Journal: Not knowing why I am here!

#180

Postby Candid » Fri Jul 14, 2017 10:56 am

He's a long way from dead, and apart from what goes on in his head he has an extraordinarily healthy lifestyle.
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#181

Postby Grey_Vegan » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:00 am

How much would you be willing to tell me about yourself i wonder?
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#182

Postby Candid » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:07 am

I daresay you'll go on wondering, unless you care to trawl seven years' worth of posts.
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#183

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:10 am

Grey_Vegan wrote:Well im developing the impression that youre arrogant. Thats my impulse.


And what difference does it make to you what I am or am not?

Based on your initial thread and all the subsequent threads you have now started, you seem to struggle with low self esteem, resulting in anti-social behaviors. A common behavior of people struggling with self-esteem is labeling others as a$$holes, arrogant, etc. to justify to themselves the problem is not with them, but with all those "jerks" out there in society.

If you want to label people jerks or whatever to justify your lack of empathy/sympathy resulting from your underlying lack of self esteem, all that will do is continue the same bitter cycle you are in.

Jason has a similar issue. Instead of PM about traits of psychopaths, maybe you two can discuss why you both blame society for your low self esteem. And don't get me wrong, while society is very influential, the solution is not blaming society.
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#184

Postby Grey_Vegan » Fri Jul 14, 2017 1:16 pm

I dont blame anything for more than a few minutes at a time. I dont blame anything for the way i am.

And i want pm so we can share photos.

But i might agree with you here, i do tend to label allot of people as assholes or at least have in the past. Only impulsively however.

Conclusively no one is an a**hole. I can see people in all different ways.

But are you saying: in your theory if i develop good self esteem i will suddenly have sympathy?

Im pretty sure i have empathy, i can recognize emotions in others pretty well, and am very, very good at manipulating a persons emotions.
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#185

Postby Zanoni » Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:20 pm

I don't know what we are talking about anymore.

@cherryfindom
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#186

Postby Candid » Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:44 pm

We're talking about you not knowing why you're here, as if all the rest of us came with an instruction book.

Any more hasn't become one word any more than any less has.
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#187

Postby Zanoni » Fri Jul 14, 2017 3:00 pm

I feel better now. Going with the flow.
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#188

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:21 pm

Grey_Vegan wrote:But are you saying: in your theory if i develop good self esteem i will suddenly have sympathy?


I'm not saying suddenly. I'm also not saying sympathy is good or bad.

I am saying you have low self esteem. I am also saying low self esteem is why you have the emotional feelings of rejection that lead to you having anti-social behaviors. This includes calling others or labeling others as a way to deal with being anti-social.
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#189

Postby Grey_Vegan » Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:50 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Grey_Vegan wrote:But are you saying: in your theory if i develop good self esteem i will suddenly have sympathy?


I'm not saying suddenly. I'm also not saying sympathy is good or bad.

I am saying you have low self esteem. I am also saying low self esteem is why you have the emotional feelings of rejection that lead to you having anti-social behaviors. This includes calling others or labeling others as a way to deal with being anti-social.



Did you ever have low self esteem?
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#190

Postby Richard@DecisionSkills » Sat Jul 15, 2017 3:49 am

Grey_Vegan wrote:Did you ever have low self esteem?


Good question. I can definitely look back and identify times when I had low self confidence. Even today I can find myself in low confidence situations. That is normal and something we all have to learn how to manage. Some learn to manage it better than others. For instance if I'm in a social situation where the topic is sports, I have in the past kept quiet as it is against social norms to be a man that can't talk sports. That was low confidence. Nowadays I just straight up say that while I enjoy sports, I don't follow them. It is a small, insignificant thing, yet I was conforming to social norms due to lack of confidence.

But self confidence is different than self esteem. It is more how you value yourself. Do you see yourself as having low, high, no value, etc. It too is mainly driven by social norms, but is less situational or context driven. It is more a general or global feeling of self worth. Looking back, I most certainly have experienced moments or periods of low self esteem, especially after a personal failure. This too I believe quite normal and the difference is in how we learn to manage those times. For instance, I failed out of college 3 times. I have been rejected by numerous women. I have been passed over for job opportunities and promotions. I have done things in life which I regret, such as treating someone poorly. Those things test your self esteem.

So yes, I have had low self esteem. I expect that in the future, my self esteem will continue to be tested. I think the difference today verses when I was younger is how I handle rejection, how I handle tests or blows to my self esteem. When I was younger I did not manage it as well, tending to have longer periods of time experiencing angst or negative emotions that come with rejection or failure. Today I celebrate my failures. If I'm not failing it means I'm not trying. I don't take failures personally and this helps me maintain healthy self esteem.

Based on what you have written, it seems like you could learn to better manage your self esteem, learn to celebrate failure, embrace rejection etc. Instead, you seem to want to push off your issues onto others, blaming them and desiring to hurt them for your feelings of rejection.

We have all been rejected. We have all failed. How you handle rejection/failure makes the difference.
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#191

Postby Grey_Vegan » Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:17 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Grey_Vegan wrote:Did you ever have low self esteem?


Good question. I can definitely look back and identify times when I had low self confidence. Even today I can find myself in low confidence situations. That is normal and something we all have to learn how to manage. Some learn to manage it better than others. For instance if I'm in a social situation where the topic is sports, I have in the past kept quiet as it is against social norms to be a man that can't talk sports. That was low confidence. Nowadays I just straight up say that while I enjoy sports, I don't follow them. It is a small, insignificant thing, yet I was conforming to social norms due to lack of confidence.

But self confidence is different than self esteem. It is more how you value yourself. Do you see yourself as having low, high, no value, etc. It too is mainly driven by social norms, but is less situational or context driven. It is more a general or global feeling of self worth. Looking back, I most certainly have experienced moments or periods of low self esteem, especially after a personal failure. This too I believe quite normal and the difference is in how we learn to manage those times. For instance, I failed out of college 3 times. I have been rejected by numerous women. I have been passed over for job opportunities and promotions. I have done things in life which I regret, such as treating someone poorly. Those things test your self esteem.

So yes, I have had low self esteem. I expect that in the future, my self esteem will continue to be tested. I think the difference today verses when I was younger is how I handle rejection, how I handle tests or blows to my self esteem. When I was younger I did not manage it as well, tending to have longer periods of time experiencing angst or negative emotions that come with rejection or failure. Today I celebrate my failures. If I'm not failing it means I'm not trying. I don't take failures personally and this helps me maintain healthy self esteem.

Based on what you have written, it seems like you could learn to better manage your self esteem, learn to celebrate failure, embrace rejection etc. Instead, you seem to want to push off your issues onto others, blaming them and desiring to hurt them for your feelings of rejection.

We have all been rejected. We have all failed. How you handle rejection/failure makes the difference.



Wow, nice.

Something you say here illuminates one of my obstacles.

I clearly see that I blame and hate, not logically, just emotionally, just to get myself motivated to function each day(what i logically think of others and the world is different).

Emotionally i blame and hate myself and or others and the world. Always running from one thing while fending off another.


And ive noticed i often have plenty of confidence, i can openly say what i belive to any group of people no matter how out numbered.

But i cant function if feel truly worthless, which is often, and recurrent.
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#192

Postby Candid » Sun Jul 16, 2017 4:33 am

Grey_Vegan wrote:Emotionally i blame and hate myself and or others and the world. Always running from one thing while fending off another.


Better to concentrate on the things, people and situations you enjoy. Actively look for them.

And ive noticed i often have plenty of confidence, i can openly say what i belive to any group of people no matter how out numbered.

But i cant function if feel truly worthless, which is often, and recurrent.


Do some self-hypnosis: I am confident. People listen to me. That kind of thing, plus whatever else you'd like to be true in your life.
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#193

Postby mindful entrepreneur » Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:32 pm

Do you enjoy the work you produce at your job?
What is your passion?
Is there anything that you can think of right now that would bring you joy immediately besides money?
If you knew you had only 24 hours to live what you do differently?

BTW: you have a lot to be thankful for.

1. Your able to walk and exercise. There are paraplegics out there that wish they could be in your shoes
2. You have a job. People currently on the street who would trade to be in your place any day
3. You have car. Tons of people catch the bus everyday
4. You have clothes on your back. There are homeless people on the street right now that get nothing but hand me downs.
5. Sounds like you have a roof over your head. Again there homeless people sleeping on the street under bridges.

Ummm you have a lot to be grateful for. One of the conduits to wealth is to be happy now with what you have. If you keep thinking negatively you will attract more and more negative thoughts which is not healthy. Hope this helps
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#194

Postby Zanoni » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:00 pm

I don't know what I want (other than money)
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