How to leave a vulnerable relationship

Postby Unlickylady12 » Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:05 pm

So my partner cheats lies and controls every aspect of my life he's also sly I don't do anything I don't work as I'm not aloud and now I also have no confidence to work as I have panic attacks when I go out. He's paranoyed smokes a lot of weed. I've been with him 7 years I'm so unhappy but don't want to be alone. I can't find the strength to leave. I feel like I'm going insane. I love him loads but I want to unlove him if that makes sense so I can find it easier to leave. I'm weak. I have 2 children not his. I'm 30. He's been on sex sites cheated loads of times and muggings here is still here bcz I'm weak!!! Non of my family like him. My dad has disowned me and my brothers want to fight him bcz how he has treated me. My life is a living hell!!! What can I do. I no this is all jumbled up as I'm just writing what comes to my head. What can I do please help
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#1

Postby TheCloud » Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:19 pm

I would like to hear more about your panic attacks. Is there a particular reason that you are anxious, or a trigger that sets off your attacks?
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#2

Postby Unlickylady12 » Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:42 pm

For instance my sister dropped me at the doctors the other day n I was sat in the seat as soon as I realised I was alone I felt like I couldn't breath like I just been winded.then as soon as I'm home I'm ok again. It's started happening quite often for the past few months. I don't hardly go anywhere. I stay in all day apart from a Wednesday wen my sister comes for me or if I go out with my bf in the car.
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#3

Postby TheCloud » Sat Jan 14, 2017 11:29 pm

While panic attacks are frightening, they are not dangerous. Is it possible for you to practice going outside sometimes on your own?
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#4

Postby Unlickylady12 » Sun Jan 15, 2017 10:33 am

I have got a appointment with councillor on Feb hopefully this might work
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#5

Postby tokeless » Sun Jan 15, 2017 5:56 pm

For you to accept this behaviour you probably have low self esteem or worth. I guess you have to ask yourself if you want this life anymore and for your children to witness the effect it has. I would suggest you make a plan, involve your family and other trusted people, tell them you want to leave him and see if they can put you up so you have a safe place to go... then you set a date and time e.g when he's not there and then you go. No contact whatsoever and ensure he can't find out where you are.
Having a plan takes some of the fear away so you know what to do... perhaps this low self esteem could be the focus of your therapy because anxiety is usually a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself.
Ask youself if you can see yourself with this guy in 1,2,5, 10 yrs time and how that would feel..
best wishes
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#6

Postby TheCloud » Mon Jan 16, 2017 2:18 am

I believe that if you can manage your panic attacks so that you can work, you will have more freedom and confidence to deal with the other issues in your life.
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#7

Postby Candid » Mon Jan 16, 2017 9:08 am

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Paul Simon, 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover
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