Everything looks impossible

Postby laureat » Tue Dec 27, 2016 5:27 pm

No job,
Living with my daughter
At my parents house
Got on deep depression
Started fear and panic, couldnt sleep 4 hours a day
Having delusive believes and ideas
Took alprazolam 0.25mg, risperidon 1mg, escitalopram 1mg
It is helping me to keep it calm..
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Tue Dec 27, 2016 8:56 pm

Start by setting small goals.
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#2

Postby laureat » Tue Dec 27, 2016 9:07 pm

Thnx richards
I have a belief that someone has done something bad to me
If i dont coment here on the forum after months, its because i am dead, because i always comment here
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#3

Postby laureat » Wed Dec 28, 2016 6:25 am

I think a problem i have is i cannot accept the reality and i am leading myself on delusive ideas,

I will set goals and look what can i do about moving forwards
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#4

Postby cynthialeighton » Sat Dec 31, 2016 9:31 pm

Set an even smaller goal. Perhaps set a goal to get outside and walk for 5 minutes. Then do it. Seeing that you really set a goal and achieved it helps you set another small goal, achieve that, and build from there.
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#5

Postby laureat » Sun Jan 01, 2017 6:13 am

yeah, that is the farest i could go these days
5 minutes walk to go buy food and toys for my girl
20 minutes caffe with my father my friends

yeah, it has been a really deep depression
i have never seen visual illusions before, but this time i have seen my girl with her mouth all infected, i was so terrified,
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#6

Postby laureat » Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:15 pm

I have gained some confidence
Today i was out about two hours and i did fine

But still, i have delusive ideas
I cannot quit on the idea that someone wants to kill me,
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#7

Postby moondaddy1 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 1:14 pm

"But still, i have delusive ideas
I cannot quit on the idea that someone wants to kill me,"

Knowing that it's delusional is a good place to start with regard to that. Also look at your beautiful daughter who you helped to create. If you can do that you can do anything - IF you really want to and if you set your mind to it.
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#8

Postby beconfidentas » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:00 am

I try hard to keep a straight mindset even though everything else around me seems to be falling apart
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#9

Postby AlexD » Wed Jan 04, 2017 6:43 am

Laureat, what is it that you want for yourself and your daughter? There are always small and big things we want. But we have to make them happen, and that is really exciting. Do you know what makes you happy? Most people have no clue, really, which is why they have no goals. It really doesn't have to be complicated. Most of our limitations are self-imposed. About 95%. What limitations have you imposed on yourself? Why? The medications will not solve your problem. You can though. You must ask yourself questions and give yourself honest answers. You cannot hide from yourself forever. What are the small things you want to have? Get working on those little goals first, and then move on to the larger goals. But it is not going to happen overnight, it really won't. It is all a process that many people simply overlook when they look at success stories. Please understand that the journey is what really matters, not so much the destination, because it is the journey that makes you who you want to become, and that is the diamond, not the destination itself. Who you become while accomplishing a goal is the essence of any experience.
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#10

Postby laureat » Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:14 pm

@alex d

i have only one goal
to find a job and cannot do it because of corrupted / bad economy state that i live ( Kosovo )
so i have no goal,
my wife was keeping me happy and she run away from me and my daughter ( dont know where probably she has found new partner ) and the law procedures here suckkk balls

i am only lucky to have a supportive family, my father is a medicine professor he has good salary and my sisters are medicine doctors they all work and make good money

but this i cannot handle,
i was already depressed because had no job
than wife run away, made it worse
wtf didnt she take the daughter with her
i cannot care for her i am fckked mentally and all the house work and the baby now is on my mothers pressure she is old for that

fkkkkkk

but even if she would try to take her from me its the only source i have that brings me positive feelings , i would go mad if she is gone


@moondady1

i know its delusive because i had these experiences as a student so i am little prepared for this
but still when i get on that delusive state of mind , its so real, i cant believe is not, it becomes reality

i had thoughts like
- someone infected me with some virus
- i had thoughts that i have been drugged and raped
- i had thoughts that somone wants to kill me,
- i had visual illusion that my daughter was all infected and she is going to die

i think everything started when i was overthinking about what my wife did, what could she possible do even worse,


but good, sometimes i am keeping it calm, relaxed
i am focusing on my daughter, sometimes im going out with my friends, when my sisters are home and supporting my mother
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#11

Postby laureat » Sat Jan 07, 2017 12:12 pm

Yeah, it has been lots of panic, delusions, depression,
I loved my wife so much, did not wanted this to happen
And i also feared the future, had no confidence

I am searching for good experiences
and i have found some of that
I have decided to move forwards even though sometimes i look back i am still moving forwards

Thnx guys a lot for the comments ,
And i have a supportive family,
And i trust myself that i can move forwards i can live a happy life
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#12

Postby laureat » Sat Jan 07, 2017 8:52 pm

Today i had some extreme bad thoughts
I was full of hate
I even wrote a quote on my facebook profile, " click clack one in your back now think about it..." which is a quote of hiphop artist method man but i used it with the idea of threatening my wife

But now i am relaxed i regret why i even had such terrible thoughts as killing my wife, i would never do it because first of all i am scared, second my daughter needs both of us , no matter what she did even if she is using drugs, prostitute whatsoever its her own choice
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#13

Postby laureat » Mon Jan 09, 2017 10:48 pm

Today i was really good
It has been most successful day so far
I have talked with my lawyer, i have talked with some older men
I have been given some advice and ways to approach my separation problem with my x, to try and look again if there is possibility to make it work if she didnt something unacceptable, advice about law procedures and such things

The activity has kept me focused and a better state of mind
And gave me confidence i have support whatsoever needed
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#14

Postby TheCloud » Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:04 am

I am glad to see when you are doing well.
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