January 7th, 2017
I failed yesterday. I feel like a complete fool, because I set the intention to quit for good and I didn't follow through early in my 1000th attempt. My apologies to those have been reading and commenting on my posts. I really do want to quit in the long run, but I get side-tracked and forget my reasons to quit. One problem I have is that there is so much pleasure attached to the idea of getting high that it tends to overrule the pain associated with it.
So, I got home from work last night at around 4:30 pm. My family decided we would get Japanese take-out for dinner. I went to pick up the food but, somehow decided to leave myself enough time to pick up some weed before I picked up the food. I started planning for this pickup (of weed) because I knew that I would have some alone time that evening to get high. This is the problem as I said in yesterday's post: having a long stretch of alone time. It seems that when I have the intention to smoke, I can't override the decision. I make excuses, etc.
So I got high around 6:30 after my family had gone out... and around 8:00 pm, a non-smoking friend called asking if we could meet up for a coffee... So, if I had just waited a little bit longer, I wouldn't have been alone for the whole night.
But, in reality, it is essential to learn to be comfortable alone with one's self. I know this. Usually I am. But I think it also shows the importance of building a network of friends and contacts, something I've neglected a lot in the past.
I really feel bad about smoking because I posted on here from January 1st about my quit and I feel that voicing my feelings on here has really been helpful... Especially the comments I've received so far. Please don't think I'm not grateful for the support. It just I'm a very weak-willed person and need to build up my willpower more.
awmm301116: I downloaded Headspace on your suggestion... did my first session.. Thanks for the recommendation, it looks like it will help a lot.
S.W.L.: how goes your anxiety and recovery?
My apologies to the group..I hope you can understand. Back to square one.
I might post again later today.
Thanks for the support