Hello. Where to start.
I extracted myself from an unhappy marriage. I had a great job, I've got two amazing children. We all got through it.
I met the most amazing man. I never thought I'd feel I had a 'soul mate' but I did.
He turned his world upside down to be with me.
We have a lovely happy life, a lovely home, great children.
We both suffer from anxiety and depression.
2015 my mum got ill and died. I was bullied at work, I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital.
I lost my job.
My next 2 jobs were mistakes, during this my man got very down, went off sex, could not orgasm if he did try.
Then he proposed and we had a lovely, very 'us' wedding. Happiest day of my life.
Two days later on my honeymoon I got a text saying he had been swinging with this woman we vaguely knew. I told them they'd made a mistake and thought nothing more of it. He was really affected by it.
3 weeks later someone sent me an email between them confirming it. I confronted him and he said he'd slept with her 3 times. He didn't know why.
I got into a fake email account he'd created and found they had been swinging with another couple. A week before we married, the day of my mum's funeral (long story).
I also found mail from the previous year from another woman! Was an old school friend, he slept with her once. Was going on whilst my mum was dying and when I was in hospital.
I then found from phone bills he had them both on the go, and sent them same photos daily from holiday we went on as a pick me up.
I went through all of this with him. He is adamant there was no emotion, he had no feelings. He can't say why he did it other than he could and he really didn't think he'd get caught.
He couldn't orgasm with them and his inability to coincided with the first indiscretion - clearly guilt based.
During all this time he couldn't hold a job down.He was clearly reckless and not in the real world. But he says he never stopped loving me, that I was the perfect one, and that he saw it as two different strands to his life.
The moment I found out there has been nothing else. He is loving, he has been able to orgasm.
I confronted both women and the swinging couple. One confirmed what he said. One was nasty, the complete antithesis to me. Dirty, cheap, illiterate, evil, she was even ugly. Her boyfriend threatened to come and beat me up in front of my kids. She called the police and made up stories about me. I fail to see how he could want to spend any time with her. How he could bring that low life into our lives. I found between 500-1000 texts to her per month for 16 months. How can there be no emotion?
He said that she fulfilled his fantasy of seeing two lesbians together. She called him master. We used to indulge in light bdsm, and clearly they were.
But I am more highly sexed than he. I am the adventurous one. He underestimated me. I don't know what he got from them that he couldn't get from me?
I asked why he proposed and married if he wanted this type of life. He said he wants me. He doesn't want that.
He is the most unlikely person to do this. His parents and sister cannot believe it.
I was not untangling my life that has already been through so much, I love him, we have stayed together.
He went through hoops to be with me. Why would he risk that? Why would he fraternise with such a nasty piece of work?
So now I wonder about me. I am a strong woman but people seem to treat me like dirt. Employers, my partner.
I have no job, no self esteem. I don't look at him the same way any more and no longer feel special.
How has my life come to this?
If it weren't for my kids I would seriously consider ending it, but there is NO WAY I would EVER do that to my children. Without them though my life would be pointless.
It feels such a waste. How have I managed to reach this point?