24 years using, 4 months weed free my story

#30

Postby HerbalEntity » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:23 pm

Hi CleanofGreen I like yourself have been reading these forums, which have helped me so much in finally making it to 1 month clean, it feels like it has taken so long and to get here and I am so impressed with your story and the fact you have done so well you must have reached the 6 month mark by now, please update how are you feeling now, it really does give me hope reading these success stories. My story is im 35 now been smoking since 16 everyday until 2008 when i managed 9 months clean but i dont remember getting these awful symptoms paws i'm getting now, but i was happily married and had a good social life, i started smoking again in 2009 mostly every weekend or time off work, have done that right up until 1 month ago, but weed took its toll on me, it slowly picked away at my soul till there was nothing left. I was depressed, anxious, paranoid but most of all I couldnt remember anything, peoples names, what i had for dinner, id watch a movie and couldnt remember it the next day, i couldnt hold a conversation with anyone without getting really anxious when i wasnt high, my vocabularly suffered terribly i sounded retarded in conversations could not remember the words to use, I did well in school and used to be really intelligent, weed took all my motivation, all my dreams, it took all my lifeblood, i was an absolute shadow of the man i used to be and my confidence was rock bottom. so i decided to stop cold turkey. First 2 weeks where really hard, insomnia, loss of appetite, sweats, anger, mood swings, emotional all the time, but then things really improved after that I have had about 10 or more really good days, anxiety went, much improved performance in work, improved memory, able to hold good conversations with people, felt generally happy, I really thought i was on the way back and i'd got away with the dreaded PAWS but then a few days ago the serious anxiety, depression, negative thinking, depersonalisation and general lack of interest in anything including TV, gaming and reading has set in and i feel totally awful to the point that i hadnt had weed cravings for quite a while but now i am just to take this damn awful feelings of terror and worry and severe depression about everthing away, its like im a completely different person i feel like ive lost the will to live. I normally love my job, but i really dont feel like going to work or talking to anyone. These feeling have been made worse by my ex wife moving my kids 60 miles away this week and that has affected me, but i know deep down that these are the effects of paws, as i said earlier i have been reading so many of these forums and i knew that this was going to happen and now it finally has, I am really struggling to cope with it. I dont want to go back to weed ever but i really do need some encouragement and advice about how to get through this and when it will get better. i already excercise and work out and i have been going out to bars and having good time on saturdays with friends and gf but now i feel like this isnt working, ive hit rock bottom and im not going to be able to drag myself out of this depression. All your stories on this thread are really good and do give me much neede hope and i am so proud if all of you, I really wish i can make it to 4,5,6 months like you all and i wish hope this gets better, I just want to go back to the normal happy positive guy i always have been. Keep up the good work everyone you are doing so well, stay clean :-)
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#31

Postby cleanofgreen » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:02 pm

Hi Herbal,

Welcome to the forum and congratz on the 1 month free. I too remember giving it up for a few months in 2006 when my first was born and not having any problem. I have since put that down to smoking medium grade weed back then, I think all my problems started when i started abusing high grade 20% + thc strains every day.

I'm just over 6 1/2 months now and would say I'm at 85% normal, I still get anxiety some mornings and just went through a week of feeling no pleasure from things I usually love doing, having a few good days now. Over all I'm doing pretty dam good compared to where I was the last 6 months.

From the sound of it you do seem to have hit the paws stage which sucks and the only advice I could give is exercise a lot, keep your self busy for the next 5 months, eat a healthy diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and at least 75 grams of protein a day. Get a good source of Omega-3 oil and b-complex vitamin to help the brain re-wire and have more patience than you have ever had in your life. Doing a search through the forum for 6 months, 7 months etc. and reading some of the success stories helps also when going through a bad patch.

All your days won't suck, you'll get good and bad, so enjoy the good and push through the bad.Read this PAWS article http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=104580

I Wish you all the best in your quit, I know how bad it sucks now but believe me it does get better with time.
Stay Strong
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#32

Postby Quinnster » Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:30 am

Hey Herbal Entity,
Funny, but I could have written your post. I am at 2 months and I almost feel like I was better at the 1 month mark. The ringing in my ears sounds louder (anyone that had this for a while and it went away, please chime in...) my concentration this week has been non existent and It just seem like I have no interest in anything. Both my neighbors smoke and one was yelling across the way inviting me over for 4/20. Ugh! I don't want to go back to smoking because I know a week later I will be regretting it. I guess we need to just get through it and realize that it will get better!
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#33

Postby HerbalEntity » Sat Apr 22, 2017 8:13 am

Thankyou for reply Cleanofgreen your advice is a godsend. Funnily enough after explaining how depressed i was in my previous post, I actually woke up feeling much better yesterday and had a good day in work, I was actually dare I say it witty and funny to colleagues, I dont think I have shown these traits for many years because I was always so anxious and too foggy headed to be able to think clearly and have banter with people. Overall i think my anxiety has really come under control and I am able now to have proper conversations with people without the overwhelming sense of I need to go I need to get out of this situation.

I have woke up today saturday and I dont feel depressed today again so I take heart in what you say good days and bad days, and just have to try and make it through the bad days, but overall I have definately seen an improvement in myself and I am really proud, and like you Quinnster I was outside yesterday and neighbours where smoking but I just think now ugh too, I will never go back now i cant let it ruin my life anymore. My intention was to do 1 month smoke free but having accomplished that now my whole attitude has changed, i want to be the best I can be and improve nyself everyday.

I think you are right about the excercise I do weightlifting but I am going to join the gym so i can have cardio workouts when i am stressed on the bad days and also go for swims i think that will really help. Last time i gave up i had read about the b vitamin complex and fish oils that helps brain function and re-wiring i forgot all about it so thanks on my way out today to get me some of those.
Just hearing that you say you're at %85 is brilliant you've done so great and you should be so proud, well done. It really gives me encouragement, a goal to work to and now knowing that it does get better from what you've said it gives me positive feelings about the future now and not dread, because knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel and reward for this hell im going through now gives me the will to succed. Thankyou for your replies. I cant wait to achieve 6 months like you but 1 day at a time for now.
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#34

Postby cleanofgreen » Sat Apr 22, 2017 3:44 pm

Hi Herbal,
Great to hear your having good days again, keep up the good work and you'll be back to your old happy self in no time, a few months of pain for a lifetime of gain.
Stay Strong.
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