Who am I anymore?

Postby Harrison57 » Sun Dec 18, 2016 6:52 am

Firstly, thank you for clicking my post, this is the first time I've ever wrote something like this.

I don't really know where to start, I feel so low and it's all my fault.

I went to my work Christmas party, and at first I was having a great night. It was unlimited drinks and I told myself I was leaving at 11pm.

After the meal we had, I just about remember leaving the place but I didn't go home, we all went out to some bars instead. I've had a coworker, he is much older than me and for a couple of month now he has made my friend really upset and always speaks down to her, to be honest I've heard him speak to loads of people like crap.

So after a couple of drinks I told him I don't like the way he's been making everyone feel and that he should think about peoples feelings more often (obviously probably not said as good as that, probably a lot more vicious too)

So after that, I only spoke to that guy one more time during the night but this was totally the wrong thing to do. I'm so worried about everyone talking about me on Monday that I've hardly slept and I have so much panic... anyway the night goes on...

So after this (which I shouldn't have done) I then spend more time with my other coworker, I remember we were laughing outside and we kept joking with each other and this is all I remember (I've suffered from a horrible black out of most the night) my coworker rang me the next day and said I tried to kiss him! This is NOT like me, I love my husband so so so so so so much and I'm not even attracted to this guy. I remember kissing him on the cheek when I was having some banta but nothing like he said. Which leads me to my next question, do I tell my husband? We're always very honest with each other and I think he will forgive me but I think he will then struggle to let me carrying on working where I am now, I'm not sure.

I know all the above Is my own fault, I should have left when I did. How do I handle the above? I'm really struggling to ask advice from my friends because I'm so shameful.

I'm thinking of ringing the first guy and apologising first thing on Monday, I just thought that would be the best way to get it out in the open, but when I told my husband about that part he has told me not too becuse I said something I should have said just maybe not in the right way.

Thank you all for reading.

Any advice would be appreciated and any real stories of a similar situation would be appreciated too.

Thank you
Harrison57
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#1

Postby laureat » Sun Dec 18, 2016 7:13 am

telling you partner what you do can only strengthen trust
its what i believe, idk
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#2

Postby Harrison57 » Sun Dec 18, 2016 8:21 am

I believe I should tell him, but the more I read online suggests that I'm being the selfish one to upset him over something which didn't mean anything. Has anyone else been in the same predicament?
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#3

Postby tokeless » Sun Dec 18, 2016 9:10 am

Hi there... try and put some perspective on this. What would you tell your husband? I tried kissing a co worker but can't remember doing it?? This would make me ask, what else may have happened that you don't remember?
You're stirring a hornets nest so put it down to drinking too much. Most people have done stuff like this and it's regretable yeah, but it's not a crime.
Go back to work and speak to both workers.. apologise for having it out with the first guy when you'd been drinking even though you still think you made a valid point, but say sorry.
The 2nd guy, laugh it off and say it must have been his dashing personality and make a joke of it.
Life goes on and you could be creating a problem from nothing much really.
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#4

Postby Harrison57 » Sun Dec 18, 2016 9:14 am

tokeless wrote:Hi there... try and put some perspective on this. What would you tell your husband? I tried kissing a co worker but can't remember doing it?? This would make me ask, what else may have happened that you don't remember?
You're stirring a hornets nest so put it down to drinking too much. Most people have done stuff like this and it's regretable yeah, but it's not a crime.
Go back to work and speak to both workers.. apologise for having it out with the first guy when you'd been drinking even though you still think you made a valid point, but say sorry.
The 2nd guy, laugh it off and say it must have been his dashing personality and make a joke of it.
Life goes on and you could be creating a problem from nothing much really.


Thank you so much for your advice, I think you're right and that I'm just worrying for the sake of worrying. You always hear in a relationship honesty is the best policy but after reading as much as I can I couldn't work out the best thing to do.

I'm worried about the co worker I had an argument with, he's so high up in the chain! But I do think the right thing is to call him and apologise as soon as I can.

Thanks again
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#5

Postby Roady » Sun Dec 18, 2016 2:17 pm

Hi

If I may give my thoughts:

First, you have to learn to set a limit with drinking too much alcohol.
This was the first mistake you made.
The next following to this, is, you didn't feel your natural boundaries any more, with the result you talk too much to your co-worker.
Saying things, brings some responsibilities with it. If you can't bear that responsibility, that give you the anxious you experience.

It's wise to go to that co-worker and make your excuses to him. Say that you drunk too much and that you was unwise or unpolite or whatever. That will make you clean again.
Don't worry to humble yourself. You will be glad once you've done it.
That's muuuuuuuch better than endure the sorrows you have now.

And don't worry, the result will always be different than your fear is trying to tell you.
I've done this many times before (humbling myself). I never felt sorry after I took such a step.
Actually when I did, people are respecting me for it.
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#6

Postby Harrison57 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:54 am

Roady wrote:Hi

If I may give my thoughts:

First, you have to learn to set a limit with drinking too much alcohol.
This was the first mistake you made.
The next following to this, is, you didn't feel your natural boundaries any more, with the result you talk too much to your co-worker.
Saying things, brings some responsibilities with it. If you can't bear that responsibility, that give you the anxious you experience.

It's wise to go to that co-worker and make your excuses to him. Say that you drunk too much and that you was unwise or unpolite or whatever. That will make you clean again.
Don't worry to humble yourself. You will be glad once you've done it.
That's muuuuuuuch better than endure the sorrows you have now.

And don't worry, the result will always be different than your fear is trying to tell you.
I've done this many times before (humbling myself). I never felt sorry after I took such a step.
Actually when I did, people are respecting me for it.


Thank you so much for your reply. It's now Monday morning and I'm feeling so much anxiety about going in. I'm going to call my coworker at 9:30am and apologise right away, but I'm just worried about the things I don't remember due to blackouts. I've never felt like this about going to work, I can't wait until it passes and something else takes its place instead.

I've had a Christmas packed weekend with my husband and again I've felt so much guilt. Guilt for what I've done there too, on several occasions I've been so close to telling him but didn't want I spoil all the surprises he put together.

I'm hoping after today I'll feel a lot better.
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#7

Postby Harrison57 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:10 am

Just to give an update, I've spoken to my colleague and said sorry, so the repair process has begun. You're right in saying he said he really appreciated the fact I've called him.

Haven't spoken to my other colleague yet, but after speaking to everyone who was at the party we were all as wasted as each other which makes me feel a little better.
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#8

Postby Roady » Mon Dec 19, 2016 10:15 am

Well done!
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#9

Postby Harrison57 » Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:01 pm

I appreciate everyone's help on this and next Christmas party I'll make sure to have a bit more self control!
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#10

Postby TheCloud » Wed Dec 21, 2016 5:05 pm

Long term, I suggest taking steps to modify how you communicate with your partner. After all, you partner with someone so you have a person you can share all your worst secrets with. It's best if you can find a way to say everything that is important to say, which can include things that you feel shameful about doing while inebriated.

I suggest looking into Nonviolent Communication, if you're uncertain where to start. There are many free resources online, including on Youtube. There are also a number of books available. Instead of relying on your partner to understand everything you say, this is a way to help your partner understand what you are saying when it is difficult.

https://www.cnvc.org/
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