Mother is diabetic!!!

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Wed Feb 15, 2017 6:28 am

My mother is 62 years old and she anyhow eats sweet everyday. It could be chocolate or sugar directly. She says what more is left in her life and always avoids us when we say don't eat it. Recently she has begun developing some high sugar levels in her blood and has put all of us in a big tension.

I don't know how to convince her.
We even tried giving her sweets made from sugar free but she only likes realm sugared sweets.

Really don;t know how to convince her.
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#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:38 pm

Bhavna,

Stop trying to change other people. You seem to have a lot of tension in your life based one you needing other people to change, e.g. your husband and now your mother.

What you can do is be a role model and to not enable what you consider to be unhealthy behavior. In other words, you don't eat sweets, you live a healthy lifestyle and you don't buy your mother sweets, the same as you don't buy your husband cigarettes.

In addition, how about you focus on what you need to change instead of always trying to get others to change?
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#2

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Thu Feb 16, 2017 7:56 am

Hello Richard,

I thought I had a space to speak here. I just wanted to talk. I can't change anyone.
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#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:36 pm

Bhavna_patel480 wrote: I thought I had a space to speak here. I just wanted to talk. I can't change anyone.


Don't give me that bull.

You posted again and again about changing your husband. When you convinced him to change, you thanked people in the forum. Now you want to change your mother.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people for the right reasons. But, you are wanting to change others because it makes you feel stressed. You feel anxiety because your husband smokes, you feel anxiety because your mother eats sweets.

The point is that trying to change others to alleviate your stress is unhealthy. You have a child that will undoubtedly cause you stress. As you age, you will cause them stress. Do you go to a forum asking how to change your child to relieve your stress? How about your child becomes a teenager and asks how to change you, because you are stressing the child?

Your mother is eating sweets because she likes them. Your mother is responsible for balancing her health and her happiness. It isn't up to you to change your mother, because you don't feel good.

You are welcome to your opinion, but don't act like you believe a public forum where you ask for advice, where you ask how to convince her!!! is innocently just a space for you to talk without receiving opinions you may not like.
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#4

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:59 am

What do you think ...What should I do?
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:57 pm

Bhavna_patel480 wrote:What do you think ...What should I do?


You live your life and let your mother live hers. Focus on you and being a good role model. Focus on your own behavior. Focus on improving your own life, not on someone else's life.
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#6

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:43 am

That ignorance thing will never get added to my qualities....I'd still expect a solution rather than shutting this thing down.
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#7

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:55 pm

Bhavna_patel480 wrote:That ignorance thing will never get added to my qualities....I'd still expect a solution rather than shutting this thing down.


What do you mean, ignorance thing? That you will not ignore your desire to change another person based on your personal values when it gives you anxiety?

The solution is learning to not try to control others.

I guess I don't know what you mean by "shutting this thing down". You want a way to control your mom so that she will eat what you want her to eat. What happens when she develops another type of health condition? Will you be there to control her every step of the way so that you don't face anxiety?
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#8

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:26 am

I just want her to be with us ...this is why I want her to eat healthy and live healthy.
We had to face serious issues last time she fell ill and this is what drives fear in me.
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#9

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:49 pm

That is perfectly normal. Most of us want those we care about to live healthy, happy lives for as long as possible. It is natural to experience fear. What is not healthy, is when we allow that fear to drive us to control others.

I have elderly parents. I fear when they drive a car. I fear they will fall in the shower. I fear they do not always eat well, that they do not make the healthiest decisions. I fear they will leave something on the stove to burn. I want my parents to be with me, I love my parents. What advice would you give me? Should I drive my parents everywhere? Should I hire a nurse to bath them? Should I hire a cook to serve healthy meals and make sure the kitchen does not burn down? No!!!!

My fear is normal, so is your fear. How you handle that fear is what is important. It is perfectly fine for you to mention to your mother you don't like her eating sweets. You don't have to buy her sweets. It is perfectly fine for me to caution my parents when they go on a trip, saying "drive careful." I can't control my parents and refuse to let them drive because I am afraid.

Why don't you want to address your fear by focusing on you? Why do you want to deal with your fear by controlling someone else?
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#10

Postby Bhavna_patel480 » Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:01 am

Now I get your point.
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#11

Postby Jamie514 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 4:52 am

The people who have high suger levels in their blood they always like to eat sweet too much but it very bad effect for health and increase diabetic. Always Try to convince her to stop eating sweet and get her to an expert.
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