Whyme2282 wrote:We live in a large area. A city with immense population. And he has to approve the team so even if she got the info via a friend,he still has the final say so.
And in regards to her. She is constantly trying to find ways to reconnect with him. She tried messaging him on fb etc. Her own husband doesn't trust her. Neither do I. He knows I don't trust her or her antics and I don't thinkle e should be enabling it
You don't trust her on her antics...fair enough. Do you trust your boyfriend on his antics?
If you are not in a small community where it is impossible or unrealistic to avoid her, then it is reasonable to have the expectation they would not be maintaining any sort of relationship. It should be rather easy in a large area with an immense population to avoid if not downright eliminate contact.
What the above means is that your boyfriend is entertaining the relationship. Your boyfriend is enabling the relationship to continue. He could easily avoid her, but he is choosing not to...why? It takes effort to do so...as the saying goes, "It takes two to tango."
To me it looks like you are in an unfortunate lose/lose situation. A small community means your expectations are unreasonable, but a large community means your boyfriend is actively engaged in the relationship. Either way you are in a bad spot. The small community relates to you being jealous, while the large community relates to having a boyfriend that has his own antics, that is enabling and actively engaging with his ex.
Given it is a large community, you might want to stop focusing on her antics and start focusing on the antics of your boyfriend. Don't blame her as you are not with her, you are with him. Your focus needs to be on him and his part in this tango.
And then...most important of all...is once again reflect on yourself and why you would choose to be with a man that is willing to dance with his ex. Why would you not leave the situation? Currently it sounds like you have some expectation that if you could just get the ex out of the picture then somehow the underlying values and integrity of your boyfriend will change, but that is not true. If he is willing to entertain and enable this dance with his ex, then you need to reflect and consider why you want to be in such a relationship.