changing from negative motivation to positive

Postby mute » Thu May 04, 2017 4:08 am

i find myself to be motivated by mostly bad things hapening in my life
and then i react with positive change. but its a costly and very ineffective way to be motivated.

i look at some people and they seem to be motivated by a positive thing in the future that they thought up or imagined or planned to achieve etc whatever way they do it

i try to do the same but its just not working i only respond to a negative experience that already happened...
sometimes in anticipation of something bad i respond somewhat

but i want to change to be able to motivate myself by a goal or an idea etc.
pretty much where i dont have to wait for something bad to happen

i watch alot of self help videos from tony robbins and others but cant seem to get it to work for myself
mute
Junior Member
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2004 6:54 am
Likes Received: 0


#1

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Thu May 04, 2017 12:50 pm

mute wrote:
but i want to change to be able to motivate myself by a goal or an idea etc.
pretty much where i dont have to wait for something bad to happen



So what are you waiting for? What are your goals?
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#2

Postby mute » Sat May 06, 2017 4:32 am

i have no motivation..
since im only motivated by something negative happening in my life to get me moving.

im trying to figure out why its happening and how to change it
mute
Junior Member
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Jan 19, 2004 6:54 am
Likes Received: 0

#3

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat May 06, 2017 12:25 pm

mute wrote: how to change it


Take out a piece of paper and write down some goals you want to accomplish. Whether the list is positive, like travel the world, or avoiding the negative like don't contract an STD doesn't matter. Just write down things you want.
User avatar
Richard@DecisionSkills
MVP
MVP
 
Posts: 8974
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:25 am
Likes Received: 914

#4

Postby tashlentine » Mon May 08, 2017 2:52 pm

I'm so similar to you!

I only really manage to affect change when a situation upsets/angers/frustrates me so much that I feel compelled to roll my sleeves up and sort it (or as I prefer to define it 'when something lights a fire under my donkey').

I know I can achieve huge things when I am motivated - like massive life-changing actions are easy when I have had enough of how things are. It makes me think 'wow! if I could apply myself like that to things I want to do just for me, not to prove a point to someone I could achieve so much!'

I've written goals out myself like Richard has suggested, but for some reason the motivation just isn't there for long - I would LOVE to do xyz, and I can charge ahead like a rocket... which is awesome for a month.. and then the rocket abruptly runs out of fuel and I'm back where I started.

For example - I got made redundant from my last job. I live in london where even lawyers can't afford to live in flats by themselves and need to flatshare. The flatshare market is hellish - flats are expensive and squalid - 40 year olds with 'respectable' jobs are forced to live like students in tiny mould-infested rooms, and finding a flatmate is almost as bad as speed-dating or applying for jobs. It's obscene and I've had enough. I've had enough of my sense of security being dependent on other people and having to uproot my entire life every time my lease comes up for renewal, my housemate wants to move in with his girlfriend, moves jobs or can't afford rent increases, or my department gets 'restructured'. I don't want to rely on other people whose lives and values fluctuate - so I had an idea to start my own business - to earn enough money to buy my own place where I don't have to worry about my rent going up or having to find and maintain a housemate, and where my success or failure depends on me, not on what some random person in HR who doesn't have a clue about what I actually do thinks my job is worth.

So I started my business, I did all the branding for it, I bought some products to put on my site... and for some reason I just became paralysed and the stuff has sat in my garage since January.

A lot of the self-help stuff I've read says that big goals are too daunting which is why they often fail and you need to break them down to smaller chunks so they're more easily achievable. If this approach works for you then that's awesome! Personally, I've I've tried doing that but the motivation just still isn't there for some reason and it's not from lack of wanting- it's like I need someone standing behind me with a cattle-prod to get me to take action. Which is ridiculous not to mention frustrating.

Having an accountability partner apparently helps some people so maybe that would help you? I have yet to try this myself - I've a feeling that regardless of of well-intentioned an accountability partner may be, if I fail to do something one day and have to admit it, I'll feel rotten about it and go further into my shell and become less likely to do something the next day and so the cycle continues.

I wish I could help on this one, but I just wanted you to know you're not the only one struggling with this.
tashlentine
Junior Member
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Mon May 08, 2017 12:37 pm
Likes Received: 4

#5

Postby JesseGondry1 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:45 am

I stumbled upon this article; I know there's a lot in the genre but I felt this one was particularly down-to-earth and not too pushy about happiness/positive thinking (the pitfall of such articles).

It is called turning 10 negatives into positives off a site called Instabrainer.
JesseGondry1
New Member
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:22 am
Likes Received: 0

#6

Postby JuliusFawcett » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:25 pm

when we have had enough of suffering, we choose to focus only on love, everything happens at the perfect time
User avatar
JuliusFawcett
Super Member
 
Posts: 10276
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 4:04 pm
Location: Chesham, Bucks. England
Likes Received: 551



  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to Psychology