PAWS?

#15

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:30 am

I remember while I was smoking I had a crazy panic attack and I went to the cheap centracare right away and he told me something was wrong with my heart cause it was beating very fast.. But he didn't even know I was having an anxiety attack nor did he ask me.. What a stupid Doctor. Ever since that day he freaked me out even though rationally there's nothing wrong with my heart ya know? It only starts to bother me when I think about it.. Which is anxiety. I know I don't have an issue but I sill obsess about it :(
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#16

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:10 am

And how long Untill Your anxiety started to vanish?
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#17

Postby NoProblem » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:24 am

The anxiety started to return to 'baseline' or normal levels around the start of the 9 month. I still have issues with fear of panic attacks in specific situations, but that too is getting better. The anxiety I experienced between months 1-5 seem like a bad dream now.

I am currently seeing a therapist to iron out some issues with my left over panic fears from the withdrawal experience. I suspect things will be good to go in no time.

Clean for 10 months (April 2016). You can read my post history for more specific details about what I went though throughout the last year.
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#18

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:55 am

You think you'll be rid of that fear eventually ?
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#19

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:57 am

So the anxiety will go away? Thank god. I bet you were stuck with that anxiety monster at one point.
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#20

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:59 am

Your irrational thoughts dissapeared ?
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#21

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 4:11 am

Thank you man much love !
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#22

Postby NoProblem » Fri Feb 10, 2017 12:08 pm

Hey, no worries man. It's not an easy situation to go about alone. I turned to this forum every chance I had for comfort and reassurance. Although different (but similar), you can check out the w w w. benzobuddies. o r g (doesn't let me post links) forum to see peoples experiences from withdrawing off Benzodiazepines. Although significantly different from marijuana, the symptoms are almost the same, but last significantly longer. It just demonstrates the beast that withdrawals is.

For the most part, the anxiety and unrelenting fear I had early on has faded. It's just these small issues that remain that I'm currently dealing with. Funny enough, throughout my whole life, I've felt fear and anxiety in various situations, but a little self-talk got me through them and my day went on. The fear and anxiety I experienced through withdrawals is like something I've never felt before in my life. It's as if someone slammed the gas pedal on my central nervous system and left their leg down for an extended period of time, leaving a mark on my memory. No self-talk or distraction would help alleviate the symptoms, but time did. And yes, for the most part, my irrational thoughts have gone. I still have the occasional thought of panic in some situations, but my body doesn't react as quick to that as it used too.

Also, small favour: try and limit your posts to one big post instead of 4-5 in a short period of time. It's hard to sift through them all haha.

Cheers.
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#23

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:54 pm

No problem sorry about that. I would describe how I'm feeling as "not myself" and "uneasy" always on flight or fight mode. Worrying and obsessing over things. Negative thoughts, Thinking I have every disease in the book. I have good days but also have some really bad ones. Does this sound like common things in paws? And do u finally feel like yourself again? I'm always checking in on how I feel... And I feel like I'm never at a peace of mind.. It's like there's always something wrong with me during this withdrawal.
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#24

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:21 pm

Sorry to type again but were you emotions kind of numb in a way?like nothing excites me man. Is that normal ? I just do things like a robot man it sucks :(
I'm only at 2 months... I'm in for a long road huh ?
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#25

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 9:26 pm

I just don't feel like myself. Like a weight is on my shoulders in a sense. Like I don't know how to explain it lol. It's just not the normal happy me. Does that make sense?
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#26

Postby NoProblem » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:24 pm

The trickery with PAWS is that it comes in waves and windows. Windows are generally considered the stretches of time, whether it be 30 minutes, an hour, a day or ideally a week of little to no symptoms. Waves are when you feel plenty of symptoms hit you and stick around for no reason. Up to this point, I'd say I feel about 85% of the way back to my 'normal' self. I'm still always checking in on how I feel as well, but the intensity in my bodies response is no where near what it was about 2 months ago.

What you're feeling right now is anhedonia, which is essentially the inability to feel pleasure. It feels like depression. All or most of the things you were interested in previously bring you temporarily no pleasure during this process. I went through this quite severely for about 6 months. The pleasure gradually returned after that. And yes, it all makes perfect sense man. Your brain is readjusting. Although really hard, the more you tread on the symptoms, the more intense they become. Try to distract yourself in anyway possible.

As for timing, no one can really be sure except yourself. Some people on this forum feel great after 3 months. Others? 1 year +. But always know this: the brain is capable of many, many things. Neuroplasticity is one of those things which is really the brains ability to reorganize itself.

Give it time.
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#27

Postby Antmorales16 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:39 pm

Man what you said is so true. Sometimes I think is this really how sobriety is? And yeah man I get them in Windows and waves. Is it normal at 2 months to get waves every few hours? Like I feel good sometimes then it goes away. Like out of nowhere I feel this spike of anxiety and andehonia hit me ya know. My thoughts get all scrambled and I can't think properly. This sounds familiar? There's times where I feel great and they last for a little maybe like 30 minutes. Then it comes back to the waves lol.
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#28

Postby NoProblem » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:59 am

Yep, sounds pretty similar. I was close to unfunctional at one point. My anxiety/panic was so severe that I was carrying some anti-anxiety medication on me at all times as a 'safety net' incase I had a panic attack. I never took the meds, but the thought of having them near by calmed me down. I would have moments at work where I would just walk outside and sit on a bench near the front of my office because I felt like I was going to panic at any minute during the day.

As time went on, the thoughts associated with those fears started to gradually lose power. Not only that, but when I would think about having a panic attack (which was any time I stepped out of my house), I used to get an adrenaline burst immediately. Now, my body/mind react significantly slower to that and much more calm. I attribute that to the brain healing overtime. All of this: never existed before quitting.

Intrusive thoughts, depression, anhedonia, anxiety, panic are very common during this process.

Also, I saw your PM. Unfortunately, I do not have enough posts to reply back. Forum rules I guess lol. I'll use this for now and switch over to that as soon as the forum gods grant me permission.

Cheers.
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#29

Postby Antmorales16 » Mon Feb 13, 2017 5:06 pm

its such a weird feeling. Today I woke up and felt very depersonalized. I know this isn't how life is supposed to be :/
my panic attacks usually start with my heartbeat lol. Its like my mind right now is very gullible. I'm never at a peace of mind ya know? something is always bothering me mentally. its SO hard to believe well be normal again but I have faith. everything I do I do it cause I force myself to do It! theres no excitement in anything for me. is 2 months still early for a 2 and half 3 year smoker? I really forgot what normal is, but I know its not this! its like my mind is not fully happy.. before smoking I was 15 but still I was happy and never had bad anxiety or intrusive thoughts ya know. My self esteem is at a all time high right now due to this situation! & I'm always worrying about my heart when I know nothing is wrong.. thanks man appreciate your posts!
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