Fallout with friend

Postby happy14 » Wed Jan 04, 2017 1:01 pm

Hi,

I have this friend who I have known for a very long time, since 20 years or so, we have been through thick and thin and I thought we were inseparable.

However things have changed over the last few years, he has become moodyssey and grumpy and looks to start an argument at the smallest excuse. Worst thing is according to him, it's never his fault always mine. Now he is a very assertive person, if he wants something or is thinking anything he comes out and says it. In the past I have bitten my tongue cos I think keeping the peace is a good thing but feel he takes advantage of my good nature. In the past he has made me apologise even though I didn't think I was at fault but I ended up apologising just to try and keep the friendship together but I feel that this is getting ridiculous. This is coming at the cost of my happiness, worst thing is we have a few friends in common and he happens to know some of my external family too so I feel stuck.

I don't know why he acts like this but I feel he is very controlling and his attitude has got worse, I have noticed that when he wants to do this, he does it via text messaging. I have said to him if we have issue then let's talk face to face but he prefers to deal with it via text, what a coward I feel.

The last straw came when he started to beep the horn outside my house at 11:00 at night when I had work through following morning system 8:00. He wanted to get something to eat but I specifically told him via text that I can't and yet he ignores that and still he comes up for me???? He went in a huff cos of that.

The issue is also my dad doesn't like him and said to me don't go out with him, but I have still maintained a friendship with him even though my dad doesn't like him. He text me back saying that I need to sort out my sh** with my dad and convince him that we both should be friends, but my dad is very aggressive when he says no, he means no.

I text my friend and said that I told him not to come up for me at that time and he completely deflected the question, he pinned the blame on me and said "if I care then I will sort the situation out". I feel this is unfair as he is questioning my commitment to the friendship. His other friends he has made it recent times are all "yes" people and easily agreeable.

Please do advise, sorry for really long post, there are other details that I have omitted.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jan 04, 2017 3:49 pm

Look, do what you want.

You told him no, end of story. You don't need to second guess or figure out this or that about him and the friendship. No means no. If he can't understand that then tell him to f&ck off!

It isn't about your dad being right or him being right. It is about you being who you want to be and doing what you want to do when you want to do it, regardless of your dad or his opinion.
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#2

Postby happy14 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:29 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Look, do what you want.

You told him no, end of story. You don't need to second guess or figure out this or that about him and the friendship. No means no. If he can't understand that then tell him to f&ck off!

It isn't about your dad being right or him being right. It is about you being who you want to be and doing what you want to do when you want to do it, regardless of your dad or his opinion.


That's correct, it wasn't just about my dad and what he felt, it's how I felt at the time, but he couldn't respect that. It's all about him.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:34 pm

happy14 wrote: It's all about him.


And? Don't focus on him, focus on what you want. Let him be him and you be you. If you don't want to hang out with him, because it all about him, don't. Just say no.
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