Fifty Five and all out!

Postby SadnotBad » Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:27 pm

I really don't know where to start.

I have spent the majority of my life running from and re naming my low moods, putting sticking plasters over the worst episodes, dis associating from other episodes and just completely ignoring the rest. Only to find that decisions made from pain will eventually lead to only more pain.

So I sit here with my life nothing like the life I thought it would be like at my age. I fought so hard to not be all that I have become - a burnt out divorcee with two adult children who could have done so much better for themselves had I not loved them so much. Love without the tough just so doesn't work.

However I have had to let them go and focus on me and the depression that loomed so large when I was a teenager has now grown muscles and turned in to a monster that is trying to destroy me. My body can no longer contain the internal tears and they have started to seep out at the slightest provocation from anyone and anything as I sit questioning my own sanity.

Life has lost it's meaning as one adult child now has his own family, the other one thinks our home is a hotel and does not understand that there is no room service, and I am trapped looking after my aged parents.

Life feels as though it has lost all it's meaning and I am slowly losing all hope as the monster of depression flexes it;s muscles 24/7 leaving me exhausted.
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Postby S.W.L » Fri Jan 06, 2017 10:52 pm

Hey sad not bad.

Have you ever talked to anyone about your problems? Sounds like you've locked yourself away from everyone around you. I suffer from depression and have for years but I think the life style I lead had a lot to do with that. Try talking to someone close to you or seek professional advice as doing nothing will only make matters worse from my experience. There's lots of help on here too so have a good look and don't be afraid to ask. .

Good luck.
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Postby TheCloud » Tue Jan 10, 2017 5:21 am

There are many things in life worth being grateful for. You have not seen them, because of your depressed outlook, but they are there, and there is much left for you to do. Even if it is hard for you, do you think that you can at least keep trying?
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Postby sadisbad » Tue Jan 31, 2017 9:17 pm

this post by sadnotbad could have been written by me with only a few variations.
I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and two grown children who have done okay for themselves.
I sit here day after day and wonder where I screwed up. My life used to be wonderful. I felt good about myself. Now I wonder why I have zero friends, absolutely no one to talk to. Oh I do have my amazing husband but he worries about me and he doesn't need to be burdened with my insecurities.
I know I am feeling sorry for myself. I do not know how to shake this depression I am feeling. This feeling of worthlessness...
I recently quit my job because I did not like the things they said to me at my review. I thought I was doing a wonderful job. They crushed me with their comments and I walked out in tears. This past week my daughter and I had an argument, I am not even sure why but it was enough for her to delete me and block me on social media. She wouldn't even let my grand daughter say good bye to me. When I remember hearing my grand daughter crying and wanting to see me, it kills me inside.
I am not suicidal by any means but at times I do think if I got sick and died.... no big deal. I am in a dark place and I need someone to help me find my way out....

Thank You for allowing me to vent... it really does help a little. I hope to connect with someone who can relate on my level.
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