I need help. I'm ready to end it all

#15

Postby Rg1239 » Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:01 pm

Hey s.w.l thanks for your positive words again mate still haven't managed to talk yet I just can't seem to find the courage to go ahead with it. The truth is I am real sensitive and I'm jus petrified of the outcome of loosing everything and also looking like a complete lying weirdo to all her friends and family and mine too.
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#16

Postby S.W.L » Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:28 pm

Hey Rg.

Don't get to work up about it the time will come when it's right. I pretty sure you won't lose everything mate, your partner will love you just the same, chin up and stay strong. I'm struggling like hell but I'm just taking a day at a time.
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#17

Postby Rg1239 » Fri Jan 13, 2017 10:17 pm

Thanks mate iv got to let her know mate before she meets my dad I just have to stop being a coward and do it. Feel physically and mentally drained at the min can barely function at the min.horrible times. If u don't mind me asking how comes your suffering s.w.l. ? Hope your situation turns out good for you, thanks for your positive words mate you've helped me feel abit more positive and see there could be light at the end of the tunnel. Stay safe mate
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#18

Postby SmartTheDumb » Sat Jan 14, 2017 1:50 am

Honestly, ridiculous. Let me tell you that I too have been in such a similar ridiculous situation. Ready to do stupid things, over stupid things. Now I laugh at my past self. Turns out I was just a grown baby.
The Persians have a saying that applies to all things, at all times.

"This too shall pass"
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#19

Postby Rg1239 » Sun Jan 15, 2017 9:55 pm

I know frm the outside in it seems this is such a small ridiculous thing and nothing to be depressed about but it's something iv dealt with for 15 years and jus can't seem to get through really struggling today still can't seem to say it to her. becoming a major strain on our relationship.
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#20

Postby Rg1239 » Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:33 pm

Iv wrote a text out explaining the situation with my father and how I'm suffering from depression im going to send it tomorrow I can't seem to say it to her face. Iv got to get this resolved by next Sunday or face the music of my partner meeting my dad for the first time in front of all her friends and family at our sons party and everybody finding out I haven't been truthful including my family I'm more concerned about a embarrassing her in front of her friends and family
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#21

Postby photonboy » Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:13 am

Hey, amigo. How about this; have a glass of wine with your wife, then, together with her, log into this site and let her read your first post. If she loves you as much as you love her she will likely give you a big hug, you'll have a good talk, then light a candle, have another glass of wine and ease on into the bedroom for some further, um, discussion..
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#22

Postby Greggenlpatgee » Wed Jan 25, 2017 2:42 am

Honest is the best policy, she obviously loves and cares for you to be in your life, for as long as you stated, and if this is the one obstacle and the only obstacle, then you should be ok, just tell her how head over heels you are of her, and that you were feeling insecure.she loves you she will be upset but forgiving i believe she will
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#23

Postby Alex4 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 7:10 am

Love is a precious gift. When you were married, you took her for better or worse, not her parents, not your parents. The color of skin, nationality, etc. are things that only need to be accepted by the both of you. No one else. It may not be easy if your family or yours or the society you live, but that is an annoying fly.

Your child can weather any mockery if you stand behind him and make him strong inside. We don't always get a second chance, and the older you get, the worse loneliness can be. Having a family is not something to take lightly. Hold tight to them. Every marriage has a rocky place or two. Working through them only makes the marriage tighter.

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#24

Postby Jamie514 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 6:11 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Rg1239 wrote:I wish it was so easy as that.


Well, it actually is that easy. Only in your mind it is some huge hurdle.

Truly, once you tell her and discover it was not a big deal, I hope you take the time to reflect on how you used your own mind, a fantasy in your head, to control your life.

Yes, Richard, I agree with you. Our mind can take everything very easily. It seems you are a consultant. Isn't it?
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#25

Postby Alex4 » Wed Feb 01, 2017 6:50 pm

Rg,
Generally, I don't go into this, but our situations are very similar, from the inside, so I'll pass this to you. Mine didn't turn out well, which is one reason I'm telling you this. Confused? What I am going to tell you is how you feel if you don't try,

In the late 8os, I had gender reassignment surgery. F to M.
After dating a girl for two weeks, I told her about it. It wasn't finished, but a work in progress. She accepted it right away.
She told her parents it was a nightmare. Every day she would come over crying because her father had said something negative,. We dated for two years, then got married. When we moved out of state two years later, she was pregnant with our son. (donor sperm). He was the greatest thing in my life. I was in a tough grad school program, and coming home to hold him and later play with him was amazing.

I thought my ex's father would let up, but instead there were letters, phone calls etc. To make a long story short, in conjunction with reassuring my ex, I should have confronted her father. At the time I figured it was non of his business. I didn't and it cost me my wife and son. They went back home, I could come up with excuses, but that doesn't change it. The point is, if you value your wife and son, sometimes you have to put your own fears aside and go forward. Talking to your wife about your mixed race as Richard suggested is a good idea. How you feel about it yourself and putting forth the situation without any hesitation or what might be perceived as shame will go a long way in how she feels about it. Once she knows, discuss whether or not to tell her parents. Some people prefer to keep family business in the family ( wife and husband and later son). If your wife is ok with your mixed race, that is the main thing. Don't lose them over something that makes little difference these days. You don't have to look back thirty years from now wishing you had fought harder or was too afraid to discuss and wish your son still lived with you.

Your wife loves you now. When you tell her, you will be the same person. It may take a little bit of work because she didn't know in the beginning, or she could just say "so what". Your fears are not silly, we all get nervous about being accepted, especially by the ones we love. The trick is to push those fears aside.

Good luck. Stand strong.
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#26

Postby Jamie514 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:17 am

Yes, Richard, I agree with you. Our mind can take everything very easily. It seems you are a consultant. Isn't it?
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