I love philosophy wrote:I know for a fact that I am not the only one having issues with these people. During one summer the police were called to their house over women walking around half naked in wardrobes, which confirmed my suspicion of her husband having to do something with the adult entertainment industry. Then there was a summer before that when they had sex in the backyard at midnight while sounding high on something and drunk. See, I know that my emotions for this woman are terribly misguided, you don't have to tell me that. I want to know what is the cause for these emotions and desires so that they don't happen again..
I guess the first thing you have to understand is emotions are never rational. Being inexperienced likely places a person whom seems to be provocative in a mysterious, yet enticing, place to prey on those notions of adventure where your experience is still drawing a blank. I wouldn't conclude that is something you need to fix so much as accept as symptomatic to you desire to make your initial experience memorable in a way that sits well with what you imagine.
Where your reasoning strays is your insistence you understand your emotions are misguided, yet you still focus on them. If you understand this is not a rational way to feel about a stranger, then your mind should handle the rest because you're essentially saying there is no merit here. There's no "off" switch to your emotions. The only thing you manage is how to discredit them when they rear their ugly head.
It's the same way you manage any emotion. When you're angry and feel the desire to punch someone, you reason yourself down and in time that feeling subsides. Here you have a stranger whom you hear provocative things about backed by things you have seen that back up those descriptions. Part of you finds that provocative which caters to a fantasy you might have created for yourself. But common sense and reason states you need to get on down the road and quit dwelling on such things. IF you believe what you are reasoning is accurate, time will fix that emotion. If you choose to let your emotions take control, it will persist and you will obsess over it.
I love philosophy wrote:You can see where I'm coming from based on my previous post. As for me being 'attractive' or not, that's really irrelevant and would have been better if I kept my narcissistic notions about my-self to myself.
My apologies if I came across too harsh on your self analysis of appearance. I worded that badly and did not intend for you to take offense to that statement. You always want to have a positive image of yourself as well as a grounded one. I just took that evaluation as you building yourself up in order to match what you think is a connection with this person. My intention was to ground you on that thinking.
When we allow our emotions to govern our reasoning, simple emotions of fancy can evolve into problematic obsession that often have little basis in reality. I would step back and have a real honest assessment with yourself and develop a better understanding of what bothers you about your role in relationships and why a stranger who appears to have a loose lifestyle sounds enticing rather than a traditional one. Perhaps you are afraid of commitment because it places you in a compromised position and the notion of "free love" sounds like a workaround to that? There's a consideration. But again... those are matters you need to sit down and consider for yourself. The main thing is to be completely honest with yourself.