Two people in love but can't be together due to trust issues

Postby Sueann737 » Wed Feb 08, 2017 4:40 am

There is a man that I have known for three years and have loved for a long time but it never worked out for us. He couldn't open up, or one of us would move and it never worked out. A year ago I started dating a different man and even got engaged. I have been in contact with my "what if" man and things were completely different this time around. We connected like we never had before, admitted we both loved each other. I broke up with my fiancé for him. In the process of the breakup I lied to my new man a few times about the details of the breakup (how long I kept in contact with my ex, a few times I went to his house to get things) and he found out about them. He has serious trust issues from his last relationship which was a marriage that was over 7 years ago. He can't trust me now. To the point where he isn't sure he wants to be with me. He insists that he loves me and wants to be with me and I want the same but he says that he can't fully be with me because he can't trust me. We also live 10 hours apart from one another, and I have offered solutions to build back the trust and complete transparency and he will have none of it.

Am I wasting my time? Is it worth it to fight for this when I love him and he loves me?
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#1

Postby Livetowin » Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:32 am

Trust issues is a serious matter because without that, you really have nothing. Before you examine him in this scenario, you need to step back and examine what you own in this situation.

You need to first ask yourself why you got engaged to someone whom you apparently didn't have a deeper commitment to if all it took was for this guy to come back around. From what you said, there was never a real relationship with this other man before, so much as a nuance of maybe something being there. So how do you reason something that never was and give it rank over a relationship where you're telling your partner you're ready to settle down? That's a HUGE disconnect.

If you blend that with the manipulative action of not telling either party exactly how the other is established in your life, then you are creating a false narrative to get them to do what you want. This man has a good reason not to secure a relationship with you. You just dumped a man you were ready to make vows with and you can't make a clean break by even telling the man you want to be with the truth about it all. When will it be his turn to become 'ordinary' so you can leave him on the flimsy prayer of "what if" from another man that catches your fancy?

You offering suggestions on how to find 'trust' sounds like another manipulation. I believe you need to take a deep and meaningful examination of why you allow a desire to have something supersede your better judgement to stay committed to someone for reasons that should be far more compelling. You need to step back and ask yourself who it is you want to be and fix the issues that motivate you to take flight. It doesn't sound to me like you really know what you want. So before you get someone else entangled in your life, you might first clean up the problems that prevent them from staying in your life.
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#2

Postby whybotherwhynot » Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:53 pm

For somebody, it is blind to be in love. For some other, it is lying to pretend to be in love. When someone says s/he loves you but has trust issue or cannot commit, that person is a liar. That person just wants a company/companion to fill the lonely times and does not want any commitment or responsibility.
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#3

Postby katrina155 » Wed Feb 08, 2017 4:16 pm

I agree with a whybotherwhynot :)
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