Hey everyone, I'm new on here and just looking for some general advice I think and someone to talk to.
I'm engaged to a wonderful man, and usually we have a fantastic relationship. We've been together for two years. The first seven months were long distance and I moved 250 miles to be with him (he has a child from a previous relationship so it was naturally me that moved and thats okay).
However, I'm still feeling quite unsettled in the new town and quite frequently return to my friends and family (about once a month for a weekend). I get quite lonely otherwise as I miss my close friendships and the phone doesn't quite feel the same.
So just after NYE, due to work being crazy etc I hadn't been down to visit my friends and family for about 3 months which is a long time for me, and I started to get a bit down at home and it caused some strain in my relationship with my partner. I have a tendency to withdraw into myself when I'm sad/lonely and for about 2 weeks we barely spoke, just watched telly together in the evenings and back to work the next day. I visited everyone last weekend and came home feeling refreshed and ready to make things better with my beau. So, Monday I decided to drop in for ten minutes as he is an army cadet officer on Monday nights and I know where we always goes for dinner so I thought it would be nice to surprise him for a quick bite to eat as otherwise we wouldn't see each other. As I drove up, I saw that there was another woman on the back of his motorbike that he hadn't told me about. He saw me drive past, and instead of being mature and talking to them I panicked and drove off like a bat out of hell, instantly jumping to the conclusion he was being unfaithful, or at the very least being dishonest.
We ended up having this massive argument for about 2 hours after he got home. He said he was hurt that I would immediately think he was cheating and he was innocently giving someone a lift to cadets who was going to walk the 40min journey otherwise. He didn't tell me because he genuinely didn't think it was a big deal but I got really upset about it.
I'm in counselling for my low self esteem issues etc but its really put a wall between us, because of how I reacted and I was pissed off he didn't mention it to me beforehand - I felt like he was purposefully hiding it from me. He said he will give her a lift whenever she needs one, but due to my issues I'm instantly worried and jealous. In my head, I'm seeing this lift growing into potentially something more.
I haven't quite got down to the reasons for my low self esteem but really wish I could just get over it and be a normal trusting partner. I intensely dislike myself right now
Sorry for the long post.. just wanted to get it out there and it always helps to see stuff written down to help process.
Thanks for reading.