Can you ever feel good enough?

Postby peonypetals » Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:43 am

How can I ever feel good enough when I'm constantly surrounded by people better than me in some way or another?
It's all fine and well saying you're supposed to accept you have weakness and so do other people as well as strengths...but why can't I accept this?

My boyfriend works with a girl he gets on with very well and she is literally one of the best looking people I've seen...so how can I ever possibly feel like I'm good enough as a short, chubby girl with imperfections coming out my ears, when there's the option of someone like that?
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#1

Postby Candid » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:36 am

Ask your boyfriend what he likes about you.
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#2

Postby Livetowin » Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:48 pm

The biggest issue I see here is that you grade others based on what you feel you have for deficits. That's your insecurities talking, not real time measures. Second, what people mean to you and how you see yourself is not something that others define for you. You define that yourself. If you see a girl that has a thinner waist line and that's something you desire for yourself then work towards it. If you see a person with a Porsche and that's a car you would like to own one day then you work towards a savings plan to buy one. If you see a style of house you would like to own then you use that as a goal to reach. But all of these things are superficial. Are you wanting to be superficial or a real person? Do you want people to love you for who you are or for something you are not? Do you desire to be a respectful contributor to society or are you looking to be on America's Got Talent?

People come in all shapes and sizes. What they do with themselves is their choice and how society views them is not anything we control as individuals. We only control ourselves in life. So if there is something you want to change about yourself then do it. For the matters such as height that you can't control, understand that is not a detriment except what you make of it. Realize your full potential and quit looking at other people for a guide. Define yourself so you can learn to love everything that is special about you.
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#3

Postby Avery » Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:10 pm

Insecurity is a reflection of your values, you have two options: live up to those values or change them.
Neither is easy, and the first one is problematic because it can be a treadmill. If you value physical beauty, not matter how pretty you are, you can see someone else as prettier. Yet, that isn't to say making progress doesn't help your self-esteem, it just doesn't fix the underlying issue.
Changing your values takes time and introspection. It requires that you accept that the lens you view the world through isn't serving you in many ways. The basic way to put it is that if your value is external it's not good, if you value monetary success you'll never feel fulfilled. If you value artistic expression however, you may or may not become successful but the work is fulfilling. For more on this topic I recommend either the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People or The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*** both are fantastic books that can help you understand and overcome your insecurities.
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#4

Postby salonishah » Wed Jun 21, 2017 6:18 am

hello guys .
my name is saloni. i have lack of self confidence .how should i increase it .? can you please suggest me some ways .? thanks
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#5

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Wed Jun 21, 2017 9:12 am

salonishah wrote:hello guys .
my name is saloni. i have lack of self confidence .how should i increase it .? can you please suggest me some ways .? thanks


Set small goals. Achieve those goals. As you achieve confidence will go up. For instance, can you do 10 sit-ups? That is a small goal. Can you read a book and learn something new? That is a goal.
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#6

Postby guylfe » Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:15 am

Everyone is better than everyone in some way or another. It's your insecurity making you focus on those parts, and the first step of overcoming that is realizing that there is nothing objectively worse about you than others, you're just too caught up with where you feel you lack. There is always reason to feel good about yourself, and there is always reason to feel bad about yourself, it's all about what you choose to focus on. Get in the habit of looking for reasons to like yourself. You can ask your boyfriend what he likes about you, as someone else suggested. From your post it seems that you have a habit of self deprecation, and if you do try to break that. There is ample reason in the world to feel both good and horrible about ourselves. That's true for everyone. Our society is built nowadays in a way that makes almost everyone feel insecure, some just hide it better than others. That means you being awesome is at least as true a thought pattern to have as sucking. The thing about self esteem and its self-fulfillment is that getting into the habit of thinking you're awesome will justify itself, because confidence makes you do incredible things, which begets more confidence. You just need to get in that habit first. So I would suggest trying to change your self-deprecating thought patterns. Realize they only seem "realer" because you've trained yourself, through no fault of your own, to believe them and actively look for things to justify them. When you notice a self-deprecating thought enter your mind, try to squash it. Thinking of a known song, like "happy birthday", is something I've heard therapists suggest.

That said, If there are things about your life that bother you, or that you have received legitimate (as in, not mean-spirited, but rather constructive) criticism about, you can always work to change them. If you decide on that route, here are a couple of tips on changing something about your life:
1. It's all in the habits. Everything we do and are that can theoretically be changed through behavior stems from a habit, either an activity or a thought pattern. So to change your life, you have to figure out which of your habits you need to change, and then make it easier for you to change them. For example, I recently wanted to drink more water, so I put a large bottle on my desk where I sit for most of the day. That made getting the habit of drinking much easier. There are other habit tips, but then this post will go on for ages, so if you're interested you can look them up online, there are some wonderful free resources out there on the subject.
2. Understand that you can't approach that from a place of anger at yourself or feeling like you are worthless unless you change. First you must understand that whatever you're trying to change isn't your fault, but a product of circumstances. So beating yourself up over them is not not only a waste of energy, but simply wrong (maybe you already know that, but I wanted to say it just in case you didn't). Then, realize that changing those habits will be hard and require concentrated, dedicated effort, and you will sometimes fail. So if, for example, your goal is getting skinnier (which by the way is a matter of taste and not objective looks. For that matter, I personally prefer chubby girls to skinny ones, so that comparison you made), there will be stumbles setting you back a bit, but those will only be a failure in your mission if you let them define you. In order to succeed, you must do it because you positively want to improve the quality of your life and climb the mountain, not because you negatively are afraid of staying where you are. The negative approach is bound to fail because the process is difficult and as I said, you won't always succeed. When you approach change from a negative viewpoint, a single stumble will get you angry at yourself and waste your energy focusing on the negative you're getting away from as opposed to the mountain you're trying to climb. When you look at change positively, the goal will remain that mountain even after you fail.

Hope at least some of it helps, I would love to hear your feedback so I can better help you in your particular case.
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#7

Postby mindful entrepreneur » Tue Jul 18, 2017 2:10 am

For one stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone was made in their own unique way. The best thing to do if you're not happy with how you look is stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it.

Complaining will only make you feel worse. If you keep focusing on the things you don't want in life. You will get exactly that. Start envisioning yourself how you want to look and keep that picture in your mind.

Set some goals and a plan to start exercising and dieting realizing the picture of yourself how you want to look. Your thoughts will either make you or break you. If you're not going to do anything about how you look now, then just accept and move on. Don't complain about it.

Lo and behold how you feel about yourself other people will feel that way too. Because this is the energy that you're putting out there. Don't put bad energy out there in the universe because you will attract it back to you.
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