Like the rest of the world, we had an unsettling 2016. Quite unbelievable in some respects. Hypocritical old me gets annoyed when people blame a year, essentially a number, for their bad luck and misfortunes. However, 2017 was set to be THE year.
Back in March my longstanding boyfriend proposed to me (I thought she said she had a bad 2016) and after 7 years together, we were eager to get hitched, so the wedding plans commenced. Before being engaged I spoke to multiple brides and I kept hearing how stressful weddings were to plan. My fiancé and I kept saying how we were going to have a straightforward, no fuss wedding and both contribute equally to the day, in order to minimise the stress; we had no idea what was to come. Apart from our original marriage abroad phase, that quickly ended, everything was going so smoothly. Venue; third one we saw, booked. Dress; third shop I went it, brought. Photographer; met at our first wedding fair, booked. Honeymoon; knew what we wanted, booked. Save the dates; vistaprint, sent. With some unfortunate circumstances throughout the year, our plans began to halt. It seemed too soon to get everything else organised. I asked my girls to be bridesmaids and they were organising what was meant to be the most incredibly 'me' hen, that even I would not have planned.
So, for those of you who are still reading, I have drawn you in with our wedding story so far and you've probably inferred that something will drastically change. This is the part where it did. 2017.
As it was now 'our wedding year' we started to get a move on with our plans and contacted florists, looked at invites, I ordered some bridesmaid dresses, but that all soon changed in the blink of an eye and it was all down to one thing...families.
The old saying goes 'we can't choose our family'. I thought we were choosing our own family, a family for my fiancé and I to start together; 'it's just us two' we always used to say.
I'm not going to blame anyone in particular for all this next part, I truly believe it was a culmination of factors that led our families to fall out. My fiancé' sister got married in the November and my sister, a dress maker, altered the bridesmaid dresses for her. A text was sent regarding money (never a good issue) that was misinterpreted and my sister took as passive aggressive and was upset by it, so she did not attend her wedding. Naturally, as they were both bridesmaids for me, this caused tension when they were organising my hen. My fiancé' sister kept messaging my fiancé about how she has organised everything with the hen and how my own sister has done nothing to help, which obviously upset me. Another one of my bridesmaids, my best friend, observed the tension between our sisters and came to me to ask if I knew anything. I told her about the bridesmaid dress situation and she agreed, that for mine and my fiancé' sake, she would sort it for us. My mum and sister then came round to mine and vented about how my sister has been pushed out of the hen do plans and they feel as though my fiancé' sister was taking control of it all and snapping at every comment made. I naturally defended my fiancé' sister as she was like a sister to me but I just didn't want to be in the middle. I told my sister to meet up with my fiancé' sister in order to sort things out. This 'sorting' came in the form of a text message which my sister sent. As soon as she sent it my fiancé' sister was on the phone to my fiancé asking where this had all come from and that she was going to drop out of being bridesmaid...and that is just the start. My sister asked to meet up to discuss everything with her, like I asked her to, and she blocked her on Facebook. The next day, my sister put a comment, on Facebook (see what problems comes from social networking) making a remark about people wanting dress altering/making for next to no money - bit inappropriate regarding the circumstances and after a comment from my fiancé telling her so, she removed it. Then, my sister's boyfriend then messaged my fiancé asking him why he messaged the photo saying 'inappropriate'. Why he felt the need to get involved, I do not know but I just think he wanted to create more drama. I called my mum to inform her that my fiancé and I decided that all this juvenile behaviour and petulance had to stop and we were getting married for the two of us, so we decided we were going to elope. This created an argument and some things were said that shouldn't have been said about various people, myself included. My fiancé said something silly to my mum too in defence and I was left in tears. The families won't meet up to resolve this.
There is a reason I am giving you all facts and no opinions, make of it what you will. But mine and my fiancé' opinions on the whole matter has meant that he is now my ex fiancé. Am I heartbroken? Am I beside myself with anxiety and fear anymore? Do I think it's for the best? Questions that keep circling my mind.
We are all imperfectly perfect; that's what makes us so real. Just fed up of the shaming and blaming that left us completely in the middle. Things happen. We've moved forward and we're going to learn from this, hopefully.