24 years using, 4 months weed free my story

#30

Postby HerbalEntity » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:23 pm

Hi CleanofGreen I like yourself have been reading these forums, which have helped me so much in finally making it to 1 month clean, it feels like it has taken so long and to get here and I am so impressed with your story and the fact you have done so well you must have reached the 6 month mark by now, please update how are you feeling now, it really does give me hope reading these success stories. My story is im 35 now been smoking since 16 everyday until 2008 when i managed 9 months clean but i dont remember getting these awful symptoms paws i'm getting now, but i was happily married and had a good social life, i started smoking again in 2009 mostly every weekend or time off work, have done that right up until 1 month ago, but weed took its toll on me, it slowly picked away at my soul till there was nothing left. I was depressed, anxious, paranoid but most of all I couldnt remember anything, peoples names, what i had for dinner, id watch a movie and couldnt remember it the next day, i couldnt hold a conversation with anyone without getting really anxious when i wasnt high, my vocabularly suffered terribly i sounded retarded in conversations could not remember the words to use, I did well in school and used to be really intelligent, weed took all my motivation, all my dreams, it took all my lifeblood, i was an absolute shadow of the man i used to be and my confidence was rock bottom. so i decided to stop cold turkey. First 2 weeks where really hard, insomnia, loss of appetite, sweats, anger, mood swings, emotional all the time, but then things really improved after that I have had about 10 or more really good days, anxiety went, much improved performance in work, improved memory, able to hold good conversations with people, felt generally happy, I really thought i was on the way back and i'd got away with the dreaded PAWS but then a few days ago the serious anxiety, depression, negative thinking, depersonalisation and general lack of interest in anything including TV, gaming and reading has set in and i feel totally awful to the point that i hadnt had weed cravings for quite a while but now i am just to take this damn awful feelings of terror and worry and severe depression about everthing away, its like im a completely different person i feel like ive lost the will to live. I normally love my job, but i really dont feel like going to work or talking to anyone. These feeling have been made worse by my ex wife moving my kids 60 miles away this week and that has affected me, but i know deep down that these are the effects of paws, as i said earlier i have been reading so many of these forums and i knew that this was going to happen and now it finally has, I am really struggling to cope with it. I dont want to go back to weed ever but i really do need some encouragement and advice about how to get through this and when it will get better. i already excercise and work out and i have been going out to bars and having good time on saturdays with friends and gf but now i feel like this isnt working, ive hit rock bottom and im not going to be able to drag myself out of this depression. All your stories on this thread are really good and do give me much neede hope and i am so proud if all of you, I really wish i can make it to 4,5,6 months like you all and i wish hope this gets better, I just want to go back to the normal happy positive guy i always have been. Keep up the good work everyone you are doing so well, stay clean :-)
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#31

Postby cleanofgreen » Thu Apr 20, 2017 10:02 pm

Hi Herbal,

Welcome to the forum and congratz on the 1 month free. I too remember giving it up for a few months in 2006 when my first was born and not having any problem. I have since put that down to smoking medium grade weed back then, I think all my problems started when i started abusing high grade 20% + thc strains every day.

I'm just over 6 1/2 months now and would say I'm at 85% normal, I still get anxiety some mornings and just went through a week of feeling no pleasure from things I usually love doing, having a few good days now. Over all I'm doing pretty dam good compared to where I was the last 6 months.

From the sound of it you do seem to have hit the paws stage which sucks and the only advice I could give is exercise a lot, keep your self busy for the next 5 months, eat a healthy diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and at least 75 grams of protein a day. Get a good source of Omega-3 oil and b-complex vitamin to help the brain re-wire and have more patience than you have ever had in your life. Doing a search through the forum for 6 months, 7 months etc. and reading some of the success stories helps also when going through a bad patch.

All your days won't suck, you'll get good and bad, so enjoy the good and push through the bad.Read this PAWS article http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=104580

I Wish you all the best in your quit, I know how bad it sucks now but believe me it does get better with time.
Stay Strong
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#32

Postby Quinnster » Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:30 am

Hey Herbal Entity,
Funny, but I could have written your post. I am at 2 months and I almost feel like I was better at the 1 month mark. The ringing in my ears sounds louder (anyone that had this for a while and it went away, please chime in...) my concentration this week has been non existent and It just seem like I have no interest in anything. Both my neighbors smoke and one was yelling across the way inviting me over for 4/20. Ugh! I don't want to go back to smoking because I know a week later I will be regretting it. I guess we need to just get through it and realize that it will get better!
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#33

Postby HerbalEntity » Sat Apr 22, 2017 8:13 am

Thankyou for reply Cleanofgreen your advice is a godsend. Funnily enough after explaining how depressed i was in my previous post, I actually woke up feeling much better yesterday and had a good day in work, I was actually dare I say it witty and funny to colleagues, I dont think I have shown these traits for many years because I was always so anxious and too foggy headed to be able to think clearly and have banter with people. Overall i think my anxiety has really come under control and I am able now to have proper conversations with people without the overwhelming sense of I need to go I need to get out of this situation.

I have woke up today saturday and I dont feel depressed today again so I take heart in what you say good days and bad days, and just have to try and make it through the bad days, but overall I have definately seen an improvement in myself and I am really proud, and like you Quinnster I was outside yesterday and neighbours where smoking but I just think now ugh too, I will never go back now i cant let it ruin my life anymore. My intention was to do 1 month smoke free but having accomplished that now my whole attitude has changed, i want to be the best I can be and improve nyself everyday.

I think you are right about the excercise I do weightlifting but I am going to join the gym so i can have cardio workouts when i am stressed on the bad days and also go for swims i think that will really help. Last time i gave up i had read about the b vitamin complex and fish oils that helps brain function and re-wiring i forgot all about it so thanks on my way out today to get me some of those.
Just hearing that you say you're at %85 is brilliant you've done so great and you should be so proud, well done. It really gives me encouragement, a goal to work to and now knowing that it does get better from what you've said it gives me positive feelings about the future now and not dread, because knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel and reward for this hell im going through now gives me the will to succed. Thankyou for your replies. I cant wait to achieve 6 months like you but 1 day at a time for now.
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#34

Postby cleanofgreen » Sat Apr 22, 2017 3:44 pm

Hi Herbal,
Great to hear your having good days again, keep up the good work and you'll be back to your old happy self in no time, a few months of pain for a lifetime of gain.
Stay Strong.
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#35

Postby RiF » Sat Apr 29, 2017 1:36 pm

I start week 9 tomorrow, cant wait to start month 9. Good job on the quit/s peeps, cant understand why it took me so long to quit
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#36

Postby cleanofgreen » Thu May 04, 2017 4:04 pm

7 Months and one week Weed and Alcohol Free :)

Well the 26th has passed again and I have gone 7 months clean.
How do I feel now?
At around the 6 month mark I noticed a huge improvement in my anxiety, I wasn't always looking for answers online about my PAWS . The depression that had almost killed me in the first 5 months had nearly completely gone. I started being social again without much effort, stopped being self conscious and had a lot more self esteem . I seem to be living more, rather than just existing while waiting for some magical length of time to pass for me to feel normal again. You're not 100% at 6 months but you feel the improvements and start to notice the things that used to make you happy, are making you happy again. It takes so long and is so subtle that it creeps up on you and you find that you've had a few weeks of normality.

Something that one of the other posters said helped me understand what I think most here do wrong in the first few months "You can't think your way out of this one". It seems that being a stoner for a long time has ingrained a mode of thought where everything is over thought and nothing gets done. You have to stop thinking about it and just do something.

I feel like a totally different person from the one I was 7 months ago. I rarely get angry anymore, even my kids have commented on that one, I thought I was chilled out before, but was drugged with a touch of anxiety and paranoia. My brain is a lot sharper although there is a bit to go on that one, I'm fitter than I've ever been and spend a lot more time with my family. I think the process of recovery has made me a lot more humble, stripping away the weed induced inflated ego where everyone else is a fool stuck in a rat race. I can empathize with the people I meet who's life seems to be a case of being stuck on a hamster wheel with that worried look on their faces.

I'm also realizing now that after 24 years of using weed, that giving up alone, even though it's the hard part isn't going to magically cure all the problems that a lifelong addiction has brought me, I've a lot of work to do regarding re-building my career (where I'm going to be the hamster running on the wheel), people skills, taking up some new hobbies and making new non stoner friends.

I'd say that I'm 80 - 85% back to normal, my brain is working better and memory has improved but I'm still unproductive, have little motivation and get some anxiety in the mornings every now and then, I'm confident that these will get better in the coming weeks and that I'll make a full recovery.

Good Luck to all and stay strong.
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#37

Postby HerbalEntity » Fri May 05, 2017 5:04 pm

Hi Cleanofgreen firstly i just want to congratulate you on an outstanding achievement making it to 7 months, I read with envy as I am only on a pitiful day 46 and it has been the hardest thing I've ever done so i can only imagine how hard getting to your stage must have been.

I'm really glad you posted an update today actually because it really gives me hope and a renewed sense of what I'm working towards and why i should continue to stay clean.
The last couple of weeks have been so hard. I have been quite depressed at times and low mood that can last for days. I am extremely tired all the time and have a real loss of motivation, i was working out and excercising a lot up until recently, now im coming home from work, im too tired and un motivated to.
My sleep has been really poor of late, its light in the mornings now and i seem to be waking up so early and cant get back to sleep, then i feel groggy in work.

My confidence seems to have taken a real beating too lately, I talk to people in work but only because im forced to, I often feel like if I could get away with not talking to anyone i would happily do so.
Also I dont feel like my memory is improving at all, I still feel foggy when remembering things i should know, and Im really struggling to have banter with the boys in work, because i cant think of a good reply, there is just nothing up there in my brain ive completely lost my creative edge and that makes me really anxious then and feel like i need to flee... to run away from the situation because i dont want to come accross as stupid or socially awkward, I still do feel really socially awkward at times.
I dont feel happy at all at any time and when i do laugh with people in work it feels forced, im doing it so i fit in, so i dont come accross as a big bore or rude. I just want to feel a little bit of happiness, it feels like its been so long i cant remember what it feels like to be happy.

I do have the odd good day in work now and again where i seem to be a social butterfly for a few hours and very talkative, but then i come home and feel depressed again. This is just so hard at the moment,but im proud that ive almost done 7 weeks and i will soldier on with this in the hope i eventually show some signs of improvement like you have explained.

I took your advice and im taking b-vitamin complex, omega 3 fish oil. Im also taking a 5-htp supplement that is supposed to enhance mood by boosting seretonin levels but waiting to really feel any benefits from that. Im also seeing a new girlfriend who is really nice but i just dont want to scare her off by being all miserable so hopefully she helps takes my mind of all this misery and hell.

I really just cant wait to feel something positive from this quit attempt, just a little sign of improvement just anything that will make me feel like this is all worth while. I cant help but wake up every single morning and count the day im up to, and its going so slow. Its like time has stood still for me, and to think it may be another 6 months until i feel any sort of improvement is just such a depressing thought.

You have done fantastic though pal and you deserve all the kudos. You are a real inspiration to me, I really think I would have given up already if it were not for your posts. So please keep us updated on your progress and keep going. Well Done ;-)
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#38

Postby Bagobones » Fri May 05, 2017 6:56 pm

cleanofgreen wrote:"You can't think your way out of this one".



Very true! :) I am very happy for you! So proud of you dude! :) I can get behind everything you wrote in that update.

onwards and upwards from here cleanofgreen!!!
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#39

Postby Soberchic » Sat May 06, 2017 1:00 am

Good stuff clean of green...thats amazing you should be proud.. Keep up the good work..nice to hear about your journey..Thank you for sharing
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#40

Postby cleanofgreen » Sat May 06, 2017 10:30 am

Hey Herbal,

Glad my post gave you some hope and sorry that your feeling low right now, at 1.5 months I was going through hell and constantly thought that it was never going to get better but I can assure you it does with a little more time.
and to think it may be another 6 months until i feel any sort of improvement

I had small improvements up to 4.5 months with 2 weeks where I thought I was completely better at the 4.5 months mark only to have another wave of PAWS at 5 months. Everybody different so you might turn that corner at 3 months like a lot of others here. Keep up the good work and you be good in no time.
Bagobones wrote:
cleanofgreen wrote:"You can't think your way out of this one".



Very true! :) I am very happy for you! So proud of you dude! :) I can get behind everything you wrote in that update.
!

Great to hear from you Bagobones,
Yes that quote stuck with me and made me realize that being a stoner for so long has made me stuck in my head all the time, over-thinking everything, kind of addicted to thinking. Trying to break this habit with meditation but its slow going.
Thanks for the kind words.

Soberchic wrote:Good stuff clean of green...thats amazing you should be proud.. Keep up the good work..nice to hear about your journey..Thank you for sharing

Thanks Soberchic, it's nice to see your still going strong.

Anyway now I most get off this forum and get some work done as I think I've another addiction to break, my Internet Addiction, I seem to be spending way too much time searching around the Internet these days without getting much done. Got to get my butterfly brain to focus on the job at hand.
Stay Strong Everybody
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#41

Postby Gitana » Sun May 07, 2017 4:02 pm

Internet addiction, over-thinking, constant questioning, non-stop researching, ever-learning (?), i hear you COG, that s me too.
Reading you just made me realize it even clearer. I m trying to break the habit by changing my habits - like i would do something for 10 minutes (say fold the laundry, clean something, cook, play music, draw or whatnot) before allowing myself to approach the computer - in front of which i end up spending less time since said-activity always end up taking much more that "10 minutes" and usually leads to other things to (like surfing from little task to little task, just like on the internet, but in the house haha).
Yup, i manage to tame the internet beast that way sometimes - although with that "no motivation" phase, it s not always easy - but who said it would be? Good luck
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#42

Postby mentalclaritymission » Sun May 21, 2017 2:13 pm

Hey man. hope its going well for you and youre still going strong...
Ive been 10 years smoking but really worried for my mental health because i was smoking through the developmental period of my brain (teens) from about 15/16 to 25/26.... apparently i stopped just when my peak of brain development would have stopped also :(... im now about 3 months sober and its been up and down to say the least...
in the sobering words of an old friend 'its like your trying to put out the fire when the house is already burnt down'... that one really pushed me to disprove them and everyone else doubting me...
One thing i worry about is this whole PAWS thing.. ive read that it can take heavy smokers like you and me up to 2 years, 3 even to feel back to normal again properly.. but my worry is that would we actually be 'rebooted' by that stage or is that how long it takes out minds to simply adjust to the new, dumbed down version of ourselves we have moulded over the years... I over think a lot... hopefully that decreases more over time... i am hoping to find a good girl, no more flings, and the old stoner me is not who i want to be known as....
I have lots of moments of hot headedness, not anger (although i do get irritated really easily and spend most days holding back tears from many mixed emotions i guess ive been suppressing through the smoking over time) but i mean like a fuzzy headedness, almost as if that high feeling still there, almost every morning, sometimes throughout the day... ive been meditating and trying to exercise and eat well every day... there are small improvements but very slowly too.. i guess my expectations are too high.... im hoping to get back into education, fast track course into uni, meet new people new ideas new activities.... its going real slow though but im trying to stay positive, just my 2 cents man,..... all the best in your journey man. thanks for posting a lot of us read these things so dont think no replies means no ones interested... not everyone is bothered to make an account and reply etc.... but it does help. peace out
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#43

Postby cleanofgreen » Sun May 21, 2017 5:16 pm

Hey mentalclaritymission,
Great work on the 3 months, that's a lot of time down,
but my worry is that would we actually be 'rebooted' by that stage or is that how long it takes out minds to simply adjust to the new, dumbed down version of ourselves we have moulded over the years


I wouldn't worry about the brain not returning to normal, there are many stories here of long time smokers who have proved that wrong. http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=80881&p=740732#p740732 I'd go so far to say that when you kick the addiction you will be a better version of your old self (meaning you will still be better than if you had never smoked in your life) . I takes a lot of mental strength to kick the addiction and go through paws and when you come out the other side you'll have mental strength and humility that you would have never had if you didn't have to go through it.

Don't worry about the 2-3 years just push for 6 - 8 months as most will be near 80% at that stage. For me the big improvements started around 6 months. I could even feel my brain healing at that stage, it was like some one tickling my forehead with a feather.
although i do get irritated really easily and spend most days holding back tears from many mixed emotions i guess ive been suppressing through the smoking over time

I had cried a few times too during my paws, no very becoming for a grown man but it felt good to get it out since I could never remember ever crying before that. I haven't cried since 5.5 months so it does get better. I also still get the brain fog some times but It's getting less and I seem to be able to snap my self out of it easier. I'm not far off 8 months and I can honestly say that it does get better, I'm still not 100% but there has been a huge improvement in the last 2 months alone. So stick with it and take your life back.
Good Luck and Stay strong.
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#44

Postby Olsen42 » Tue May 23, 2017 1:02 am

I'm at 2 months clean. Still going through hell but there are some good days. All the posts on this forum really help a lot.

Cleanofgreen - I'm also experiencing the tickling in the forehead (if you were speaking literally), I've found that the reward system (which is probably damaged after all these years of smoking) is placed in the frontal lobe of the brain. This part of the brain is also responsible for anxiety and stress emotions so I find all these ticklings very interesting and I would like to know what they mean.
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