34 and still cry on the inside

Postby Whyme2282 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:18 am

I am almost 35 years old. My birthday is next month and the only one who will remember is myself and my boyfriend. But I have gotten used to it. It has been 5 years with my boyfriend and no one in his family has ever remembered my birthday or my sons,yet I am expected to remember theirs and send cards.
This holiday season has been tough as usual. I get no christmas cards except from stores that I am loyal to. No merry texts. In fact I have been on bed rest since a few days before Christmas and no one even noticed. (Eye surgery).
In case you haven't noticed I have no friends. I haven't in years probably close 16 years or so. I had a roommate in college who never wanted to talk to me,in fact when we moved out of the dorms she moved during the time I was at work and I never heard from her again. I say hi to people at work hoping to strike up some kind of conversation but they give a friendly hi back and quickly go back to finding something to do. The moment I walk away they chat with others. I held a 30th birthday a few years back. Even offered food and drinks at the club for anyone at my party table. No one showed. I try to volunteer with different groups and organizations,but they always push me aside or suddenly have to many people and I can help with the next activity ( ten activities of hearing the same thing later and I got the point). My boyfriends friends don't like me either. We went to a wedding and the bride wouldn't even say hi to me. She actually didn't want me to be there. His other firmed invite him out but don't extend the invite. So I let him go and stay home to avoid conflict. I try to go out of my way to help people,but they only get in contact with me if they need something. I have one friend who calls me once maybe twice a year. When she wants me to bake her a cake or cupcakes. Then she says she will call me and get together. Never does until she needs another cake.
And my boyfriend,well he doesn't notice that I don't have friends of my own. I keep busy with work and crafts to keep my mind somewhat off of it. He was married before and now feels it is just a piece of paper. So getting married before was okay but getting married to me is apparently not worth it.
At least I have a dog who loves me unconditionally. He sits with me when I cry by myself. Then I wipe my tears and put a smile on my face and go on with my day.

It really hurts when I try to go to activities by myself. I went to a paint studio where you can drink wine and paint. I walked in and the guy immediately noted that I was alone and when will my friends be joining me. I said it was just me and he gave me this awkward look and sat me by some old ladies. Completely depressing. But I went because I wanted to paint but had no girlfriends to join me. I have also had to go to the movies alone to see "chick flicks". And I am relieved that I am not getting married because I would have no one to dress shop with,no bridal party, no bacchelorette party and no one to invite for me.
And of course Facebook adds icing to the cake. Seeing groups of people from work hanging out in a social setting and I wasn't invited. I have come to figure out that I am the "Karen" of the group. The one people will say is a friend but they never want around and talk about when they aren't there.
I don't know why people don't like me. I'm nice,caring and will go out of my way for people if they need it. But I just get used or forgotten. So I smile and cry on the inside.
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Postby S.W.L » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:31 am

Hi there. Don't give in I feel the same way as you and have done for manny manny years even attempted suicide on a few occasions but thank fully my fiancé saved me. Every single day feel's like a massive struggle and on top of I used cannabis alcohol and other substances to try and self medicate. Now I feel stuck in a hole and can't find a way out. I found forum a couple of days ago and think it is very helpful because your talking to people in the same boat. Tough times never last but tough people do.
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Postby S.W.L » Thu Jan 05, 2017 10:45 am

WHYME. How are you doing?
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Postby TheCloud » Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:14 am

I am listening to what you have said. I don't know why people don't seem to like you. I hope you will keep talking here, at least.
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