Alright, there are a ton of things I want to write because the devil is in the details, but I'll try to sum it up. It's gonna be long but please, I need some support so much!
We met about a month ago at my regular hangout. She approached me, we had a brief talk and later, I found her on Facebook and talked to her. She gave me her number, and before I could call her, she talked to me again. The whole thing was fun to begin with, but it became even better when she started calling me about after a week of talking. Those phone sessions quickly reached up to an hour and she started being extremely sweet after I told her I like her. 9 out of 10 she was the one who would call, text, and say nice things, but there's a catch: up to the second week, she had already cancelled twice. Things went great though. She would even call me before her morning work when I was awake and spend that time with me. When we arranged for the third time and she supposedly thought it was cancelled because I didn't call her that day, I got a bit pissed off and she went out of her way to see me that day for a little bit - I also arranged something with my friends. We kissed that day. Things only got better after that -now talking before bed was guaranteed- and she always said how much she liked me and how sweet I was with her. Until I learned something. When she called me one day, she was crying uncontrollably. I tried to calm her down and she dropped the bomb: during the second week, she had sex with another guy. She told me that even though she had the right to do it since we aren't in a relationship, she was deeply sorry about it, broke it off during the act and wanted to be honest with me because she wanted something more from this.
I tried my best and I forgave her, on the condition that this wouldn't happen again. We returned to normalcy, and finally arranged for a date which happened. Man, I wish it didn't. That morning we were talking before her work as usual, when I found out that my BJJ class would be cancelled that day. I told her that and she burst in happy smileys and hearts because she would have more time to see me and that I had made her day. Fast forward to the date, and she is cold and distant. I attribute that to nerves and we go to grab some coffee. She is sitting there, just looking at me, and looking around, and checking her phone and even yawning. I know I wasn't very interesting, but I started sensing something bad. I ask her if everything's alright, she says she's just tired. After about two hours, she proposes we take a short walk and...go home. I lost it. I told her to skip the walk and go straight home. She insisted on that walk, and started caressing my hand and trying to kiss me but man, I was pissed. I told her that she is so much different and that I thought she didn't want to stay with me. We fought a bit, made up and went home. After that, she did talk to me but was cold, although still tried to be sweet. Two days later, she apologizes for that distance and says that she is thinking about what happened. I tell her that if she doesn't feel like it, we shouldn't press the whole thing and she says we will talk tomorrow. More than a week has passed, I tried to say hi and she never replied.
I know what you're gonna say. 'It's just one month', 'Plenty of fish in the sea'. I'm not inexperienced in relationships, I've had my fair share. But the fact remains that every single night since that event, when I'm alone in my bed, I burst in tears, and I'm a tough dude. I know it's irrational, but I can't help it. It was all so abrupt. She wasn't perfect, but I blame myself for turning from cool to needy and ruining something sweet, not being able to believe her. I miss her badly.
Thank you for your time.