I was born when my mom was in her thirties. She was so happy that she gave up her job. My grandmother made my mom clean the house and look after her younger brothers and sister while she was young. My grandmother used to beat my mom too. So my mother promised herself that she will take better care of her child. I am my parents' only child.
When i was at school my mom will walk me to school everyday. And after school she will wait for me. Even in high school. I was really ashamed of my mom because her clothes were old and cheap. Because my mom didnt have a job she has no friends. My mom talked to me everything to be close to me. Even about how my dad is a very bad husband.
I never had friends in high school or in college because my mom would be jealous. After school i will just sit at home with my mom. My mother used to help me shower until i was 19 years old. She used to shave even my bikini area from when i was 12 until the moment i refused her to do it. I lost my virginity at 19 to a 36 year old man whom i met at starbucks that day. Then i understood thay what my mom did traumatized me. After few years when i found a boyfriend i really love i didnt tell about him to my mom. When she overheard me talking to him on the phone my mom told me that she feels disgusted cause she believed that i am a virgin. I was 22 that moment. When i moved to another city from my mom and called her rarely, she got depression and she tells she is about to die. I didnt graduate from college because my mom would come to my dormitory once a month and sleep with me on the same bed and make me feel ashamed. I didnt have a single friend at college so i dropped out. And my father and my aunts and other relatives would always scold my mom about asking them for money when i was young. Even at 13 years old i would protect my mom from them and argue with the elders. That time i wanted to get rich and give my mom a luxurious life. I dont talk to my dad from when i was 12 because he made my mom unhappy and earn too few money. I never bought the thing i wanted. I never even had a barbie.
So after losing my virginity i used to date random men take their money and save it to give it to my mom. I was like this for a few months until i fell in love.
My mom doesnt want me to get married nor give birth to a child. She just wishes for me to become a career woman and take care of her. She thinks i cannot travel or go partying because only the fool people do this.
Sometimes i wanna die. Sometimes i want my mom to die. It seems like i would have a whole freedom if i would be an orphan.