from that place but it will take some more time, but it will not give me much peace and i will be frustrated most of the time, i feel like.
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#12

Postby sonpan » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:54 am

TheCloud wrote:Anger is a common response to how you were mistreated. It is also a self-destructive strategy, harmful to you both physically and psychologically. I doubt that your relatives or the quack doctor are suffering any of the agonies that you are suffering, nor do I imagine you are in the position to inflict those agonies onto them in any way that would not further harm your own situation. It appears to me that self-destruction is your only option if you continue on this route, and that is not something that I will recommend. I would prefer to see you become healthy and happy.

The first challenge for me is to help you see that there is an alternative to your self-destructive method of anger and mental retribution. It is possible that you have expected for your whole life to become unhappy, so you have no reason not to inflict your suffering on those who witnessed it. Things are different from that. Even people who have suffered great indignities in the past can become happy. You are not required to hurt anyone, nor are your burdens required to remain on your shoulders.

I would like to know what you think of this possibility, and what emotional response you have to the thought of being free of the idea that you have to hurt someone else to be happy.



Thank you for your reply, To Some extend your are right, That quack or my family has No regret or agony for what i gone through, but this hurts me NOW, i mean Now i feel much frustrated Emotionally and psychology, what he did has had a long lasting effect on me while growing up
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#13

Postby sonpan » Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:55 am

jamespace wrote:I think what they did to you is bad and I get that.
I can see you're angry and I get that also.
And yet you have to know that anger can't solve this.
Anger destroys and love creates.
I would ask you to forgive them!
Yes. I know it sounds like the totally wrong thing but look at it this way..
Forgiveness is the most hideous revenge you could possibly do to them.

When you just choose to let it all go. Accept that all this humiliation and rejection are the thing of the past. Choose to accept it right now and let it go.

Mind you. You're not forgiving them for themselves. You're forgiving them for you. You're forgiving them so that you can move on and become better in life.

After you're through forgiving them(this'll take you awhile). I'd advise you get to know yourself.
I would want you to become something you can be proud of. Find something tangible to do and work your donkey off.
Don't keep the thought of revenge in mind. Just go ahead and live an epic life by becoming good at this thing you choose and when you're equipped enough to sustain on your own.
I would love you to leave all this people. Abandon them, dissappear from them so that they can't come close to you and make you feel rejected and humiliated.

Find other people good at whatever it is you choose to do and make new friends. Hang out more with friends who love you and dump all this family who just want to humiliate you.

I hope this helps.
Wish you the best



When i could not do anything .....so ian a way i have forgiven them, but this don't give me peace.
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#14

Postby TheCloud » Wed Jan 04, 2017 3:54 pm

sonpan wrote:Thank you for your reply, To Some extend your are right, That quack or my family has No regret or agony for what i gone through, but this hurts me NOW, i mean Now i feel much frustrated Emotionally and psychology, what he did has had a long lasting effect on me while growing up


Yes, I can see that this is a source of much agony for you. I want to make it clear that my goal is not to erase your anger. It is quite alright for you to be upset. What I want is to help you see an option that is better for you personally than being angry. People don't choose to be miserable if they can see an alternative; it is only when every other possibility looks hopeless or useless that people choose to anger as a means of warding off potential threats.

You see, you imagine that you cannot communicate with your family who has done this thing to you, so you hold onto your anger as armor and a weapon to harm them if they ever try something like that again. Since you can't see any way of helping them to understand, you decide that you will at least make them regret having abused you as they did. This is the greatest happiness that you can imagine for the future.

I would like to show you that a greater happiness is possible, a future where you do not need to be angry in order to protect yourself. Is this something you have thought about or are interested in?
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