What would u do in my situation?

Postby cyberhacker » Mon Feb 13, 2017 4:56 pm

Welp i ve been in love with this guy for two years. He used to like me back two years ago, but i was too shy and I ve never done anything.

Now .. We started to talk again on May 2016. He messaged me everyday and I never initiated the conversation . We played games together, such as Dota, League, Overwatch, etc.
Despite all of this, in real life we barely look at each other.. We met only once because i wanted to give him a gift for his birthday( he liked the gift and he started to message me more frequently lol)
4 days later, although I thought everything was going pretty good, he suddenly stopped messaging me. I don t know why.
I started to realize that he doesn t like me back and welp, I don t know what to do.

I really really like him and I want to make him realize how cool I am ..
Could you please give me some advices concerning what I should do? I don t want to give up on him ..

My main problem is that I am too shy to do anything, but I am willing to try anything that makes sense.

Thank you.
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Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 13, 2017 7:06 pm

cyberhacker wrote:My main problem is that I am too shy to do anything, but I am willing to try anything that makes sense.

How did you expect it to turn out? He messages you every day, time and time and time again. As you put it he always initiates. You never initiate and you are surprised that he eventually stops messaging?

More than likely he found a different girl that began initiating conversations with him. She showed interest in him, unlike your passive nature, waiting for him to initiate. Of course he will eventually find other things of interest and why should he not? Other than his birthday, you never initiate.

See how many times I used the word initiate in this response? That is your solution. There is no magical solution. There is no pill you can take, nor any surgery you can get, nor magic hypnotic method that will cure you being "too shy." If you want a relationship with this person or any other person, you must take responsibility and practice initiating. Practice, practice, practice initiating and in time you will feel more comfortable, you will be less shy. I'm not saying initiate by professing all of your feelings, etc. I'm saying in any relationship, you can initiate in simple ways, by saying hello, by asking a person how they are doing before being asked, by initiating conversations instead of always waiting for them to be first. Good luck practicing.
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Postby Alex4 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 1:45 am

Some people are more comfortable with the distance of either e-mail or texting, but when it comes to actually meeting the person, they back off. Depending on what he was messaging you about, you may have gotten the wrong idea. Without knowing the person is hard to tell what their intentions were.

If you want to try and start something with him, you will have to do a face to face. Coffee, lunch, a walk, whatever you are comfortable. If he doesn't answer you invitation, his intentions were that of a friend, not a boyfriend or he too is shy and unable to get past the barrier of having the phone and texting between you. If those are true, you may have to move on.

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Postby Livetowin » Tue Feb 14, 2017 2:48 pm

Texting, email, and chats over games is a good way to invent people you think you know. But in truth you don't have a clue who this individual is. You value him based on the fact that he initiates conversations with you from time to time. You've created this expectation based on those communications and essentially filled in the void as to who he is from nothing more than your assumption of what his communications mean.

You've stated the times when the two of you could be in each other's presence, neither one of you seldom laid eyes on one another. Question - If you're not looking, how do you know he's not? Bottomline: Relationships are not born from assumptions and theory based on intent. They come from getting together as people and spending time getting to know each other. You have to see people to understand the nuances you can't get from artificial communication. Talk is cheap. Words are even cheaper.

Talking to someone over a game is a distraction, not a relationship. I would spend less time waiting for him to send you messages and more time taking a self-examination of who you are. Waiting around for people to talk to you is a great recipe for loneliness. You need to find you're own voice and start thinking about things you like to do and take action on those things. When you learn to love yourself, then you will have a better understanding of when and where to love others.
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Postby Alex4 » Tue Feb 14, 2017 11:33 pm

livetowin has good points. My father used to say "how do you know the author of the post isn't a dog". he didn't mean ugly. He simply meant that when you get involved on line with someone, you have no idea who you are really talking to. ]
hang in there
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Postby HumanB » Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:48 am

I'd give up on trying to make him "realize how cool I am" and just be REAL! You like him and want to know why he stopped messaging you..... so how's about: "hey, how's it going? I enjoyed messaging with you.... why did you suddenly stop?".
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Postby Alex4 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 6:43 am

I don't know if you can plan what you will say. the other person doesn't know the script and you wind up stumbling over your words. Be direct without accusing or smothering. Some guys will back off if they feel like they might be getting into a commitment they are not ready to make yet.

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