Narcissistic mother in law

Postby INFJ girl » Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:14 pm

Hallo. me and my bf we re toghether from 6 years. in the first months we were togheter he was diagnosed with testiculary cancer. he got a surgery everything was gone untill last year when it camed back in small tumour growths in his belly. he got chemo and again everything was gone .it was a terrible time for me seeing him struggle. i did whatever i could for him and also continued to work full time. i tought i was doing everything that i had in power to help him.but his mother had anothrer opinion .i ve got accused for being lazy not helping him not loving him enough cause i didt took time off.. it happend right on hollidays.im responsable at my work so its practicly impossible to stay home. but i tought it was ok since she offered to help from the beginning with him. then she started talking behind my back to him that i was cheating that im bad that i m selfish and dont love him enough . this was causing daily fights between us.the fights were allready there from.years. since she has a narcissistic personality she tried to control our lives and tryed to make him guilty that we re not visiting every week and blaming it on me. we both have full time stressfull jobs . i would go there more oftnen but when i go there nobody ever talks to me. they just chat there togheter and nobody asks me how i am. she didnt ever asked what did i study or how many brothers and sisters i have ..in 6 years!!!i feel very unconfortably. god knows i did my best and i kissed her donkey to make her like me. i tought it was my fault..but not anymore. this year we ve got into a huge fight.where she acussed me again of not loving him not being there for him etc.she was being agressive and shouting and i choosed to be a mature person. even if im only 25y .so i remained calm and tryed to explaim that this its harming her son that just finished chemo and doesnt need this. but she wouldnt let it go. he tryed to keep my side but she was telling him that he doesnt love her anymore and he s choosing me bla bla. 2 hous later the conversatiom was still at the point where she was acusing me of things. so i said u know what.u wanna be right? so it is u re right i dont care we know better whats between us. so she never actualy admited she is wrong.i said we have 2 choices here. or we get along for my bf s sake or we become strangers. she said she doesnt wanna make peace but her husband made her accept.things are nt going well now.i rarely go there and when i do i sit alone nobody talks to me just like before..it still causes tension between me and my bf. i dont want to beg for anyone s attention and i cant force anyone to help me.my bf doesnt understand me and he says that i never want to go to his parents.he just doesnt get it.i did so much for him and never got an apreciatiom for.i feel a lot like i should just give up since i m allways gonna be number 2.the problem is considering the health issues that he had it makes it even more difficult for me to let go..from guilt..i feel that he s never gonna see how his mother is.cause with him she acts real sweet..i dont know what to do anymore ..since one year i cant be happy anymorr and i feel very depressed. .i mentiin that im a higly sensitive person so i feel everything very deep.i hope i can find an answer here.thank u
INFJ girl
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#1

Postby quietvoice » Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:38 pm

INFJ girl wrote:1)
my bf doesnt understand me and he says that i never want to go to his parents.he just doesnt get it.

i did so much for him and never got an apreciatiom for.

i feel a lot like i should just give up since i m allways gonna be number 2.

2)
the problem is considering the health issues that he had it makes it even more difficult for me to let go..from guilt..

2) You are not responsible for his health issues. Therefore, you are free to not feel guilty about his health issues.

1) Why are you with someone who "doesn't understand" you, who doesn't appreciate you, and with whom you'll always be playing second fiddle?
~~~~~~

Narcissistic mother in law
Where is the Mother-In-Law? You didn't mention that you married your boyfriend.
Last edited by quietvoice on Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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#2

Postby INFJ girl » Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:47 pm

I guess i just got used to it.Always hopeing that it will get beter.I tought we would be engaged by now.we re from a long time togheter.i realize that that might never happen due to his family..its difficult to let go since i love him and he comes first in my life.i know he loves me too but he forgets to apreciate me and to stand up for me..it would just ruin me knowing that i left him and i broke his heart..:(
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#3

Postby quietvoice » Mon Dec 26, 2016 3:52 pm

INFJ girl wrote:I guess i just got used to it.Always hopeing that it will get beter.I tought we would be engaged by now.we re from a long time togheter.i realize that that might never happen due to his family..its difficult to let go since i love him and he comes first in my life.i know he loves me too but he forgets to apreciate me and to stand up for me..it would just ruin me knowing that i left him and i broke his heart..:(

What if you left and it didn't break his heart . . .
What if he's not "forgetting" to appreciate you and stand up for you, but that that is his thinking process, and that he really doesn't care enough about you to do what you think you want from him?
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