Long distance relationship... I need help

Postby gbztt » Sun Dec 25, 2016 11:41 am

Hello everyone,

I've never been a perfect happy and mentally healthy person, but I've been experiencing some major breakdowns because of feelings related to my long distance relationship.

I'm sorry for the long text.

I'm a girl and I date another girl. We met in London when she was studying abroad for a few months. We dated here for 3 months and she had to go back home, but we decided to continue long distance. We've been together for 1 year and 2 months now since we got apart, but had 2/3 weeks long visits during this time. In total, we saw eah other 4 times, which is not bad.

So, the other day she sent me a message asking for my letter of motivation that I used to get into University here, to use as an example. I didn't know why.
Later on she explained that she deciced to look into applying for a masters in London and when called her british friend that also lives here to help her decide on courses and with all the documents, but as he lost his letter she wanted mine.

This made me extremely upset. Why didn't she tell me about this idea/plan before telling him? We live miles away and she decides to move to the same city as me but her go-to person to tell the news is someone else. And when she tells me it's not even in an exciting way mentioning our distace closure.

I gave her my letter, she didn't tell me anything else about her ideas. I tried to ask but shr said she was still "looking into it". Then yesterday I asked her how it was all going, if she made any progress or whatever. She only sent me a link of a google docs in which she wrote her letter with mine as an example and her friend had added comments and proposed changes. More than a werk ago.

Why couldn't she tell me?
I feel like I am being excluded of her present and future. I feel like her idea of moving to London and being close to her friend has nothing to do with me. Which I understand, she wouldn't make such a move just to be closer to a one year long partner, she loves London, her friend and her life here. But I thought I could be notified. I though I could be part of this plan.

The moment I see someone that I consider dearly being happier, laughing more and having a healthy relationship with other people that are not me, I sink. I'm not as good, not as funny, not as important.

Thank you for reading. Just writing it down made me feel lighter. It doesn't change my feeling of loneliness and inferiority, though.

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Postby Roady » Sun Dec 25, 2016 2:57 pm

Did you talk with her about this issue?
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Postby calvinTO » Sun Dec 25, 2016 10:14 pm

Agree with Roady: have you spoken with her?

Until you do speak with her, I'll offer this: She obviously has (as it would be for anyone) her own life, little of which you may know about. It may seem odd *to you* that she didn't ask you but perhaps to her it isn't, that is, she has other people she could ask, and apparently has. So, try not to take this personally as it may not be a reflection upon you at all.

That aside, until you speak with her, you can't know anything; all you can do is entertain your fears. But her lack of enthusiasm may be telling; indeed, a long-distance relationship can often result in a change of feelings that aren't immediately communicated since one can hide behind distance. My .02 is to take a breather and let things play out. The real test of this (or any LDR) is to see what happens once distance is no longer a factor. Three or four visits over the course of a year tells you nothing about this woman in regards to day-to-day life.

I understand. It's difficult. Your heart yearns. But clarity, though it may bring pain or things you don't want to hear, is the way to go. First things first. Speak to her and when you do so keep your emotions in check. Keep us posted.

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