Masturbation Guilt

Postby spiderboy » Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:31 pm

Hello,

I am a 22 year old virgin man. When I was about 7 or 8 I went to confession at church and the priest told me that masturbation was an extremely serious sin and that God killed Onan for doing it, so I should stop immediately if I want God to forgive me. Ever since that day I have felt a very strong guilt after every time I masturbated.

I researched a lot and I found out that Onan's sin wasn't masturbation, but the fact that he didn't want to have children, which is a totally different thing. I know all this now, but even if I know that he wanted to scare me so as I don't do it anymore, what the priest told me at that moment had been engraved so deeply into my mind that I simply can't get rid of it. I think it's in my subconscious and the guilt comes like a reflex.

I'm afraid that it will be the same with sex too. What is there I can do to change all this? (or maybe you also believe it is a sin?)
I really need help.

Thank you and have a Happy New Year :)
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#1

Postby federico91 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 5:42 pm

Guilt have always been part of sex, first of all, out of religion, sex gives guilt because with time and energy that is invested in thinking about sex, a person can devote that time and energy to other activities , Develop, study, what is known in psychoanalysis as "the sublimation of libido"
It's better to forget about sex and think about love. Sex is temporary, love has more dignity, more eternity, just look at Jesus, who love all humanity and today billions of people love it
I do not know what to tell you, It is very understandable that at your age you want to experiment with women and have relationships. But it is necessary that these relationships have as pillars,the love, respect, dialogue
You have to be a friend of your girlfriend, you have to be a companion who cares for her, protects her, and listens to her
Otherwise if you see a girl and only want to satisfy your sexual desires, it is inevitable that sooner or later you feel guilty for that, because in addition the woman would feel used, insulted.
For that reason, it is necessary to be honest, to be a good boy, and if you go out with a girl, take care of her, be faithful to her and follow these guidelines you can enjoy intimacy without feeling guilty
One more tip, use contraceptive methods if you still have no plans to be a parent, because much more guilt can be felt when having a child, not wanting it but for an oversight having relationships.
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#2

Postby spiderboy » Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:39 pm

federico91 wrote:You have to be a friend of your girlfriend, you have to be a companion who cares for her, protects her, and listens to her
Otherwise if you see a girl and only want to satisfy your sexual desires, it is inevitable that sooner or later you feel guilty for that, because in addition the woman would feel used, insulted.
For that reason, it is necessary to be honest, to be a good boy, and if you go out with a girl, take care of her, be faithful to her and follow these guidelines you can enjoy intimacy without feeling guilty


Thank you for your answer, Federico. I totally agree with you and that is what I am looking for: a healthy relationship where my girlfriend will also be my best friend. I will respect her and love her with all my heart.

But I find it extremely super hard to find that girl (but I think that is how it's supposed to be). That is why I have had only 2 girlfriends so far and didn't want to sleep with any of them. The second one wanted to do it, but I refused to. Not because I wasn't attracted to her physically, but because I didn't love her. (The reason why I am still a virgin)

I want to make love, and not have sex (I know they are totally different). I have masturbated, sometimes more, sometimes less (I had a 90 day break this summer) and 95% of the times I felt the guilt. I believe it has been my only way of getting pleasure without sleeping with somebody I didn't love. Was it the right decision? I really don't know. Maybe you can help me with your opinion.

So you are saying that the solution is that I should completely stop masturbating?

Thank you very much.
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#3

Postby federico91 » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:28 pm

I do not know what the solution is, but if you stop masturbation you may begin to feel more frustration, tension and aggression, You need to look for activities that relax your mind, Maybe do sports, maybe study, or do something that gives you pleasure, that involves effort and relaxation, If you stop masturbating, you will feel more energy, more desire, and it may be useful to do things to improve different aspects of your being

Scientists say that love emerges more easily when you have relationships with women, So it is not necessary to expect to love a woman to have relationships, Maybe if you meet a girl, even if you do not love her, and you have relationships, having relationships can strengthen the relationship and you can start to feel more things for them, darling, more tenderness, more love

But I really do not know, I like to read to Osho, he has very good ideas about love, my advice is to read books that talk about love, sex,and relationships
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#4

Postby spiderboy » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:41 pm

federico91 wrote:Scientists say that love emerges more easily when you have relationships with women, So it is not necessary to expect to love a woman to have relationships, Maybe if you meet a girl, even if you do not love her, and you have relationships, having relationships can strengthen the relationship and you can start to feel more things for them, darling, more tenderness, more love

But I really do not know, I like to read to Osho, he has very good ideas about love, my advice is to read books that talk about love, sex,and relationships


So what do you mean? I should have slept with my ex girlfriend?

I agree that when I don't masturbate I have more enegry and desire. I started working out and I study many things, but I still have strong urges often. So should I just wait for them to pass?
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#5

Postby federico91 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 12:07 am

With that desire you can start looking for some girl, First to be friends and then maybe to have relationships, no matter that you are not in love, It is enough that you respect it, appreciate it for what it is like to be human, without idealizing it.
Also if you fall in love with a woman, and you have relationships, and you think that you make love with her and you have no sex, you can suffer many jealousy, insecurity if she goes with another man.
It would have been a good debut to have your first relationship with your ex, But do not worry, you'll probably find other women, Just remember that it is necessary to respect, care for her, But it is not an indispensable requirement that you are in love with her.
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#6

Postby TheCloud » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:22 am

Guilt and gratitude are opposites. If you feel guilt about your body and its processes, including reproduction, then you will subconsciously end up hating your body, and you will feel unhealthy. Masturbation isn't just about loving women, it's also about caring for yourself and your body's processes. Sex isn't just about romance, although it can be; it is also about expressing your vitality and your exuberance for life.

Religious restrictions on sex are mostly about possession and inheritance. In Biblical times, women were basically property, so sex outside of wedlock was either theft or destruction of property. Not having children was throwing away your family's wealth. Old men made up these rules so that their children and women would behave as men wanted them to. These rules have little to do with individual health or wellbeing, or even morality. They're entirely pragmatic.

And guilt is the antithesis of life. Guilt is saying, "I am sorry that I exist." Gratitude is saying, "I am glad that I exist." So when you masturbate, don't hate yourself for having a body. Be grateful for the pleasure, and all pleasures, that you are able to experience. When you are glad for having your body and your life, you will not use women in a vulgar fashion. You will not have to worry about old men's rules anymore, because you will only do things that express the beauty of life and the gratitude you feel toward the other person.

So if you are late, don't say, "Sorry I'm late." Never apologize, to anyone, for anything. Instead, say, "Thank you for waiting." Always show gratitude. Always give thanks. With that, if there is a God, I think He will be satisfied.
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